Huge Decisions

The past few days the decisions I've made in my life are really being to cause me a lot of anxiety. Right now, I can barely breathe and an innocent comment by my son drove me to tears. He asked when we would have a new baby. The truth is, I don't know if we will.

I just turned 39. It's not out of the question, but when? I'm in a doctoral program right now that I won't finish until I am 41. God, how did this happen? How did I get so old? I could try to get pregnant now, but then I'll have a 4 year old, an infant and a demanding school program to deal with. I can wait, but then I am facing even more possible problems with a pregnancy in my 40's. I could quit school, but will I regret not finishing something I have worked my whole life for? What about when my son is older and doesn't need me as much, don't I need something to give my life purpose also?

I just don't know. Everywhere I look seems like a hard decision with a big sacrifice wherever I look. It is killing me. Has anyone been here? Any advice?

Yes, I do. I'm afraid to, but I do.

My son just turned 4.

Okay, just checking in on that. I guess I was asking to make sure that it was *you* who wanted another child, (I've seen parents have kids because *their kids* wanted siblings,....and it was truly beyond the means and measures of the parents to care for additional children). So pardon me being nosey,....I assure you it was sincere and heart-felt curiosity.

You have some options, such as having your eggs frozen (they can do that, right?) Plus, in today's day and age, my dearest Miss Gigi, you are not old. Women are giving birth well beyond your age.

Now mind you, this is simply my personal reflection and thoughts, so bear that in mind: If it were me, I would finish my education before such contemplation. That way, you're in a stronger position to provide for you, your son, and any new little cargo you intend to have!

You aren't ancient dear Missy, so.....perspective, perspective, perspective!! You've come soooo far, and you've done soooo much! Do this (education) for you first. You are soooo close!

(Think I did enough "Ooooo's" in there?) ;)





M.

Miss,

What a tough decision you are dealing with! It seems like it's always scary to make life changing decisions, especially when you have a history of anxiety. Fear of making the wrong decision tends to spark my anxiety. But in the end we have to trust ourselves. Trust the process. Much easier said than done, right?! You still have some time. The chances of getting pregnant over the age of 40 are not far fetched anymore. The chances of having a healthy baby, while over the age of 40, are more possible than ever:)

I wish you the best!!

MG.,

I wish you much clarity and peace in whatever decision you make.

It is such a difficult thing to be a woman/wife/mother/professional today.

How do we find the time, resources, ability to do all that we want...fulfilling society's expectations. ..and still staying true to our own selves...wants and needs?!?

I understand your struggle and your feelings!

You are supported and validated here in whatever path you ultimately choose.

With compassion,

S.C.

Remember, this is my personal opinion, so I do not mean to step on toes. I figure I'll start off by saying that, just in case.

To answer your question, "is it worth it" (re: your education), my reply is a resounding: YES!!

Of course YOU are worth this investment. You've already come this far, I (personally) would not pack it in, especially due to fear.

Now, my turn to ask a question of you: Two years ago did you think to yourself,-- "Oh no, 39, I'm going to be so old?" Whether you did or not, my dear you are here today, 2 years later, and doing quite well!

So, my turn to ask a second question of you: Two years from now, what do you think you'd say to your 39 year old self? "Oh goodness, I'm 2 years older! I have a great education that will last me the rest of my life, but golly goodness gracious, I'm ready for the boneyard!"

Hmm? Hmm? Well?

Perspective......you are going to be 40 and 41 regardless of if you finish your education or not. But if you DO finish your education, you will have that with you for the rest of your life to contribute to providing an economically stronger foundation for you and your family! You will have an achievement that you've made for yourself, even when you were feeling uncertain and insecure, you'll be able to look back and feel even more proud because you took charge of your life and your future!

See where I'm going with this? (I'm so subtle, aren't I?)





M.

Merrida- thanks as always for your input. I have a lot of things to consider and it helps me so much to have different perspectives. You are right, I AM worth it. Sometimes I wonder if it's just that I think I can't do it (school) and am looking for a way out. I'm so confused and my anxiety makes decision making dreadful.

Cornell- you are amazing. Your kind words and advice are greatly appreciated.