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1039smooth

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Posted 12/12/2014 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
Just checking in on ya!
Posted 12/12/2014 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
I was just thinking about him!
Posted 12/12/2014 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
What's up dude, missed ya on the daily check in thread.
Posted 12/12/2014 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, check in when you can...

Did you have your scope? How did it go?

S.C.
Posted 12/12/2014 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, how are things going with you?
Posted 12/12/2014 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Smooth

Check in when you can we are here if you need us.

Hibee
Posted 12/12/2014 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Just gonna bump this so he it doesn't get lost
Posted 12/13/2014 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
All,

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts.

I had a decent therapy session Monday. My psychologist is a little forgetful. We didn't do any breathing exercises. My mom is coming to the next session with me. I'm to bring a photo album of my father since we spend a lot of time talking about him. I miss him and my dog, Bonnie, so much. Both succumbed to cancer.

On Tuesday, I had a wonderful checkup at the dermatologist. Everyone there is wonderful. I almost felt at home. After my appointment, I spent probably thirty minutes talking to the people at the front desk.

The work week was pretty rough. Anxiety galore. I feel abused and unappreciated. It's amazing how much more work I do than others. I could run that place with my hand tied behind my back. To be honest, I don't see myself there much longer. However, my health makes me feel trapped. Perhaps it will come along.

I had made peace with the small amount of red matter in my mucous I find some mornings. What is it? I apologize to Melodee for being short before.

I didn't get scoped yesterday for a few reasons. For one, I didn't have a ride. The fact no one really came to mind intensifies the loneliness I feel. Secondly, I think I want to return to my first GI doctor. He is likely better. I hope my getting a second opinion hasn't jaded his opinion of me. My appointment with him is late January. If he scopes me, I'm probably a dead man.

My dad had an adjustable hospital bed. I'm trying to find help moving it so I'm not flat on my back. Perhaps it will help me.

Wednesday night, I had a nice dinner with my seemingly one friend. Sadly, he's also unhappy here. He had a job interview two hours away today. Once he's gone, I feel screwed. I also ate very badly and paid for it Thursday. I ate too much candy tonight. John has no will power.

I'm harboring resentment toward some friends. It's as if I always have to travel to see them and I'm not worth the trip. The majority are 2-4 hours away.

I'm almost done with Christmas shopping. My heart is bigger than my wallet.

My throat is sore on and off.

My mom's friend I mention often's sister passed from breast cancer tonight. :(

I get to see why my car smells hot tomorrow.

I guess that's the week. Sorry to have not checked in. I tend to always be around and then just vanish.
Posted 12/13/2014 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
keep strong mate. many healing thoughts i send,
Posted 12/13/2014 12:19 PM (GMT 0)
John, I hope everything will be better!
sending healing and love <3

Things do happen really, mostly annoying things in life. But it's our thoughts which make them lighter and bearable. If you know what I mean.
Just try a little to push and break the wall surrounding you. I try to do that too.
I live 3000 km far away from my family and childhood friends. Yes I have my husband here and a very close best friend. Yeah, only one friend... I can totally understand you. But sometimes one friend is more than enough. And it's worth traveling 2-4 hrs distance to see them.

I know things can be hard, but, yeah I hope you feel a bit more bright and happy soon. I am wishing the best.
Posted 12/13/2014 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi John

Good to hear from you and glad to hear that your therapy session went well on Monday stay strong and keep up the fight we are here if you need us.

Hibee
Posted 12/13/2014 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Smooth,

That is a lot going on. We check in only to show we care...we are not hunting anyone down, and there's no intention of making anyone feel guilty for not posting...so don't feel sorry for not checking in...we just want you to know we are thinking of you.

You have some good things going on...the threrapy sounds progressive...give it time, and remind your therapist of what you would paritcularly like to work on...it's YOUR program!

I think using the hospital bed is a good plan. I have heard that and/or a wedge pillow is protocol for GERD/GI issues!

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated. You know, this is surely a result of not feeling well and the health issues...and it will not be forever. It is a season in your life due to the circumstance. Unfortunately, no a lot of people can relate when we are feeling down, and not able to go out, do what the group is doing, ect... You will get past this in time, and able to be more social like you would like. Give it time.

I hope that things at work improve for you...sorry about that...sometimes work just stinks! ;/

Thanks for checking in...know that we are here for you anytime...you are an integral part of this community.:)

S.C.
Posted 12/13/2014 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi John,

Why are you apologizing? No need for that. I have to apologize too...especially because I thought you were female! lol. I had no idea you were a man. So sorry. Someone said "she" when talking about you in your thread and for some reason I actually thought you were a teenage girl. :)

Sorry to hear you have a lot going on right now. It's good that you do have some positive things in your life though...like the successful therapy session, enjoying talking to people at the dermatologist, meeting a close friend. Those are certainly positives.

It’s easy to dwell on the negatives and it can spiral out of control very quickly. Keep focused on the positives. I remember from my own experience that one very small positive incident changed my outlook on life.

Take care.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
HT,

Thank you and likewise.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
Inci,

I am not much of an optimist, but thank you.

I know what you mean. Unfortunately, I need to read that book, Learned Optimism. It's around here somewhere!

Things definitely need to change. I see the walls crashing down.

I have one friend locally and many 2-4+ hours. I'm going to see some next weekend.

Thank you for taking the time to write.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hibee,

Thank you. Unfortunately, I guess I have to fight.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
S.C.,

I appreciate the thoughts. Sometimes I disappear in hopes someone will notice. It's pathetic. This time, busy happened. I don't take my tablet to work, and posting on my phone is insufferable.

The therapist is going to have me make a shadow box of my father. I'm intrigued to see what this entails. We do need to work on breathing and such. I had to call him about a week and a half ago. I inexplicably couldn't calm down.

You can't unring a bell, but I should have bought a bed when diagnosed. I remember wanting help from insurance and the no good stiffs wouldn't pay for it. I never bought the wedge, either. I beat myself up so much about my mistakes. My reflux should be repaired, but we are all going to have SOME.

I fantasize of the days I will feel good for good. It's going to be so nice. I committed to go out tonight, but I'm going to skip it. I have Christmas chores to do and I just don't want to. There's a stigma in my mind that I have to be under the influence of something in social gatherings. I think people can relate, but are embarrassed to admit it.

They're about to ride me into the ground at work. If not for the evil that is health insurance, I would have quit already.

I may or may not have checked you out on Facebook. You're gorgeous! Forgive my saying.

Thank you for caring about me.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
melodee,

Hahaha, that's hilarious.

What positive incident helped you?
Posted 12/13/2014 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hey! I found my Learned Optimism book when telling my mom a funny story.

So the radio DJ, Crash, wanted to hear from people into boy bands because One Direction was voted band of the year. A girl in her late teens and a woman that's 32 called first. I had to top it. I call in and this is roughly how it goes:

Me: I'm a 34 year old dude and boy bands don't bother me.

Crash: hahaha! Who's your favorite?

Me: I'm going to have to go with the New Kids (on the block), but I'm embarrassed to say I know all the words to "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. It makes me feel good!

Crash is laughing.

Crash: You, sir, are a trooper.

Me: Something like that. I do what I can.

..


The only downside was hearing my voice. Many love it, but it's not radio quality.
Posted 12/13/2014 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
See, melodee was right. I AM a teenage girl. Bahaha
Posted 12/13/2014 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
S.,

Forgive you for saying. ..ppfffttt...yeah, 'cause I just hate compliments!! Lol! ;p

So where's my friend request?

S.C.
Posted 12/13/2014 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
S.C.,

It's a self-esteem thing. I feel people wouldn't want them from me. It's on its way.
Posted 12/13/2014 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
If any of you are on facebook please add me: facebook.com/missargent
Posted 12/13/2014 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Smooth,

...again I say pppfffttt... tongue

S.C.
Posted 12/13/2014 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Done, Sophie.
Lol, Scaredy.
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