Possible sensitive topic, but I need to talk....

For starters, you're not weak. You're being strong and you've shown strength. It takes strength and courage to make tough choices and hard calls. I don't recall the exact specifics of your situation, but is this a forever type of thing? I mean, whatever occurred, is this prove-positive for sure and realsy that you can never have another child down the road?

As far as being jealous of your pregnant friends, my dear that is normal....when women who have a natural maternal instinct are surrounded by pregnant women, there's a drive inside, an innate one that just pops up, uninvited. It's human nature. It's female human nature for women who want to be mothers.

Anxiety doesn't have to be forever. It's just a mile marker for where you are in your life right now....You're going to be okay. Really!





M.

Merrida- It's not a forever type of thing. Well I don't know actually....it could be. My husband and I have male factor infertility and only have 3% chance of getting pregnant naturally. I recently did a frozen IVF cycle and had a bad reaction to the hormones and got 9 weeks into a pregnancy and decided to end things, because I was no longer able to leave my home, drive a car, or be by myself. We have two frozen embryos left to use, but I'm not sure I could even consider doing another cycle some day after what happened this time. We never prevent pregnancy, so as of right now I would say out only chances of getting pregnant again, are if God offers us a miracle. We have agreed to readdress this in a year when we have to decide what to do with our remaining embryos.

As for jealousy. I just want to say again....what an ugly emotion.

Jill, I know you are having such a hard time, but I admire you. This time in your life sucks, but down the road when things are better, you have just one more person in your life to love and who loves you. I envy your strength and admire you. You rock my friend.

My son is the only thing that gets me through, with a smile on my face. He is almost 2 and I actually saw our relationship crumble. I saw him cling solely to my husband, get closer to his grandparents and appear very apprehensive around me. I don't wonder why. I was bawling in front of him on an hourly basis. Hyperventilating and begging people for help. Raising my voice. Now, he runs at me with his arms up yelling Mommy and we snuggle and play. He is the reason that I know that I made the right choice, despite how awful I feel about it in this moment.

And you're right Jill, there has to be more than this. There must be more good days and not just days or weeks, but months without panic. The support in this board makes me hopeful that we'll all get there. I just hope it doesn't take too long. I want more than this.

Park, my two year old did the same thing when I was really bad this summer. She wanted daddy and mimi, and I was always her go-to:( That feeling is absolutely horrible.

I am really sorry you are feeling so bad. Eight friends being pregnant in the shadow of what you have just went through has to be gut wrenching. But you are getting through it! Keep pushing.

Just on a side note, with God and his miracle... I have a friend who had the worst time trying to conceive and had her children using artificial insemination and IVF. Now she is 41 years old and pregnant with a child that was conceived naturally (And not totally planned!) You never know what is in the cards for you...

My Mothers maiden name was Parks, she was from Cape Girardeau, Mo. "i was her only child, she was and is my first
Love, always Mother. You will be fine Mam, Peace

Larry ***

My dear P! So sorry to be so late with some comfort! I know how hard this has been for you and how much it must pain you to see others being so "normal" doing what you "should" have been doing. It really is horrible, unfair and lots of swear words! It's ok to feel that, it is all those things. BUT, then take a good look at your son and how far you've come and know that was the only thing you could do at that time. You've said yourself how much better things are between you and your son. Hold on to that.

I've also seen a dramatic difference in you. In spite of how awful you are feeling, I see hope. I see hope and a joy that wasn't there just a short time ago. You were in a really bad place and you're fighting to get out and doing a great job of it! Hang in there, roll with the feelings, don't fight them. It's a little different, but I feel the same pangs of jealousy when I see people pregnant. Fortunately, I don't have any close friends currently pregnant, but I can imagine how hard that must be. Sending you lots of love and hugs!