better today.

i guess i just feel that i have punished enough in my life. i posted something similar on depression, illness, anxiety, bi-polar and eupd, ptsd, pain and psychological trauma along with despair have plaqued my days long enough. i just want my happiness to be continuall actualized without anything from the past or from pain or trauma to inhibit or effect it. i have had enough karma, i need some stabilized and happy karma to flow with the unity of happiness that i have with my life now. i know, i am being mindful, the past is that, it is about the here and now........but because of one unique circumstance i find myself thinking about tomorrow. that being that my fiance is in a different country and that i don't have the means of being there indefinitely yet. i will see her june / july, that will mean it has been another year. time will pass. i know things will sort themselves out. the patience thing is a real pain in the........and i feel that i have been patient long enough and have earned this well and truly. skype is great, but at times it does not cut it. we miss each other dearly. skype time is just as precious, but with her time is wonderful, even though 6 weeks sounds like a lot it sure passes quick.

due to me being on a permanent disability pension i can only travel 6 weeks at a time, as they will only pay for it up until this point then i will be cut off. bloody rules!!! saving up for the flights, travel insurance and spending money takes 2 government loans, scrimping and scrapping for a year. then i am paying some of it off for the remainder of the year. money is nothing to me. but things would be a lot simpler if i had just a little. my fiance is out of work and has and is desperately trying very hard to get back in. as my sponsor, part-there-of, she needs to be earning a mandatory stipulated figure for 6 months before we even lodge an application. there is the migration consult, processing fees etc. i will need to show savings as well as i am not entitled to any benefits until i am a citizen, providing i am approved!!! i wish i could work. expletive.

send us some love guys. i have asked the universe for support and i am not religious but i sent a prayer to whom concerned for some help too. i just need a spark. a little bit of coin-i save my butt of every year to be with her, but coming back is breaking both of our hearts. scaredy cat said it was okay to write so i am. the mask is off. tears well my eyes. pain emotes my face, just taken off my specs to wipe thy eyes. love...........that's what it is all about. nothing more nothing less. oh tell me to shut up or something!!! i guess i will go. thx for listening. i appreciate your care and support.

your one of my rocks mate. thank you. i needed to hear that.

H.T.

Keep up the positive mantras!! They really help. Keep saying the words, and if you get weary...we will be there to whisper them in your ear...but not in a creepy way, LOL...just realized how that sounded...pffftttt!!!

....in an encouraging way of course!!;p

We are here for you my friend! You are surrounded in support.

Sending postives thoughts and prayers!

S.C.

Thank you for unmasking yourself ❤️ Takes a lot of courage. Be well, my friend.

 

That is fantastic!!  I am sure that the 7 hrs was a restorative stretch of sleep that you needed!

May it continue so!!  Wishing you more rest, peace and well being during your waking hours!

S.C.

H.T.

Well I guess I spoke too soon...hope I didn't jinx it for you! ;(

Still...maybe you can catch some zzz's yet....

Great use of your coping skills...keep them going!!

If nothing else...put on the tunes, and at least rest the body.

S.C.

thx guys. yeah i did hit the tunes and am doing now. went for a walk around the block, was sore after, done my benches and swept the floors - there is a lot of floors. it hurt doing it, but it is done. will do some dishes next. rest for a minnie first. cheers.