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Posted 1/3/2015 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
All,

I've been through it this week and have considered the future.

To catch you up, I've been through hell since my Nissen Fundoplication surgery. This is a procedure performed to reduce reflux in which the top of the stomach is wrapped around the bottom of the esophagus. Early on, I was malnourished and not getting proper rest, so perhaps I am to blame for my recovery, or lack thereof. I imagine this also led to removal of my gallbladder.

Scaredy and I had a private chat, and she thinks I'll get through this. I seem to progress then regress and then progress again. My mom feels while I may suffer with this, other problems could be prevented thanks to the first surgery like esophageal cancer and the other problems that come with obesity. I've lost about 55 since surgery time.

It sucks, though. I am a hermit. I don't make plans. Etc. I just assume I'll feel like crap. Ma also feels I need to find someone. Who would want to and why would I expect a woman to put up with this? That's unfair to them. Could I satisfy them in bed?

My dad didn't want to do much because of his back pain. I've turned into the unfortunate side of him, minus the wife. So Ma has already lived this
this.

I often state that I'm ruined from the surgeries. My work is relatively tolerant of my weakness that stemmed from the Nissen surgery. I can't expect another job to if I needed to leave. I'm trapped. I can't lift much I'm emasculated. I'm frustrated.

Post Edited (1039smooth) : 1/2/2015 7:43:50 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/3/2015 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Smmoth,

What does your surgeon say about your continuing problems? How long has it been?
55 lb weight loss? Congrats! That's quite an accomplishment!
Maybe now is not the time to look for a partner. Sounds like you need to find peace with yourself first. Concentrate on you. Find out what you like-what makes you happy.

I wish you all the best
Posted 1/3/2015 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
RA,

Probably a year and a half. The only abnormality seen in the barrage of tests performed were the gallstones. Everything apparently looks good. Idk. No testing has been done since gallbladder removal.

Yeah, I don't think I can handle a girl now. It'd be nice for the future.
Posted 1/3/2015 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
But what about your lack of well being after the surgery- what is said about that?

Yes- in the future a girl- for now take care of you!
Posted 1/3/2015 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
I'm told the long-term will make it worth it. I don't believe it really.
Posted 1/3/2015 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hang in there Smooth-wishing you all the best
Posted 1/3/2015 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
I think I'm just tired of hanging.
Posted 1/3/2015 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
John,

I think you're going to feel better after you see the GI doc. Don't forget that on top of your GI issues, you suffer with anxiety. Maybe you're actually physically doing better than you think and the anxiety is your main problem right now. It makes us feel sick and scared and so much weaker than we are. Your appointment is getting closer and closer!
Posted 1/3/2015 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Megan,

I imagine he will order an endoscopy. To be honest, I seemed better off before the surgery.
Posted 1/3/2015 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
I totally understand how frustrated you are, but try to see the positive. You are ahead of the game. You're taking preventative measures with your health. I know it sucks and it's miserable, but it's better to know and learn to manage than not know and be at risk. I'm so upset and stressed about trying to manage my IBS and prevent future polyps, but boy.....if I hadn't found out.....so now I diet and now I get checked every 3 years. Stuff (I have a better word in my head) happens.

Post Edited (Park12) : 1/2/2015 9:39:46 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/3/2015 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
Or you can just be like, oh, I need an endoscopy; then they'll have to knock me out and for 30 short minutes I can be totally at peace. I love a little sedation for that reason. Bring on colonoscopy #2! ;-) I'm kidding....or am I?
Posted 1/3/2015 4:46 AM (GMT 0)
Megan,

You're a sweetheart.

The proof was in the pudding. Esophigitis, GERD, hiatal hernia, and Barrett's Esophagus. Many in the GERD forum feel I should have had some manometry and pH study prior to that surgery, but my doctor, whom is highly regarded by all, didn't feel the need. I did no research prior and rolled with it.

People like me are checked every two years. My other GI doctor was going to do a colonoscopy on me, but didn't. How's the diet going?

I see hints of improvement at times, but it doesn't last. I'm no longer whole and do fear for the future.
Posted 1/3/2015 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
Wellll....the diet is confusing. It seems that foods good for preventing polyps aren't awesome for IBS-D. I'm letting go I guess. I'm a cheese junkie and I'm quitting that which is sad. Cutting back on wine,which I also enjoy. I guess we'll see how I do!

Post Edited (Park12) : 1/3/2015 7:37:10 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/3/2015 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
I forgot I'm also supposed to increase fiber, which seems counterproductive with IBS-D. There's supposedly good fibers for me, so I really need to do research. I don't eat much red meat even though I love it, so I'm gonna cut even further back on that. I guess the last thing is needing to increase cardio....which I HATE, but it'll probably make a difference since I have borderline cholesterol, am likely going to end up diabetic because I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant and now the polyps...bah!

Anyway, I hope you wake up having a good day today. My son woke up super early which is a new trend that I am NOT into and it's doing a nasty mix of snow and rain where I am. Go Saturday. ;-)
Posted 1/3/2015 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
John, I know such things sound like your typical romantic movie cliche but let me tell you this.

Before my catastrophic first marriage, I was 26, relatively fine looking, cute and intellectual young lady with a nice job and income (oh such bragging). I suffered with extreme stress, lost everything I had and then gained around 80 lbs (yeah you read it correct). Then got divorced...
My current hubby is 10 yrs younger than me, ultra underweight and we started our relationship from 3000 km far away, on the internet...
And no, I didn't put a gun against his head...

We <3 you. You should love yourself, too.
I lost some amount of my weight, you are losing yours too and if someone is going to love you, oh trust me, nothing matters :)
The more courage and confidence you have, the more chance you will find love.

As for dieting, yeah tough stuff, but it will work. Nowadays I am trying the vegetables/fiber and less carbohydrate diet. Good carbohydrates you can very well take from different types of vegetables. Drink TONS of water, will be good for GERD issues also. You are healing and think positive.

Good luck
Posted 1/3/2015 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
John,
Remember the quote at the bottom of each of your posts. Worrying is like a rocking chair-- gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere. Try to take it a day at a time and find the beauty in the good days... And they will begin to outweigh the bad ones.
Posted 1/4/2015 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
Smooth- I hear you about being tired of hanging on- I know it's tiresome but I know- I have a good feeling that everything is going to be all right for you.
Persevere- wishing you all my best
Posted 1/4/2015 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
John,

It sucks that you're going through this. Hopefully the long term benefits will outweigh what you're currently experiencing. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find some type of relief soon.
Posted 1/4/2015 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
Congrats on your weight loss, that's awesome! Hang in there.
Posted 1/5/2015 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Smooth,

I do truly believe what I said about you getting through this. You are stronger than you know, and have more resiliency than you let on.

Give the grieving process more time still. It won't be this hard to deal with everything as it is now...under the maginfication of loss...

Deal with the physical stuff first. (a little over 2 weeks until your GI appointment right?) Then you will know the next step.

Until then, try not to future trip. Literally take it one day at a time. We are here with you everyday if you need us.:)

S.C.
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