Reality Check

Hey all,

Wanted to check in again and get some stuff off my chest. I have been doing a little better since going back on lexapro about 4 weeks ago, but it has definitely still been a struggle at times. The one thing I have to say is that I really appreciate my girlfriend for being so understanding this past 4-5 weeks while I have been dealing with my anxiety problems again. For the past year and a half since we met she never saw this part of me and was always worried it would be the end if it surfaced....it's great to know that she's ok with it but I'm sure deep down she wants me to fully bounce back to my old self.

That being said, it hasn't been all uphill these past 4-5 weeks. Today I just dropped out and withdrew from an MBA program that I started at a very good school in the NY area. I was so excited when I got accepted here and was looking forward to giving the traditional MBA program (my bachelors degree was obtained online) a shot. In the past classrooms have been a huge source of anxiety/panic for me and it started to surface again. I really thought after almost 2 years of having my anxiety under control that I was in the drivers seat and could handle this. I'm really bummed out about giving up on the MBA program but honestly I can't afford walking around in a constant anxious state 24/7 which could possibly cost me my job/relationships.

I am going to head back to my online program and get my MS in accounting this way I can sit for the CPA exam but I am still pretty upset at myself for allowing myself to get to this place again. I keep questioning why these anxiety problems came back again. Is it because I moved out on my own w my girlfriend 3 months ago and the stress of that adjustment? Was it trying to go back to a traditional school program at night while working full time? Was it fully wheening off lexapro 3 months ago? I wrack my brain like crazy trying to find out what caused this.

Overall though I'm better today than I was 3-4 weeks ago and I hope it continues to improve. Really need to bounce back to how I was feeling earlier this year.

Mike,

Focus on the positives right now. You have a relationship with a girl that means a lot to you. You are going an alternate route with your education that is still going to allow you to advance your career...and you are feeling better in general, than when your anxiety was at its peak.

You are, in other words...winning!! :)

Yes, there are still some detours and hurdles along the way...but everyone has these, no matter what their issues are...and everyone has some form of issue/hardship!!

You are rockin it out in my opinion! I wish you could see just how far you have come since you first started posting! :)

Keep up the good work!

S.C.

Mike,

Yes, I tend to isolate when I get really anxious.

I wish I did not. I read about so many people that reach out, and lean of their loved ones when they are really struggling. (which can have its own set of problems I suppose...if your family gets burned out!)

...but not me, I just want to be alone. Self preservation? Stubborn independence? IDK...

My only advice is to explain this to your GF, so that she won't take it personally...and use the alone time to decompress, so that you can be sure that the time you spend to together is quality! :)

S.C.

p.s.  well done on going ahead with your plans and the concert...glad you had fun!!

teacher9075 said...
Any time I start getting anxious, I become very irritable and have a low tolerance for things that normally don't bother me. However, when I'm having a full blown panic attack, I always call my mom. She has severe anxiety and knows how I feel. She always makes me feel better.

moms are the best!!