It all started for me 19 years ago when I gave birth to my second child....and then 2 weeks later my mother died.
The birth of my first child was 11 weeks premature so it took me 7 years to agree to have another. This second birth went absolutely fine, full term, constant monitoring by my doctor and great support from my family.
My mother cared for me so much that she did not want me to know the full extent of her illness, even forbidding me from visiting her when she was unwell, which upset me but also confused me. Only after the birth would she allow me near her and that's when I realised how serious her condition was.
For the next 4 months I had highs with my new baby and lows with the loss of my mother, coupled with my father turning to drink to get through his trauma. Eventually I had to seek medical help as I collapsed (blacked out with a panic attack) in the middle of the kitchen, frightening my husband and kids.
For the next 6 years I was put on Dotheopan, seroxac and others 6mlg twice a day for my anxiety. This kept me in a drowsy state and did not allow me to drive. Another side effect was lack of sex drive, this obviously caused problems in my relationship. But my husband is very supportive and tries to be understanding (only those that suffer know, he doesn't and admits it).
You may be surprised to hear that we all left the uk in 2002 and moved to Spain to find a less stressful life. With this illness that in itself was stressful. However, I coped with this move, which really surprised me, but the anxiety came with me!!
Today I am no further forward with this illness than I was 19 years ago. Except now I hope I may have found an understanding ear or two.
Nicola
ps. Happy 4th of July to you all
