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I'm so sick of being miserable

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/13/2015 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
I feel awful that when I have my daughter alone, i'm absolutely miserable. I love her very much but why don't I embrace & enjoy the moments with her like normal mothers? I literally almost dread the day with her..it's overwhelming and boring and as TERRIBLE as I feel saying that, thats how I feel. I dont want to feel this way..what's wrong with me? I'm also not happy in my relationship or my job..and I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to in my life and nothing that makes me happy to wake up in the morning. I basically hate every aspect of my life & I feel stuck. Ugh sorry for all the negativity everyone
Posted 1/13/2015 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
GMoon,

Don't feel bad. You've been under a lot of stress lately. I'll be honest, I love my little guy more than anything in the entire world....but....sometimes being a stay home mom can be SO boring. On top of that, when you're an anxious/panicky person, it can be even more overwhelming. I thought for awhile that I was dreading the time with my son, but what I was really dreading was the painfully LONG days, where I may panic or freak out. He just got associated with it because he was there. You can't run and hide when you're tied down with a little one.

I'm certain I've asked you this already, but are you in therapy? Sorry for forgetting. I can barely remember my own information sometimes!
Posted 1/13/2015 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the constant understanding & not judging Park! Im not in therapy-yet at least. I go see my doctor on the 19th for all of this anxiety crap. I don't feel resentful towards my daughter..but all I always think is how I miss my old life. When I was fun and carefree and funny and didnt worry constantly and could go do what I want when I want. I think adjusting to motherhood is difficult for me and is taking longer than I thought :/
Posted 1/13/2015 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
GM.,

How old is your daughter? Some ages are just harder than others. I am sure this a just a phase...and that as she grows...your interests will start to mesh more.;)

For now, feel good about the things that you do provide...love, sustenance, safety, stability, life lessons...ect..:)

S.C.
Posted 1/13/2015 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
I will NEVER judge.

I had similar issues. But it all actually comes down to the anxiety. You know it isn't really about your daughter, so of course you don't resent her. You miss the old you because the old you wasn't buried under the worry and stress. I miss the old me. I know exactly what you mean. We CAN beat this, we will come out the other side even tougher and better than we were before and we will be stronger and more patient, understanding mother's for all we've gone through.

You are not alone and your thoughts are not unique to you. Many of us have had them, so don't feel bad and remember this will pass. Therapy will really benefit you right now. And talking to us of course! ;-)
Posted 1/13/2015 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
Mam, my wife missed the early years with both of our Daughters, it took a long while but there was so
little real knowledge back then, once she found the correct combination of meds she was a new woman
now we have 6 grandchildren and one great grand daughter, it will come, but please look at the resources
that SC has given you, they do work, we need you, come along with us, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 1/13/2015 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all. I think once I get a better job and things start coming back together then i'll feel alright. Just feels like everything's stale right now. Here's to hoping 2015 is better!
Posted 1/13/2015 11:47 PM (GMT 0)
I've found it's best to be a little contradictory with my outlook on life. If things are going well one year, then that year is great! If things take a turn, I consider it a blip and realize that years are just measurements and a bad event shouldn't taint an entire year. It's contradictory but I tell you, it works as an outlook! =P

Also, I'm not familiar with your history here, but do know if you go to therapy that there is NOTHING wrong with that. I took advantage of free therapy in college for my anxiety, and it was a great decision. My friends were thankfully supportive of the idea.
Posted 1/14/2015 1:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hope you're feeling better today, friend!

Hugs!
Posted 1/14/2015 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
Gmoon hope your day turned out ok, Peace

Larry ***
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