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Posted 10/6/2014 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
I feel sick to my stomach. I just feel like I can't get it together to keep it going anymore. I am worried sick about everything. I just read a story about a 4 year old boy that died in his sleep from enterovirus D-68. My son has had a horrible cough the past few days (he is also 4) and now I am almost in tears worried something will happen to him. They put this little boy to bed and he was dead in the morning. I just can't even think about this. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Then there is my poor dog. I'm so worried about her too. I'm taking her in for tests tomorrow and I hope she is going to be ok.

Then there is school. I again have another ridiculously scheduled week. I am having a really hard time giving up all the time with my family that I need to in order to just do "ok" in my classes. I just keep wondering if it is really worth it. Is being in debt $160,000 and not seeing my family worth it? I'm coming up with fewer and fewer reasons that it is.
Posted 10/6/2014 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
And, I've had this weird pain, super fast and brief, that I can't tell if it is a weird heart beat/heart pain/or muscle near my heart. Stops me in my tracks. It's happened two or three times tonight and it's a new sensation for me. I've had PVCs for a long time and have had a thorough heart workup ( EKGs, echo, holter monitor) and there is nothing wrong. But, of course I'm thinking to myself that was a year ago. What has happened since?? So, this is adding to my anxiety and I'm going off the deep end tonight friends.
Posted 10/6/2014 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
MG

Daggone girl! You have got a lot of "worries" on your plate right now. Each one of your concerns would be enough to throw me over the ledge. It's no wonder why your anxiety is high.

Go to your "quiet place" and just breathe slow and intentional exhales and inhales. Clear your mind. My therapist teaches me to "be" in the present, no thoughts about the past or future. Do not pass judgement on yourself. Hopefully this will get your heart rate down a bit and give you a better peace of mind.

I have 3 daughters myself and I know how you feel about keeping them safe. Part of having this dreadful disorder is always assuming the worst will happen. And ,sadly, most of the time we have no"evidence" or support to justify our thoughts. Tell yourself this when the panic and anxiety starts creeping back in. Your baby boy is going to be just fine. If your anxiety is particularly high tonight, have you considered putting him in bed with you? My daughters is definitely no stranger to my bed! Just a thought.

Wish I could help you with this school thing, but this is a deep, personal decision that you, alone are going to have to make. Is this a life long dream of yours? Once you graduate and get a job, will that significantly help your family financially? If that's the case then I would encourage you to keep charging! You have come so far and the end is in sight! Ofcourse it isn't easy but nothing in life worth having ever is! You can do this Dr MissGigi! ;)

I am so admired by you. I have no idea how you juggle so many balls . You are setting such a wonderful example to your son. Sorry your'e having it rough righg now. Chalk this one up to one of those "bad nights" and tomorrow is a new beginning.

Hugs

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/5/2014 8:41:51 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/6/2014 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Cornelll. You always know the right things to say. I bet your daughters always come to you for advice.

My mind is in overdrive tonight thinking of all of the "what ifs". That's something I always have to work very hard to quiet and tonight it's a real challenge. I will be sleeping with my boy once I finish studying tonight. It's funny, I can sleep in his bed or on the couch, but not in my own bed.

I think all the balls I am trying to juggle is part of the problem. I know I am ultimately the one that can decide what to do. Yes, this has been a life long dream for me. The reality of making it happen though is taking a real toll on me.
Posted 10/6/2014 3:07 AM (GMT 0)
Gigi,
I hope your dog does well in her bloodexam and so ...and relieves you of worry ,being a pet owner i know how my worry that gives and how many sleep less nights i have gone through.


money problems can cause lot of anxiety and i know how it feels like.

your boy is precious and take care of him.

I am a worry wart just like you thinkig abt what if '' all time and killing myself with impossible negative thinking .

i need to get rid of this and be better in positive thinking.

everyday i wanna learn something new ...be better person in life .

don't feel alone ...we are here for support!!

take it slow..
Posted 10/6/2014 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
Cornell seriously just kills it with the advice. I don't have any, because I'm in the worry boat with you tonight, so I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. I can relate to the worry about your son....I'm getting a cold right now which gives me anxiety for myself and then I flip out worrying that I'll give it to my son and it'll become something more serious.

And you are amazing. In addition to all you have going on in your daily life, here you are, always here for all of us. Your words are always comforting to me, so know how awesome and strong and wise you are. Apply some of that wisdom to your own situation and remember....the yucky stuff you feel....no matter how hard to believe....is just anxiety. I'm telling myself this right now....I think the hard part is....anxiety is just as scary as heart issues, or sickness, etc.

Hang tight my friend!
Posted 10/6/2014 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone. Trying to do what I have to today, but I'm feeling "off" today. Tired, muscle aches, unfocused, feeling unwell and unrested and ANXIOUS! Waiting for the phone call for my dogs test results.
Posted 10/6/2014 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
You're "off" likely for 2 major reasons- your baby girl Gigi & what I like to call an "anxiety hangover." It's like the next day or even hours after anxiety has subsided, you still don't feel on top of your game.

How're you doing this afternoon/evening? Did you hear anything about GiGi's blood work?

I agree with Cornell that if becoming a vet is your lifelong dream, keep pursuing it. "Getting by" in classes in ok girl! I know it's not something you're comfortable with but right now, try and cut yourself some slack. You're going to classes & passing and right now that's all that matters!

Besides, your salary will be pretty good after and you can take what, 10 yrs to pay off student loans? Get them deferred for awhile if you must, after you graduate.

My sister is a family physician and she was knee deep in debt after. It was her dream though and within 10 yrs, she paid off her student loans.

It's ok to have a bad day or 2. I was so hard myself and still sm when I have a bad day so I do understand.

Just for the record, the child that passed away, the only one from that virus, had no symptoms. Your son has a cough! And a Dr on a morning news program said today most kids who get it never even know bc it's just a cold for most children. Again- I understand bc what we all have in common is... *drum roll please*..... worrying! yeah

Sending you peace and lots of love!

Lisa
Posted 10/6/2014 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much Lisa. I am literally in tears reading this. The understanding and compassion mean so much to me. I just feel like I have the weight of the world on me right now and the worrying and worrying just makes it that much harder. I'm just so exhausted. Mentally and emotionally and physically. I can't shake this virus or whatever I have and I'm having so much trouble doing what I have to do and I feel like what I am doing, I'm not doing very well.

I just got the call about Gigi's bloodwork. It appears as though her liver function has decreased. There are some things we can do still, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can stabilize her. I love her so much and she means the world to me. She's always there for me when I feel overwhelmed and alone. And you guys too. I don't know what I'd do without all of you too.
Posted 10/6/2014 11:51 PM (GMT 0)
Gigi,
I can tell by what you wrote that you are over extended. You have alot going on. I too had a hard time going back this semester. It's really hard going to school and taking care of family. I had some anxiety again a month ago, putting my dog down and then all the schoolwork I have right now too. I feel for you, and I am in the same boat as you. Thankfully my anxiety is really low right now. I take my xanax and that helps when I need it. You have so much going on right now, and that can make you really anxious and not feeling well at all. Wish you the best in getting through this. :)
Posted 10/7/2014 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Paddi. Yes, I remember you had to put your beloved dog down. :( That is so hard. They are such a part of our families. It is so hard when they are sick or leave us.

This class load is just insane. I have 25 credits. I feel like every day is trying to throw water out of a sinking ship. That's great that your anxiety is low right now. Mine is back in full force.
Posted 10/7/2014 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
wishing you all the best- feeling much like you. Overwhelmed- just too much. I hate the feeling and always feel a little guilty about it.
Hope you can get a little respite from all the demands.
Posted 10/7/2014 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Weary. I hope the same for you too.
Posted 10/7/2014 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
Gigi,
You will get through it, but I understand it is difficult. I say that everytime mine gives me problems..I feel like it will never go away. I pray that you get rid of your anxiety soon. Best wishes in school also. I sometimes feel the same way like I'm not sure taking up all my time is worth it..but it will be in the end for us both. Hope you have a good night.
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