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Living with anxiety?

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 11/16/2014 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, I have chronic anxiety and panic attacks the kind that is constantly there 24/7. I'm currently working with a physic NP on meds but we haven't found the right combo yet. I hate living like this, I hate it, hate it, hate, did I say I hate living like this? I feel like I'm losing my mind, I don't know how to live like this anymore. I try breathing exercises and they just make my anxiety worse. Nothing seems to help. I've been reading alot of post and tell myself I'm not the only one that deals with this, but I feel so alone.

I live in my bedroom 99% of the time and only leave the house to go grocery shopping or to go to the doctors. I hate people and so going out and meeting others seems impossible. My therapist wants me to start group therapy for anxiety and the thought of it gives me a panic attack. I know after a couple of sessions I would probably have less anxiety about going, but it is getting over that hump to actually go to the first one. My therapist also wants me to do things that make me happy but for the life of me I can't think of anything that makes me happy anymore. OH ya not that anxiety isn't bad enough I also have bi-polar and am deeply depressed and have been since my husband died 11 years ago. I should be over it by now but I"m not, even talking about my husband makes me cry.

Anyway, for those that suffer with chronic anxiety and panic attacks, how do you get thru each day? I'm not living life, I don't even feel alive, I feel like well I don't know what I feel like but I know this isn't living. Thanks for letting me vent, It helps a little to get it out.
Posted 11/16/2014 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
Angel,

Reading this honestly breaks my heart for you. Anxiety makes daily life more stress than is bearable and depression makes you feel hopeless like there's no way out. I have never grieved the loss of a spouse but from what I understand you never "get over it". The way you grieve your loss is unique to you and it isn't wrong.

I wish I could wave a wand for you and make everything go away! I don't deal with bipolar so I can't even imagine the additional challenges you face everyday.

I have days where I feel like I just can't do it anymore. Then I read stories like yours and I realize wow, if she can do it I most certainly can. You are not alone. I honestly don't know how I get through my bad days. I just try to live in the present and get through one thing at a time. Today I got out of bed and made breakfast. Yay me! I took a shower. Yay me! Celebrate the little battles internally. Positive self talk. Say hey I did it. I'm still alive. And when you're tired, take a break.

Keep trekking on. Visit wih your therapist, maybe go to the group session. You may surprise yourself and realize hey, I can totally do this. I believe you can. You are strong!

Keep us updated :)
Posted 11/16/2014 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
Have meds helped your 24/hr anxiety in the past?

I know about that anxiety. I had it for months this year, as I too was trying to find the right med/combo.

Have you had bloodwork done recently to check your iron, vitamins, thyroid etc?

Do you have friends or family that come to visit or check on you? Any children?

Sorry for so many questions, I'm the inquisitive one around here. I just like to get "the big picture."

I just bought an old book by Dr Claire Weeks "Hope & Help for your Nerves." I will start it Tmr & share any "a-ha" moments I may get out of the book.

Sending you much support!
Lisa
Posted 11/16/2014 5:57 AM (GMT 0)
Angel,

I too have lived with panic/anxiety 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For a couple months this summer I was pretty bad off. I never thought I would be able to do anything ever again. Luckily, I was wrong. One day, out of the blue, I started to have hope again. I didn't feel any better for quite a long time, but I had hope. Very SLOWLY my condition started to improve. And that's where I am today. Still slowly improving. You will get there, it will just take a lot of patience:) And therapy. Loads of therapy.

Lisa-I cannot believe you haven't read hope and help For your nerves yet!! I read it when I was way bad off and I cried within the first couple pages. Hope you enjoy it!
Posted 11/16/2014 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
Angel,
I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I, too, suffer daily anxiety and panic attacks. I also have bipolar disorder. Some days, it's very hard. I just have to keep pushing forward, as hard as it is. There are days where I just need a "mental health" day and take some time for me to recharge. Are you on meds? My meds do help my situation. Anyway, I can relate to you. Take care.
Posted 11/16/2014 10:46 AM (GMT 0)
AngelLisa - I too wish there was a magic wand I could wave to help lessen your terrible anxiety. That's because I too have suffered on and off all during my life with anxiety/panic. However, there ARE times when it improves or even goes away if you are willing to do all the things necessary to fight it. Whether it's taking meds, going to group therapy (which was wonderful for me in the healing process) or just seeing a therapist individually. I know you must be scared to death to sit with other people and discuss your issues, just as I was at first, but after awhile you begin to look forward to it if you get through those first few sessions. Sometimes I even felt like I had more anxiety after I left the session but my therapist told me that is very common because you are letting out things that you kept to yourself for so long and that is very hard.....as well a listening to the hardships of others. But sometimes when you hear stories from other people who seem very normal to look at, you realize you are not alone, that millions of us deal with these problems every day of our lives...and that can be very healing. Give it a try....not just once, but a few times and see if that starts to bring you out of yourself and makes you more concerned about your fellow man....helping others is very therapeutic and it certainly did wonders for me. As far as the death of your husband is concerned, yes...one would think you could be healed from that terrible loss after 11 years, but I wonder if you were anxiety free when your husband was alive? If the anxiety/depression started after his death, you may be associating his passing with this downward spiral and now feel like you can't go on just because he is gone. Anxiety can be very self-perpetuating, it just snowballs sometimes to the point we think we can never get over it but I am here to say...yes you can! But it is a fight and you have to be willing to fight that fight every day until one day it gets better. Isolating yourself only allows that anxiety/depression to snowball so fight those urges and force yourself to get out, volunteer, do something to take your mind off it, no matter how briefly that might be. You truly have to fight your way back to normalcy and it's not easy but it works. Keep posting on here for support because we all care about how you are doing.
Posted 11/16/2014 10:57 AM (GMT 0)
....And also AngelLisa...I meant to ask why you feel you hate other people? Is it because you are jealous that they don't seem to suffer or wouldn't understand the affliction you have? I know that's how I used to feel. But you would be VERY surprised to find how many actually DO. Most of us keep these things to ourselves and I bet alot of outsiders would think you were fine too. Many of my closest friends were absolutely shocked when I finally revealed what I had been dealing with for years. I was always the "funny" one who appeared to not have a care in the world because I tried so hard to hide it from others (Robin Williams is a good example of that too). Turned out that quite a few of those closest friends, who I thought were perfectly normal, were having just the same issues but afraid to tell anyone. And the reality is that a great percentage of us suffer from some form or degree of anxiety/panic/depression/OCD/Bipolar disease etc. and that should give you some comfort that you are not alone. It all depends on how much we are willing to deal with it....do we just give in to it and let it control our lives or fight with everything we have in us to overcome it. I know your husband would want you to fight and you should do that just to honor his life and your life together with him that sounds like it was very good.
Posted 11/16/2014 11:00 AM (GMT 0)
....And also AngelLisa...I meant to ask why you feel you hate other people? Is it because you are jealous that they don't seem to suffer or wouldn't understand the affliction you have? I know that's how I used to feel. But you would be VERY surprised to find how many actually DO. Most of us keep these things to ourselves and I bet alot of outsiders would think you were fine too. Many of my closest friends were absolutely shocked when I finally revealed what I had been dealing with for years. I was always the "funny" one who appeared to not have a care in the world because I tried so hard to hide it from others (Robin Williams is a good example of that too). Turned out that quite a few of those closest friends, who I thought were perfectly normal, were having just the same issues but afraid to tell anyone. And the reality is that a great percentage of us suffer from some form or degree of anxiety/panic/depression/OCD/Bipolar disease etc. and that should give you some comfort that you are not alone. It all depends on how much we are willing to deal with it....do we just give in to it and let it control our lives or fight with everything we have in us to overcome it. I know your husband would want you to fight and you should do that just to honor his life and your life together with him that sounds like it was very good.
Posted 11/16/2014 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your replies, it helps so much to know I'm not alone even though I feel alone.

@ lesweet1971
I've never had anxiety like this, except for the past 2 years and it has slowly gotten worse so the answer is no meds have never worked, I just recently went back to therapy just so I could see the physci NP to talk about meds, cause my primary doctor wasn't feeling comfortable prescribing them to me anymore.

I had blood work done about 6 months ago, and then yesterday to check my blood sugar cause diabetes runs in my family and so I get it checked every 6 months.

I live with my parents, so I'm not alone, alone. But I rarely talk to them unless they come to my bedroom for something. I do also have 3 boys, 2 of which I see daily or almost every day and the other one about once a week.

I"ll have to check into that book and see if my library has it, can't buy it cause I'm broke as a skunk until I get my disability approved.

@andwes
I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was a teen, but ever since my husbands death it has slowly gotten worse, until today when it's at it's worst.

I hate other people cause I've been hurt by just about everyone that's ever been in my life, whether it is friends or lovers, some how they always managed to hurt me. I also don't think I have anything to offer to another human being, ex: friendship, cause I'm so messed up and I rarely have anything to say. I can sit in my bedroom for days not talking to anyone. I watch a lot of news and read a lot of articles and it just confirms that there are more evil people in the world now then ever before and it scares me. Mostly I hate people cause I don't like myself so how could anyone else possibly like me.
Posted 11/17/2014 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
AL.,

You are taking good steps towards your recovery! Well done! You are doing great courageous things for both yourself and your kids.:)

Keep up the therapy...and posting here. Also take advantage of all of the great free and accesible Resources here! (main page, 1st thread)

Talk to you soon,

S.C.
Posted 11/17/2014 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Angel-

When do you see your Pdoc next? I'm certain your meds can be tweaked with dosage or something added. No one should live with 24/7 anxiety/depression while on meds & seeing a therapist.

You're not a bad person despite being hurt in the past. You are still absolutely deserving of true friendships, love & romance, should you desire.

Just by your short time here and your postings, I can tell you're empathetic, kind & intelligent- just what I look for in friends & very attractive to a potential partner. So maybe now isn't the best time for a romance but you're too young & your spirit too vibrant to throw that desire out, even though you've been hurt & had deep loss- anything is possible!

I think you sell yourself way too short. I hope that in time, you will see what good I already "see" & feel from you.

Sending you all the best!
Lisa
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