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Scared in Iowa! Can't find that "field of dreams!"

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Posted 11/28/2014 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Friends, HI,

I really wish I had time to read through all the posts right now, so sorry that I cant. I am in Iowa right now, 7 hours from home! We came here Wednesday night to visit some of my husband's family for Thanksgiving. Well, just my luck that my husband gets an enormous fever and sends me with all 3 kids to his family's house alone!! While he spends the day sleeping in the hotel and watching cable tv, a luxury we choose not to have at home. :( I tried so hard to be a mature wife and just deal, so I went for the whole day with the kids on my own. What a terribly stressful adventure. PVCs, stress, exhaustion, trouble breathing, and frustration. I am pretty sure outwardly I succeeded with lots of conversation and jokes, but inside I was a mess!!! Last night my youngest wouldn't hardly sleep and I am running on maybe 4-5 hours of sleep. We tried napping this morning but my daughter is refusing to sleep in the hotel room. Now we have another LONG day of socializing and being "happy" and I am in the hotel room posting here because I am about to cry! I just took a portion of Ativan which I have not taken in 4 months, because I am so overwhelmed. I am going to get all "prettied up" and do my best, but wow, I am about to fall over dead!!! :( please send a message if you can, I am desperate to talk to someone who understands what a mess this anxiety is at Thanksgiving. Love to all! I will read through what I missed when I get back tomorrow. I don't have time to spell check either!!! Thanks for listening!!!
Posted 11/28/2014 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
TMA,

I hope your husband feels better.

Society has made holidays stressful and not enjoyable for most.

Kids are going to be kids. This is unfortunate for a struggling parent.

I haven't taken Ativan, but have Xanax. I bet the effects will be good because you have done without for a while.

John
Posted 11/28/2014 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
TMA.,

You poor thing! I can sympathize. My husband has not gotten sick and left me alone with my in-laws so to speak...but he completely checks out mentally when we have visits! He hides in a magazine or book, which I find really awkward.

You are a gem for all that you did yesterday. I am sorry your husband is sick, and you are exhausted.:( What bad timing!

I hope that you can wrap your visit up quickly and end on a postive note. It is just a little longer right?

Best wishes on getting back home, into your routine...and feeling better after some rest!

Bigs hugs!

S.C.
Posted 11/28/2014 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Girl I am so sorry! Is the day almost over for you yet?!

What a trooper & confident person you are. Seriously (just being a mom is courageous despite so many not feeling it on the inside. Moms need to give themselves more credit)!

With that being said, way to go keeping up the obligations despite not wanting to bc of sick hubby. That's truly a great thing. I hope you're able to add this to your "tool belt of life" bc this was, to me, a pretty big deal & you did it!

Here's to hopefully finding some relaxation this weekend & hubby getting better. Baby being back in her own bed should help a lot. I don't know too many babies that sleep well in hotels, even in their pack & plays.

Safe travels home & we'll be here to support you!!

Hugs!
Lisa
Posted 11/29/2014 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
I can 100% understand what you're going through!!! Almost nobody knows of my severe health anxiety issue so I always have a smile on and seem happy when on the inside i'm constantly thinking all these crazy thoughts and suffering quietly. If you don't drink alcohol (a few glasses of wine might calm you down a bit), I find drinking a lot of ice water helps me out when i'm out..then if I start freaking out I take out a piece of ice and put it on the back of the neck. Also drinking water gives u a reason to use the restroom a little more than normal, which I take advantage of to sit and relax and do some deep breathing exercises. I hope everything went smooth for you though!!
Posted 11/29/2014 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
You guys are THE BEST. You all just plain get it. My day went ok, the Ativan made all the difference. I did get some stress PVCs at the end of the night but that was the most the anxiety messed with me after takin the meds. Thank you guys for the encouragement. I surely would have had some wine, but his family doesn't usually have that at family events.... Totally bumming, it surely would have been a great relaxing agent!

Really looking forward to getting back home tomorrow..... Thanks again for the support and encouragement during my madness!!!

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Posted 11/29/2014 2:28 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry you had to deal with this but it looks like you came through alright. My stress level is through the roof right now. I'm keeping the anxiety under control but just barely.
Posted 11/29/2014 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Jennings, was it thanksgiving that has your anxiety levels high? It work? Something else?!
Posted 11/29/2014 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thanksgiving and work are certainly stressful and don't help. The main cause of my current anxiety is that my six year old son was diagnosed with epilepsy earlier this year. After that I kind of lost it for awhile and am just starting to pull myself back together. My therapist suggested that I join a group or online forum and I found this one earlier in the month.

I'm really glad I did.
Posted 11/29/2014 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
I am in the same situation kind of... I came to visit my husbands family for 5 long days.. He is here with me though. But after eating thanksgiving dinner I started having anxiety bad.. And didnt want them to know about it.. so I just went to rest for awhile.. trouble was I had to go up a flight of stairs. very hard for me to do when having anxiety because I cant breath and hyperventilate. It took me so long to make it upstairs..Once up here then I was so hot. and need water or something cold. and i needed this to stop. I got on here and joined and typed it did help. But it took hours to calm back down. I prob trembled for a few hours. No way I could make it back down stairs because I was affraid of coming back up them. Now today Ive done everything possible to avoid the stairs. had to come up 2xs today. I came up very slow a few steps then rested a min. then a few more. trying to keep my heart rate down and my breathing steady. I worry more about my attacks being away from home and around people Im not normaly around. I dont want them to know. They know i have anxiety but they dont know its as bad as it is...
Posted 11/29/2014 1:39 PM (GMT 0)
I sometimes wonder what percentage of the population gets this extra horrible anxiety during holidays and visits with relatives. I know I do, that so many of you do, most of my girlfriends do....so you can just imagine how many more there are out there who have never found this site! I think part of it is that when we're around family we don't often see, we try even harder to hide our anxiety, which of course only makes it worse. And we've probably stressed about the visit LONG before it even took place so by the time we get where we're going, our anxiety level is at its max! I certainly don't know how to solve the problem but maybe it helps just knowing the reason why we feel so bad during these outings...not to mention how unsettling it is to sleep in a strange house or hotel, especially with kids along. So there are alot of valid reasons why our anxiety is at a critical level at times like these. And I can relate about the climbing the stairs...for a long time i would avoid them like the plague, feeling so out of breath when I finally made the top, but over the years I've learned to accept iet, knowing I'm really NOT going to have a heart attack just because my heart rate increases...it's supposed to increase somewhat naturally but because we're so scared of things like that, it just beats even faster. Try not to worry so much about it....I'm quite sure it's just your fear that's increasing your heart rate. Lately I just do it, and when the heart starts pumping i tell myself it's happened for years and so far, I'm still kickin!
Posted 11/29/2014 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Jennings,

Hugs from one mom to another!!

I am really sorry...I don't remember if you mentioned your son's dx previously...or perhaps I just missed this information?

I can imagine how this would bring on all sorts of uncertainty and worry as a mother!

I have full confidence however that as parents you are going to do all that you can to help him manage his challenges!

I am keeping you and your family in thought and prayers!

S.C.
Posted Yesterday 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Oh no!! I'm so sorry your having such a rough time. Hopefully your hubby feels better soon and can give you some much needed rest. I know in-laws can be quite stressful around the holidays, adding to the stress the holidays already bring. Sending you lots of love and hugs!!

Jill
Posted Yesterday 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
Jennings, Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you on this. What an overwhelming diagnosis, for your precious 6 year old. I am so sorry to hear of this, and I think SC had some great encouragement that you will be doing all you can to manage this health issue for your son. When my daughter was newborn at the beginning of this year, she had myloclonic jerking, and we weren't sure if she was epileptic or benign. My anxiety went to the moon at that point, so I can understand a little of what you are going through. I am wishing all my best for you guys, please let us know how we can help you with your anxiety!

Stormlover, So sorry to hear of your struggles as well. It's SO hard when you just want to seem "normal" but you truly can't. I totally had to play my pvc's off like they didn't happen and were no big deal. I was having the PVC's that make your breath slip right out from under my words, and those usually scare the bajeezums out of me! Well, this time I had to act like they didn't even happen. :( Man oh man oh man. Sounds like you did a really good job of not giving up though! So glad you joined the forum! Hopefully you will stick around and chat with all of us!!!

Andwes, Great advice andwes! I'm curious too, how many people actually have holiday anxiety. I wonder if anyone else at the family gathering had anxiety that I somehow overlooked?? They all seemed pretty comfortable in their shoes though, so I'm not sure... Hmmm..

Jf0310, Thanks so much! We finally made it back to my home city, after an exhausting 7 hour drive through corn field after corn field after corn field! Hey, now I know where all of America's corn comes from! IOWA! Seriously... Wow... Hubby is still sick as can be and couldn't even pack anything up, load it in the car or drive for even one minute... :( Hope he gets through this soon!!!
Posted Yesterday 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the kind words and support regarding my son. It has been hard but we are pulling through. I had not mentioned it before in any posts. I wanted to observe the community for a couple weeks before I opened up about my situation. Sometimes it's difficult for me to open up.

I feel that everyone here is sincere and extremely supportive. I'm glad I found this place.

Scaredy Cat - thanks for the kind words, however I am a father not a mother haha
Posted Yesterday 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
LOL.... OL... OL.... at the father not a mother sentence... lol.. definitely needed that laugh...

And I can totally relate to "observing the community." I am fairly reserved in who I share info with, and also who I allow into my life.. Though you probably couldn't tell that as I'm posting on the world wide web (hah!), but just in general---day to day operations I suppose!
Posted Yesterday 4:54 AM (GMT 0)
Jennings,

Man, oh man...you are a man!!!

I can't believe I did that...rooky mistake...and one I regret, so sorry!!!!

I won't make excuses...okay, I really am...but when the forum is as busy as it has been...I sometimes can't keep everyone straight.;/ ;p

So...let's try this again...from one parent's heart to another...because mom or dad...it does not matter....we all feel the same when our kiddos go through tough circumstances.

Thank you for trusting us enough with this...and sharing so that we can support you. You can talk to us about it anytime...we will be here to help you get through it to the best of our ability.

Thanks for being a good sport...as in sports...football...manly stuff...arrrh arrrh arrrh!! ;p

S.C.

Posted Yesterday 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Crap, I missed this one! Better late than never!

Have you made it home yet! Hope you and your family had a safe trip.

Let me tell you - you are such a strong woman and to put on a "brave front" for your family the way you do is simply awe-inspiring. To make yourself go to the Thanksgiving dinner, given how anxious you felt and with your kids to be around people you don't see everyday is AMAZING! I don't know how you do it!

You are such a giving person, make sure that you make "special time" for you too. You so deserve it!

Hope you're feeling better... You're my new hero!

Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 11/30/2014 11:28:36 AM (GMT-7)

Posted Yesterday 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone no worries.
Posted Yesterday 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
You are a star and a trooper, it's not easy to put your game face on when actually inside you are a complete mess. You are a soldier and can deal with this, just remember to breath and remind yourself that you will be home soon and this won't last forever.
You have got this in the bag....you've done one day so just bust the balls out of the next. You have helped to give me strength before so just remember all the coping techniques you have accumulated till now and use em. Wishing you luck and sending you positive vibes
Posted Yesterday 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Cornell, Lol. You are too sweet. You're my hero too. I wanted to run away SOOO bad, but faced it....Now lets hope my husband's family NEVER reads this post! ;)

Jennings, I am so happy that you joined this website and feel comfortable enough with us to share your feelings! That is just AWESOME! We will do our best to support you when needed, laugh with you whenever possible, and sympathize with everything you're going through! You chose a great place....man! :D

AnxiousBloke, I feel awesome now that I am a "star!" :) I am imagining one of those cute little stars up in the sky and how they make me smile when I look at them! Thanks for the uplifting thoughts! Made me want to sing. :)
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