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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 10/23/2014 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
I'm just wondering whether this is connected to me having generalized anxiety disorder, or if it's something completely different.
I tend to always be in fear that the person I'm in a relationship with doesn't love me anymore and is going to leave me... The fear for this is always there, it never goes away and I find myself always trying to find clues to prove that they are interested in someone else and don't love me anymore.. But I'm so attached to this person that I can't let them leave. There might not even be anything going on it could just all be in my head but that's not how I see it.. And when I confront the person about it, it creates a huge argument and then I get so upset I go into somewhat of a shock mode.
Is this related to anxiety or is this something else?
Posted 10/23/2014 3:41 AM (GMT 0)
Sounds more anxiety and OCD; however you should tell your doctor. Do you also see a therapist?
Posted 10/23/2014 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
I never really realized there was an OCD for that sort of behaviour but you're right, it sounds completely like that's what it is, I never realized that. And my doctor knows pretty much everything, but no I don't see a therapist
Posted 10/23/2014 9:09 AM (GMT 0)
You should consider seeing a psychologist.. I found one 20+ years ago do my dealing with/not dealing with relationship issues very well.

Mine started off with: "It's good that you've realized that after 35 years, your current method isn't working for you."

Instead of looking at how I got to where I was, we agreed to just move forward and learn how to deal with the current and adjust my behavior for the future.
Posted 10/23/2014 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
S.W.

Good advice so far...I will just add that I commend you for recognizing the need to get some direction about how to deal with future interactions with a partner!

I do believe that trus issues are a struggle for many people...and does tie into anxiety. 

It must be hard on both you, and the other person/relationship to have these worries.

Getting help with through therapy should help you to gain victory over the issues that are troubling you.:)

In support,

S.C.

Posted 10/23/2014 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi SW,
WELCOME TO THE FORUM~
My husband has Bipolar and has similar issues as you (i have tried to convince him that he will never be left by me)but still he won't trust me .

I have stopped to convince anymore as i am done enough to give him stability and honesty in relationship and its always mutual and 2 sided.

unless there is validity in your belief or thoughts ,its very self destructive as in my case and damaging.

but i am unable to show any rationality to my husband because of his condition and i feel helpless at times.

please have face to face honest talk as why you feel this way and what can be done to solve it.

Unless its something in your behaviour that prompts you to think to be abandoned .

In my case its abuse /as my husband is abusive on all levels -emotional/verbal/physical...and has several abandonment history so i can understand .

I cannot reason for Bad behavior as it JUSTIFIES it .

Bad is bad but i have been excusing /enabling my husband 's mania episodes which i need to be careful about.

anyways be proactive and seek therapy .

Good luck!
Posted 10/24/2014 8:01 AM (GMT 0)
To me, it sounds like you may have abandonment issues, from childhood.

People with abandonment issues/ unstable childhoods / lack of security in relationships, also tend to have fear in general/standard anxiety. They go together.

It all often stems from lack of security/stability/maternal love in childhood. That fear in childhood gets kind of ingrained in your brain.... so now, as adults, we are very quick to react w fear, we just have those fears in us, ready to surface if a feather lands on us. (I know bec I have all of this myself, and so have been reading up on it all for years...!)
Posted 10/24/2014 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
SW

Sorry you are going through this. I know what a desperate feeling it can be when you want someone to love you as much as you love them. I am by no means a "love expert" but I do have some experience here and would like to offer you some guidance.

1.). If you constantly have to fight for this persons attention or if you feel that you must be constantly checking on him because you don't trust him, chances are- he is not for you anyway! Don't be with someone you can't trust.... You deserve so much better than that!

2). You can't make someone love you! It's sad but true. But what you can do is be yourself 100% and let them see you for what you really are. If both of you fall in love, work hard to build that bond and to keep that 'fire' burning strong.

3). Imagine that your relationship with him is like a "fire". Make sure you are giving the relationship the air it needs to sustain. Let your man know that you trust him and that its okay for him to have friends and his own hobbies. If you're not careful, you can smother the fire and the 'flame' will go out. This works both ways. You also need your space as well.

Remember that trust and respect are the two most important elements in a relationship and if you cannot trust him or he doesn't respect you, then that is not love, my dear. Toss him to the curve.

Wishing you the best of luck with this. Come here anytime to let us know how you're doing!

Big hugs

Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/24/2014 9:58:03 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/25/2014 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
Oh goodness, go figure, but here we go again.

I can remember feeling this way for many years. Of course, only now am I figuring out that there was a reason for my irrational behaviour. That being said, it's so true that if you behave in ways that indicate you mistrust a person, that can be very off-putting and dissolve a relationship that may indeed be on firm legs. I know because I've done it with my obsessive fear.

You're not alone in this, and when we have anxiety, it comes in many forms, manifests in many ways.

Any reasons why you should feel so distrustful? Did someone hurt you to make you feel like people are out to hurt you? I ask because that's the background I came from....





M.
Posted 10/26/2014 1:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there,
I am sorry you are going through this... I recognize some of the things you were talking about because many years ago, I went through the same thing... It wasn't til much later that I realize it DID tie back to childhood...100%... I finally ended up seeing a very nice therapist and she helped me 'see' what was going on. I never tied it to anxiety...but I can see where it might cause it... The tedious process of Letting It Go will also be a challenge...but FIRST you have to 'see' the cause.
Please do see a therapist... You deserve help! You ARE Good Enough! I think you will find your 'anxiety' fading away once you start the process. Wishing you the VERY best!!
Bettsann
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