Still rough

So yesterday was the first day I wasn't bad off. I headed to my aunts and we went to my grandmas to tackle more mail. We never found the paper we were looking for and we were there 5 hours. And then another hour after talking because I think she's having a harder time than most of us. I tend to suppress my feelings which turn into my anxiety and depression but I just don't know how to let it out. I come home. Apparently I was out too long. I came in and went straight to picking up and throwing out trash and making a shop list. I was busy literally all day. Around 1:30 I took a vallium because I didn't think I was tired. Well I started to get dizzy. Then nauseated. Which made me panic. Then I couldn't stay awake. I kept having dreams of my grandma and I felt even more nauseated. It has ruined my whole day. I've been nauseous all day. Now scared to take a vallium ever again.

On the positive side. I finally got ahold of mental health. The negative side about it is it isn't till January 29. I want to go in so bad. I Can't handle things or myself very good right now 😞

Their not mine sad to say. I've taken them a lot in the past and never had a reaction. If anything they didn't work and I had to take a couple. I don't know. I just made sandwhiches for dinner. I can't even eat. I don't want to eat anyway. Been sleeping most of the day so my stomach will settle. But it didn't work. I tried to eat some bread but really couldn't. I've been completely out of klonopin for a week now. And been taking the valliums my dad gave me till I could see the doctor. I don't know what to do anymore. I have a feeling it's stress and not a bug since I been nauseated so long and my nausea pills didn't help.

I just have so much going on right now. And it's all bad. I have absolutely no good news. And I'm getting hit left and right about my grandmas service. But now my other son is sick. I finally just said I'll go in a couple days and set another one up. There's not much else I can do. Everyone wanted it cancelled because everyone caught the flu. I just want to scream!!!!!!