How I'm doing

I've been busy the last few days and haven't had much time to post. I've been working at my regular job and that has been going very well. The last two or so days I worked I had zero anxiety while I was there and felt like my old normal self which is great.

I started the job at the new gas station/restuarant our neighbors just built in our town.I went in on Monday for what was supposed to be training, the place wasn't supposed to be open yet. Well they went ahead and opened even though lots of stuff wasn't ready. It was fairly busy but not stressful because there were four of us just sort of standing around. Basically I was paid to stand and talk to the girls who ran it. It was an okay experience and my anxiety was pretty low. There was a time where I could feel it sneaking up on me out of nowhere because I wasn't even nervous, but I moved past it.

The thing I didn't like about it was how unorganized the situation was. I'm also not sure how comfortable I am with the family dynamic and how that will play out with them running the place. They are very nice people don't get me wrong, I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I only have so many hours to give with my other job and my school work so I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I sort of felt like thanking them and saying it just wasn't going to work out but I'm going back for a shift on Saturday. Everyone around me seems to think I should try it for awhile longer. I just am not sure because I feel guilty wasting their time if I'm not going to end up staying.

I spoke t my therapist about increasing my prozac to 80mgs and she thought with the upcoming holidays and the stress at my job that it would probably be a good idea to be proactive and go to my doctor about doing it. I have had a lot of days in a row of feeling shaking and anxious for no good reason so that alone is making me want to increase my meds. The last couple of days I have felt great but not so much today. I've been so tired I slept for hours today and have been sitting in bed trying to do school work but instead mindlessly surfing the internet. When I woke up from my nap today I had that darn shaky and rapid heart rate crap again after not having it for a couple of days. I just do not get it.

I will say that work seems like it has helped. The day I started at the gas station I worked five and half hours there and then went straight to my other job and worked another eight hours. I was really worried about how my anxiety would get when I got tired but I did really well. A month ago I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be working a 13 hour day with some of it being at a new job. So there is progress being made. I'm still hoping to be back to "normal" though.

Thanks everyone for listening. I'd love some feedback to hear what you all think about upping my prozac to 80mgs. To be honest I've never been at that dose which as far as I know is the highest they go and it scares me. I'm sick and tired of the anxiety though and would love to see if it would help. Opinions?

Thanks. I seem to managing it much better when I'm at work than at home which is so weird but I guess a good thing.

keep well. and strong.

Thanks guys. As far as the meds I really don't feel like I have anyone to trust that has in depth knowledge. I mean my doctor is good but her specialty isn't psych meds. My therapist I trust to a point but then again she isn't a doctor. I wish I had a psychiatrist I could trust but right now I don't and I can't afford one either. So I guess I just have to go with my best guess which is I guess all we really can do. I wouldn't care so much at all if it wasn't such a high dose. I just get worried thinking that this is the one drug that has seemingly kept me going all these years and what will I do if I get to where the highest dose craps out on me? But that is just anxiety that is not going to get me anywhere. I have to do what is best for now, I just wish I knew what that was.

Hi BB-


Just to let you know I'm thinking of you and always have you in my prayers. Also- just to know you're not weird, I too do better when im not at home. I'm guessing that's bc when we're outta the house, we are busy and have our minds productively occupied & at home we might have "too much time on our hands" to stew & ruminate?

Sending love my friend!
Lisa