New member intro.

Hello. Introduction here.

I am in my 40s and have been suffering from undiagnosed panic disorder since I was a teen. It comes and goes for short spurts of time and I had been able to handle it. I have had a series of serious issues in my life recently that has set it off full blast. I have never had symptoms like this before. I feel like I am going to die and wish I spontaneously would as the feeling is so intense. I am in no way suicidal and I know that this is just a feeling and not real. This started about a month ago and I will go a week at a time feeling this way. I am able to distract myself during the day so that I can get my work done, but it is a constant, exhausting fight.

Racing thoughts, dizziness, it sets off my asthma and sharp stomach pains are my symptoms. I do not worry about health issues, however I do often fear the onset of another attack as I don't want it to interfere with all of the things that I need to do.

I know that this is nothing new to you all, but I don't know how to handle it. The issues that I am facing are real and serious, however I am unsure how much of my anxiety is warranted and how much is the disorder. I plan to bring this up with my doctor, but really don't want to take an Rx.

This is what I have been doing to alleviate the symptoms myself:
* I have decided to phase out my current business that I own (very, very stressful work) while phasing in the new one that I have started (much less stressful and my life's dream). A big decision that is not very well supported, but will happen and has been very well planned.
* Have been trying different Hemisync versions via YouTube at night (helps a little sometimes)
* Have been taking degrees of Valerian Root to chill me out during the day and help me sleep at night (not everyday, just when I need it)
* Talking myself down during episodes
* Distraction when possible
* Breathing exercises

It feels good to talk openly about this as due to the nature of my business I am unable to in the real world. It's not that people will not understand, but that I don't want anyone to lose confidence in my abilities which are strong. I do not dare talk with family or most friends because I don't want this to leak out. My husband is very supportive and helpful.

Post Edited (pollyanna3000) : 6/30/2014 12:07:03 PM (GMT-6)

Hi there. I can totally relate to your feelings. I just turned 50 and have suffered from these since my teens
but it seems to be at its' worst these last 5 years. At one point I was not even able to work. Had to enact the Family Leave Act on my behalf, as my work was very unsupportive and just wanted to hire someone else to do my job. Took alot of work in therapy and I did end up going with the med route. I have been on over 42 medications in 5 years time.....all trial and error. Now, for the past 6 months or so I have finally landed on the proper cocktail of meds that seems to help. Now I have more of an episode as opposed just constantly feeling in panic. I have about 5 or 6 a week. Much better than the way I was, but not yet satisfied with living like this. It's horrible.
I know what you mean about worrying about the next attack. Mine seem to hit me with no rhyme or reason (or at least non that my Dr and myself can figure out). Which makes me believe in the whole concept of a chemical inbalance in my brain.
As you do, I most the time, suffer in silence. I don't know how I've managed this sometimes, but I have. I am so worried of somebody "finding me out". My Dr. (whom is a psychiatrist and also my therapist) tries to assure me that it would not be such a big deal if someone discovered what I was going through--that they more than likely would have compassion.....but to me, it feels like such an enormous weekness and lack of character. I just beat myself up over them--blaming myself and thinking what a week person I am.

It's so strange though--double jeopardy type thing--one side of me realizes the whole chemical imbalance issue, yet another side of me beats me up and makes me feel so awful about it. Crazy!

Anyhow---I hope you find help. None of us deserve this....it consumes so much of my life. I just want to be able to do things, simply. Without this huge headgame first.
I tried to do it without the meds but never found much relief. When my panic escalated I gave up on that and just pleaded for help and said I would do anything to stop this.
All in all, I am glad I did go with the meds, as it has definatly helped regulate me and I know there is something I can take if it gets too bad. I have an illness and medication can help alleviate it. I am so over the "no med" issue. Even though I am on meds, I still work very hard in therapy and in daily life to help improve it.
I hope you find some peace.