Welcome New Member AnxietyRose

Hello everyone!
I apologize in advance for the lengthy post.
I have had had the same symptoms as most of you describe since I had my 2nd daughter, in 2009. I had my first blown panic attack when she was 3 days old. Ran to the ER because I was feeling faint and my Doc said it was Post partum anxiety. I went through a ver difficult time for a few weeks when I was afraid of everything and did not want to be left alone, but recovered afetr a couple months. In 2011 my father passed away unexpectedly (massive heart attack), and started having panic attacks daily and anxiety that was so bad I did not eat, go out or do anything other than work (because I absolutely had to) and care for my girls at home. I did not want my husband to be away for too long and it was just horrible. So I started seeing a Psychiatrist who prescribed Lexapro and that helped some.
I did continue to have intrusive thoughts about dying and being sick and not being there for my girls, but the daily panic attacks subsided.
2 months ago I lost my mom, to cancer that was diagnosed just 3 weeks prior, and that left me devastated. I am beyond sad and miss her so much, and again feel the anxiety creeping back, and I just can't go through all that again.
My brother also committed suicide in 2008, so I've had so many terrible loses in these past 6 years that have made me feel alone and anxious and hopeless.

Has anybody find a way to get better? Sometimes I feel I will never feel normal again.

Thank you and hope you all feel better soon.

AnxietyRose

A/R.,

Again, I offer my condolences on your losses. This is hard enough for someone not suffering anxiety...but for one who struggling with pre-existing A/P...it is an extra challenge to say the least...

Have you sought grief counseling and/or therapy?

This may be a good next step to take for your grieving process, and anxiety management efforts.

Is finding a therapist/counselor, or local 'Grief Share' (church run ministry for people dealing with loss of loved ones) possible?http://www.griefshare.org/

For now, we have some great stress relieving coping skills in our Resources here that may help to relieve some of the anxiety that you are currently and understandably facing Here is the link for you:

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

Most of all...we want you to know that we are here to listen and care anytime you need support. Post with us anytime.

Scaredy Cat

Rose- Welcome. You absolutely can and will feel better! When I came here at the end of August I thought I was a lost cause. The last two days I have felt 99% normal again. I never ever would have imagined I would be at this place but I am and you can be too.

I am SO sorry about all of your losses. I lost my Mom to cancer and it is terrible. The fact that your Mom was diagnosed and passed so quickly makes it even harder. The way that you lost your brother and Dad is just too heartbreaking. It really makes perfect sense that this is happening to you. We are all just human and can only take so much until we need help. You have been stronger than you've given yourself credit for I can tell you that.

What I would say is that all your loved ones that have passed would want the best for you, they would want you to live and enjoy your life. I know that it doesn't take away the fact that you hurt and miss them but they wouldn't want you to lose everything over the pain.

Is there any way you can go to some type of therapy? If so I would suggest going ASAP. I would also say to get back to your doctor or psychiatrist and try to increase your dosage of meds if you are still taking the lexapro or maybe add something or change all together. I increased my Prozac dosage a week ago and even though it may not be possible I think it has already made a huge change in me these last couple of days. Don't try to wait it out because I don't think that will help at all.

I also always highly recommend Dr. Clarie Weekes' books and audios. I read about her from someone here and I give her full credit for getting me out of the worst of the worst. I was still horribly uncomfortable after reading her book but I was able to see the panic for what it was and for the most part stop it from spiraling totally out of control.

When I came to this forum I was terrified and looking for hope and I certainly found it here. I was to point that I wanted to be put in the hospital and just didn't know what to do. I felt I was going insane and that I would never feel like my normal self again. I wasn't eating and lost 18 pounds in less than a month. It was terrible.

I just kept coming here and posting and blabbing and asking lots of questions and getting lots of caring advice. Something somewhere clicked in me and I decided that my negativity had never gotten me anywhere and I decided I had to stay positive and hopeful if I were to ever beat this. In my worst times I came here to be reassured that it would be okay and today it is okay. I was no different from you weeks ago and although I'm sure I still have a ways to go I am definitely seeing a big old bright light at the end of this tunnel and so can you!!!!!

Whatever you don't allow yourself to feel beaten. You can and will beat this, you will be yourself again. You have lots of life left to live. We will all help you here. Please post here as much as you can, I really think it helps. Please believe in yourself because I promise you it can be done. We will all help you!

Anxietyrose,
I am so sorry for your losses and you are at perfect forum where you will find support and love ,caring members who can give you peace and strength by thoughtful posts !

keep strong and we are with you in this healing journey~

:(

That's a lot to get through. Sounds like you have many days of just putting one foot in front of the other until time causes healing. I wish you all the best.

Thank you so much for all tour messages and for welcoming to this community so warmly. Sometimes it's hard to talk about this with people who haven't experienced the same.
I have been going to therapy, but I not ver consistently. I am still on the Lexapro, half of my original dosage, but I don'r want to go back to get more medication, among other things I have developed extreme fear of taking medications, ANY type of medications, even tylenol. When I first startes taking the lexapro I got panic attacks every time I took a dosis. I only startes taking them b/c I felt I had no choice, I couldn't bear the daily panic attacks, this was right after my dad passed away.
After a couple years My Dr. Told me I could start decreasing and I went through a lousy month by just decreasing, I'm dying to get off it bit I'm afraid of the withdrawl.

I' m sorry if my spelling or grammar is off. English is not my first lamguage.

Thank you again, I'm happy I found you, hope you are all doing well.