Daily Check In Thread #4

Morning All

How are we all feeling today? I hope you all have as good a Sunday as possible

Hibee.

Feeling discouraged.

I'm waking up a little disappointed because I didn't sleep so well last night and I was expecting to. :-(

Been really anxious this week... Chest was tight and mind was racing... It's a terrible feeling.

My HA is getting out of control.... I obsess about it! On top of that, I have alot of business stress on me... We lost a long term customer last week and it has made my anxiety spike!

We are scheded to close on an investment property this Friday and have to come up with a substantial down payment so I am having to "rob Peter to pay Paul" to make this happen - another lovely source of anxiety!

I am getting so sick and tired of the "doom and gloom" feeling. I just want to feel "free" - I pray for a "Godly peace and contentment".

Sometimes I feel "used, abused and unappreciated". Anytime someone calls me on the phone, they want to burrow money (which is hardly ever paid back). No one calls to talk or see how I am doing :(

Okay enough feeling sorry for myself!!!! My dad lives a few houses down from me and I have always longed for a relationship with him... He seems like a decent man in general but has never treated me like his son - ever! There's been so many times that I needed him and he wasn't there - I had to figure it out on my own. I want to make him happy and to be proud of me but he barely recognizes me as his son. I have never asked him for a dime and had to make it in this world on my own - my mom was poor growing up and my dad was not in the picture at all until I was 19...

I so long in my heart a father/ son relationship. I see all these wonderful dads of adult men and I can see the "special" love they have for their sons - it breaks my heart that I will never have that... He will never look at me and say "that's my boy". I will never make him beam with pride because how can you be proud when you don't care?

Wow- didnt mean to go down this road! It feels good to write my feelings down and is very therapeutic... Back to putting on my "brave face"!

Love you

Post Edited (Cornell) : 11/16/2014 8:56:51 AM (GMT-7)

Cornell, I am sorry you have such stress with your work. It is definitely not so much fun.
I used to have this "used, abused and unappreciated" feeling myself long ago, until I really learned to say "No!" to people.
Luckily, I never had any problem with knowing what others think and say about me, so even though they talk behind my back when I say no to them, I wouldn't care less...

I know you really want to help them because you have such good heart, and also I am like that too. I mostly give without thinking. But there is a difference between seeing the appreciation even with some good wishes, thanks and showing they care for you, and not seeing anything but only feeling those people contact you when they need money.

Then continuing to aiding those who don't care for you, will do nothing but harm to yourself. I hope you understand what I mean. I really support the belief of giving without expecting anything in return but there should be a bit logic behind everything we do. I really hope you don't misunderstand what I am saying, I don't mean to offend you in any ways. <3

Umm about your dad, tough issue indeed :/ I guess I am not capable of commenting on that. Maybe only if you talk to him openly about it. But maybe you already did...

Cornell-

You are such a gentle soul, and it really stinks that some people take advantage of that. Some people just suck. You are a better person for extending a helping hand to these people.

I understand the situation with your father. My husband has not had a relationship with his father at all (since the age of 3), and he just lives a town away. His feeling , as an adult, has been if his dad wanted a relationship with him, he would have tried to reach out t him. Since he never has, he wants nothing to do with him, ever. I'm sure as a child his feelings were different. Unfortunately, that situation has made him a little emotionless and untrusting. But one thing it did for him (and you too, I think) is made him want to be a really good dad. And he is! And I know you are too.

My dear friends who responded (Mom, 1039, Rrakma)

You guys are so special to me... This is so true! This is a place where I can come to and NEVER be judged... I can share with you guys my true and honest feelings and you have ALWAYS shown me nothing but support and encouragement. You are my "true friends".

Mom, I can't believe you took the time to respond to my posts after you have been in the ER . You amaze me! You're the one with the big heart! How is your finger by the way!! How many stitches did you get??? Hope you feel better soon!!! I am thinking of ya!

I think that's what kind of pushed me in business to make alot of money - for my dads acceptance. I could become President of the United States and he still wouldnt care...But I need to come to the acceptance that this is just how its going to be... It's hard but it's something that I have to do!

I have a mother and a grandmother who loves me enough for 5 dads... I am so blessed to have them!

And I am so blessed to have you guys! I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for always allowing me to "bend your ear", its so therapeutic for me!

Mom, take care of that finger!

Rrakma - here's a hug!

1039 - fist bump! :)

Love you all!

Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 11/16/2014 2:04:40 PM (GMT-7)

Feeling really tired today. Can't seem to keep my eyes open.

When I was a teenager, I split my right hand, middle finger wide open..... I remember being able to see the "meat" inside... I almost passed out! To this day, the scar on my finger remains numb. That's just one of the many, many times I got hurt growing up... Every other month was stitches or a broken bone! I was "that kid" who was always hurt ;)

Cornell

Cornell I had exactly the same accident with my right hand :O
I fell on floor with a glass bottle in my hand and basically it crashed and cut some of the nerves in my palm. I got around 8-10 stitches. My middle finger is still sort of feeling numb. I was around 11 years old.

Hello :D People don't see me much on here anymore, because I'm not on here very much, but just wanting to say hello and let everyone know that I am totally fine and all is going ok.

Feeling abit keyed up tonight, which is why I logged on, but still.....totally fine, just need to give myself some structure tonight and go to bed, 23.51 in England, yikes.

Thank you for the opportunity to be here and type something.

HappyBean

Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers!!

Healing for the physical...as well as the things of the heart...

...and of course anxious minds.

I care for all of you so much...and want you to know that I do pray for you daily, and want the best for you!!

I skipped church since I have been sick (virus with laryngitis and the back injury) and slept in unti 9:30. It was, oh how do I describe it...............delicious? ;p

I then cooked lunch for my dad's birthday party and went to the party store for balloons and goody bags (you're never too old for goody bags!) and took it all to my folks house.

I did most of the party prep, since my mom is not as able to at this point. (my folks are 78 and 79 now)

It was a great time, and my dad had a good B-day. It's officially on Tues, and my dad shares his birthday with Mickey Mouse...so you can gues the theme of the party! ;)

Love to all!!

S.C.

Hello all

What a very lazy weekend. I slept so late again today. Waking up with the shakes, not sure why. Spent the day cleaning and stuff. I got my son and I a shower taken. Got to my laundry very late and I will finish that soon. Son is falling asleep. He is going to a counselor on the 12th of December. All in all a fairly good day.