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Posted 12/13/2014 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
All,

Most of you seem to be attached, married, whatever. Pat yourselves on the back. You are important and matter to someone.

I'm single. I matter to others, but not in that way.
Posted 12/13/2014 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the compliment. You do matter and no matter what I always enjoy your posts. That's something right?
Posted 12/13/2014 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Appreciation is nice, good sir.
Posted 12/13/2014 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
John,
Glad to have you back!
Posted 12/13/2014 5:36 AM (GMT 0)
Good to see you posting again :)
Posted 12/13/2014 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
hey my fiance is in the uk, i'm in australia. till i get over there permantely i only get 6 weeks a year to spend with her. i was single for over 6 years. my previous partner passed away, thus i was grieving. i was not looking-and it happened. you are very important, you engage, and give compassionate wisdom that's the important bit. i am just a pain in the butt who has been around too long and needs to be put out for pasture!!!
Posted 12/13/2014 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
John,
I will tell you like I tell my kiddos. Life is always about change. Just as soon as you are comfortable with yourself and okay with being alone, well that's when life will go and change on you. You will suddenly find yourself having to get used to being with someone.
In the meantime, get out there and experience beauty and joy where you can. Wandering through life with your head hanging low doesn't let you see the gorgeous sky, or the funny animal shaped clouds. But, even more so... No one else will ever be able to see your beautiful eyes.
Posted 12/13/2014 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
John, good to have you back in HW!

You DO matter to people around you and to us, period.

I spend my most nice fresh years with the worst marriage one could ever imagine (oh, trust me), so much humiliation and psychological abuse.
I met my LOVE at the age of 31 (on the internet), married two years ago at the age of 37.
Now, your precious love will hit you so suddenly that you won't even find time to get dumbfounded xD lol
And you are just 34.. pfff come on :D
Posted 12/13/2014 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
yes rrakkma. hits ya like a freight train when love comes around. i was 40 when i found love. and i was not looking.
Posted 12/13/2014 2:49 PM (GMT 0)
John- my great grandmother was very in love with her husband but she talks about feeling lonelier in her marriage than before she married. I'm not sure if you beat yourself up being single but don't. When we aren't happy/content in our own skin, we will struggle no matter if we have a fabulous partner, money in our savings, a great house, etc.

I have a wonderful husband and a pretty nice life but look at my own struggles. It's not bc of my husband but bc of A. genetics & B. my lack of implementing coping skills. Instead I've used food, cigarettes, video games to avoid doing the "hard" stuff. Sometimes I liken myself to the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz. People think I'm confident & have my crap together (& I have a lot of my life), but inside I'me often scared & want to bawl like the cowardly lion eventually does when he reveals his weakness.

My point is, our goal is to get right with ourselves. If we aren't happy, nothing or no one can give us happiness, until we give it to ourselves.

I too met my husband on the Internet in 2003 (match dot com). When the time comes for you to start looking, & the time will come, there are many ways to meet people nowadays.

Lastly, you truly mean something to me & I'd like to consider you a friend. Your advice is wise, comforting & too the point & you aren't afraid to air your dirtiest of laundry either. You're witty, intelligent & kind. You are a real catch not just for some future partner but as a friend too & I'm sure your mom (and pops did too), loves you to the moon & back (JUST as you ARE)!

Hugs to my friend!!!!
Lisa
Posted 12/13/2014 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
John-

I'm with Lisa. You mean something to me to! I do have a great husband and a supportive family, but I come here to look for a different kind of relationship and you are one of the people I look to. I can talk to you about feelings and fears and worries and I know I'll get wise and caring responses! You are valued here, big time!!

:-)
Posted 12/13/2014 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
Smooth,

You're still a pup! You have so much time!!! I kind of touched on this in my response to you on your 'check in' thread...

This is a season of your life, it is not forever. You have been focusing on your health, and once you have a stronger foothold on how that plays out for you...you will be getting out more, and meeting people, and forming relationships...platonic and perhaps...???

For now, do your best to practice mindfullness, and embrace the here and now...and what you can do for recovery today.;)

S.C.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:55 PM (GMT 0)
All,

I meant you are probably the world to your other half. That must feel amazing.

This was meant to be half pity party and half a compliment for you guys.

I'm going to work on responding to you individually now.
Posted 12/13/2014 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Sophie and Mel,

I appreciate it very much.
Posted 12/13/2014 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
HT,

Six weeks isn't a lot of time, but I bet it's grand when you're together.

I'm so sad to hear your prior partner passed. I can't even imagine. I feel whoever ends up with me will be met with bad luck and doom.

I remember my last relationship and thinking the grass would be so much greener without her. Wrong I was! This was probably 2011. Now she's married and has a kid. I lost.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure your 13,732 posts had to have something good in one of them at least! Haha! No putting you out to pasture. I'm first!
Posted 12/13/2014 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Daesin,

That's the big problem. I don't know how to be comfortable with me.
I agree with everything you said, though.
Posted 12/13/2014 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
Inci,

I thank you many times over and appreciate it.

When I hear about stories like yours, sometimes I think the single life is best. I'm glad you've had a second chance.

Wasting my teens and twenties bothers me. I squandered the best opportunity I had to meet the most people in college.
Posted 12/14/2014 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
John, if I knew the answer to that I would give it to you. I can tell you this though....you are more/better/nicer/more thoughtful etc etc etc then you think. Sometimes we have this veil over us that does not allow us to see the good in ourselves. We have to accept what others say/see/admire. Its like when you hear your voice on a tape. It doesn't sound right. Because that how others hear us. We listen through our heads not just ears.

You are --according to all of the replies -- a very special person. So get out there are show off your talents and skills...or develop some. Become an asset to the world. Learn that you are really cool through the eyes of people you help.

And I am not just saying this because you were the first one to be nice to me here. :-)
Posted 12/14/2014 7:43 AM (GMT 0)
Lisa,

I guess people just fade apart. If it happens with friends, it can happen with marriages.

I agree with all of that. I'm also awful at implementing coping skills. To be honest, I don't think I know any other than deep breaths and muttering profanity.

If you asked people I encounter daily, no one would think I have problems with depression. The ladies at the dermatologist's office probably think I'm the happiest guy ever. I'm not always nice to those that need my help, like at work, but if someone is helping me, I'm a saint.

I told my now ex she couldn't make me happy. She took it too personally, but I had just had a lot on me that day. I never heard the end of that, but I did realize it's unfair to bear the burden of making someone else happy. It's silly.

Thanks for the kind words and thank you for being a friend as the Golden Girls would say.

Post Edited (1039smooth) : 12/14/2014 12:47:59 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/14/2014 7:44 AM (GMT 0)
Park,

Thank you, dear. I'm glad to help.
Posted 12/14/2014 7:45 AM (GMT 0)
S.C.,

I just always feel like that loser that ends up being a third wheel and I never have anybody. Having a girlfriend or wife would have made the last few years so much easier I think.

I don't know.
Posted 12/14/2014 7:50 AM (GMT 0)
Daesin,

Funny you mention that. People have told me I should be on the radio. I called in and heard it back a few minutes later. It totally was not a radio voice. Not AT ALL. LOL

Thank you kindly. I appreciate it.

I was the first to be nice? How nice. :) Tell me a little about you.
Posted 12/14/2014 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
I feel the same way, John!
Posted 12/14/2014 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
Marj,

That's too bad. :(
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