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Anxiety Trigger…Abandonment

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Posted 1/5/2015 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
I just had to get this off my chest and get some peoples feelings about this as I have never talked to anyone about it before, not even my husband and I don't go to therapy because there is none in my area that is worth seeing (I have tried), I live out in the middle of no-where. Even on the healing well board, I pretty much keep to myself and occasionally tried to help someone if I can.

I was born an only child and adopted. Both my parents passed away several years ago and I miss them terribly, I miss my childhood also, everything now just seems like a terrible mess. I am on my second marriage. My first marriage failed, but I was able to gain one beautiful girl from that marriage.

My daughter is 22 now and three years ago my husband got a job 13 hours away from her and we had to move to a new place where I knew nobody. Unfortunely I could not cope with the anxiety and panic attacks and admitted myself to the hospital. This was the second admission with the previous being ten years prior upon my mothers death and my divorce from my first husband (very nasty divorce). This is when I started having anxiety (when I was 35) and never had any problems before this.

A few months later my dog and my father passed…..I was in therapy then so I had a support system back where we used to live and medication helped too.

I finally put some pieces together and know FOR SURE that one of my triggers is abandonment (being alone), growing old alone. I just know it is going to happen someday as my husband is 8 years older than me and my daughter lives 13 hours away and I will have no-one.

I have no friends here and we are pretty secluded and my husband is an introvert and so am I pretty much. I do have a very good pdoc and am on meds and he listens to me sometimes for a bit, but I am wondering if anyone feels the same way as I do? I don't work, so I have lots of times to think, my husband and I seem to think that I couldn't hold a job for very long as the stress would be too much.

Thank you for listening to my long boring story.
Posted 1/5/2015 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

First of all sorry to hear of the passing of your father and dog that must of been a hard time for you. It sounds like you have been through a lot over the years and I know how hard it is to live with anxiety/panic so that must of made things more tough.

Well done for piecing things together and working out that abandonment is a trigger for you which would definitely tie in with what happened during your childhood.

It's unfortunate that you don't have anywhere close by to do some therapy as I think that would be really helpful for you. I would suggest that you go and speak with your doctor and ask him about getting a referral to therapy as they may know some near by? I think a good therapy for you to look into would be Cognitive Analytic Therapy which I have done myself and found it very useful.

Don't feel alone as there will be a lot of members here who will be able to relate to what you are going through and we are all here to support you through this tough time so keep posting. In the meantime check out our resources thread which can be found on the main page first post for some links to self help guides.

Hibee
Posted 1/5/2015 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
Everyone is born with a fear of abandonment.... Thats why we cry when mom walks out of the room.... Or one of the reasons anyway...

You need to make yourself get out more. Maybe you could do some volunteer work.
Posted 1/5/2015 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
TPIG,

I also agree that you have done some really good work in identifying your triggers and core issues...this is a huge step, so feel good about that!

Feel good also about reaching out here! Being a part of a supportive group is a healing step in and of itself...even if it is an on-line community.

Beyond that, as far as therapy goes...did you know we have on-line options in our Resources here? You can go at your own pace, right at home with Moodgym or E-couch...both solid programs.

Skype on-line therapy is also a way to go if you are leaning towards wanting to work with a therapist again...one that is outside of your immediate area. There are many great therapists who are using this option currently. You can look into them and decided if this a good possibility for you.:)

As far as feeling less isolated...can you look into getting involved with a club, or some volunteer work in your nearest town? How about taking a class at your closes community center? All of these are good ways to stay connected, develop new interests and keep anxiety managed. It could be worth the effort and travel to explore these activities

Keep posting here with us as well! Why not post everyday? We would love to have you as a regular contributor...if for nothing else than to just check in and say 'hi'. :)

Know that you are a valued member here, and that we appreciate you opening up and sharing with us! Now allow us to support you, and encourage you to branch out beyond what you thought possible...for a healthy and connected new year!

Talk to you soon!

S.C.
Posted 1/6/2015 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much Hibee and Scaredy Cat for replying to me with your kind words.

I looked up Cognitive Analytic Therapy and it does look like something I would benefit from but I don't know how I would find someone around here that offers that (my pdoc is a hour and a half away). Thats how remote it is where I live.

I will look into the mood gym or e-coach and see what they are like. They sound interesting.

I know I need to get out of the house more but I just don't have anywhere to go. I thought about joining a yoga class but I am very conscious of my weight right now as I am heavy. I also have thought about helping out at a no-kill animal shelter in a nearby town, but the drive is over an hour and with gas prices, it would get pretty expensive. I just love animals.

You two are so very helpful and I appreciate it. Please know that you both are valuable to this site.
Posted 1/6/2015 12:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

No problem I am pleased you found the information useful.

It is a shame that you live so remotely maybe speak with your doctor to see if he knows of any therapist that would be able to come to you for a home visit I know that here in the UK that is possible but not sure about the US?? so just a suggestion. I am not sure if you can get online CAT but I will look into that for you and get back to you with what I find out as I do feel that will be of most benefit to you.

Yes mood gym is a good site and you can work through it at your own time and CBT has good evidence that it helps with anxiety related disorders so you may find that useful until you can get something else sorted out.

I think getting out of the house is an important step for you and well done for looking into your options the yoga class sounds good so I would definitely look into that and also volunteering is a great idea I do that and find that it really helps with my self esteem.

Keep us posted we are here for you.

Hibee
Posted 1/6/2015 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

Check out this website which offer online CAT.

www.acat.me.uk/maintenance.html

Hibee
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