Anxiety & Permanent Changes

Hi Everyone -

I am hoping and praying that you read my post and respond. I am in desperate need of your help. Please know that I am going to try and shorten my story so that I don't lose your attention.

I have been suffering with anxiety since I was about 8 or 9 years old. Around the age of 18 is when a doctor finally placed me on an SSRI. The medication did wonders for my anxiety. However, around age 24 I started having some strange medical related symptoms including headaches, visual phenomena, and dizzy/off balance/light headed spells. After a number of tests, the doctors felt that maybe it was the SSRI causing the issues (considering I was on the same dose from age 18 - 24). Sure enough, my anxiety spiraled out of control. So much so that I ended up with a diagnoses of hypochondriasis, agoraphobia, and something else that I can't think of at the moment. When I stopped the medication I started to believe that all my symptoms were related to some mysterious illness. To this day I have symptoms that have never been explained.

I am now 33 years old. I need you to understand that from age 24 to today I have not stopped worrying. Not one day. I repeat, every day for 8 years I have not stopped worrying about my health. Constantly worrying about my health and thinking every symptom, sensation, and worry is a major health concern. The main reason for this post and the question I have - do you happen to know if chronic health anxiety (24/7) can alter the chemicals in our body. I constantly feel off balance along with many other symptoms. One in particular is that when I'm in certain positions I feel very off balance or like I'm being pushed or pulled or tilted. I swear that all this worrying has changed my body's balance and chemicals. I wonder if anyone experiences this. 8 years of symptoms and 8 years of chasing a mysterious illness and yet NO diagnosis and NO help. Maybe it really is anxiety all along and was at the beginning but that worrying made it worse and now has caused a permanent change? I never went back on meds.

Does ANYONE OUT THERE relate to this or have anything they can write to help????

Bettsann,

I thank you so much for sharing your post. I will definitely begin looking for a therapist immediately and research for subliminal cds / tapes. I definitely have a fear of letting go.

Bturc,
I deal with those symptoms daily. I also spend the majority of my time on google diagnosing myself with various illnesses-- I have been doing this since I was little and could figure out how to use the internet. Have you heard of discontinuation syndrome? It's not a medical condition per se, but rather an emotional and mental reaction to getting off of SSRI's. When I went through a stint of not taking my Zoloft for about a month, I literally couldn't stand up without feeling like I was dying. I felt out of control. Like I was falling. My heart would pound. I would sweat. My chest broke out into hives and red disgusting blotches. And mainly a general feeling of just feeling weird/ not myself. I am actually experiencing this again lately. The rational part of my overactive overthinking brain says its anxiety but the irrational part says I have an undiagnosed medical issue that cannot be cured. And I'm on my SSRI's still-- I think they're wearing off. However, when I can calm myself down enough to actually form a cohesive laugh, I remind myself that anxiety can do strange things to the body. It can manifest itself in the weirdest ways and the only "medical problem" I have is the inability to get out of my head enough to actually realize that nothing's wrong and all is well.
My friends used to say this to me during panic attacks and it helped me a lot:
I promise, you're okay. You will be okay. Nothing is wrong.

Blus,

What a horrible reaction to not taking the Zoloft. I've been on it for two months tops.

John