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Hopeless, frustrated, at the end of my rope

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Posted 1/13/2015 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Please read everything if you could and thank you.

I'm a 27 year old male with anxiety and depression. My medication Lexapro "pooped out" more than a year ago and I went through really bad relapse of panic and anxiety until I was put on Luvox 100mg a few months ago. This new medication did help with my panic and allowed me to go outside and do things of that sort, however, I've developed a severe depression.

I know that there are a lot of things going on right now that put me into this severe depressive state. Please listen and let me know if you agree.

First of all a little background, I'm a 27 year old college graduate but I've only had a couple VERY short-lived jobs and I don't work, nor do I have any motivation to. I spend all my time playing video games or trying to find ways to entertain myself. I've had a very bad sleep schedule for many years since I don't work.

Recently my girlfriend graduated from school and almost immediately got a full-time job in her field. Because of this, my days lately have been consecutively looking like this: I wake up at around 5-6pm when she gets home from work (having gone to sleep the night before at 5-8am). We eat dinner (my breakfast) together and spend a few hours pretty bored together and then she has to sleep at around 10-11pm for her next day at work. After only being awake for about 4 hours myself, I am then left to find things to keep me busy or entertain myself.

I used to be able to entertain myself well but nothing interests me or brings me joy. I feel extremely lonely, bored, and empty. The only people in my life are my girlfriend and my extremely dysfunctional immediate family and they don't like each other so there is tension there. My first and only dog has been progressively getting worse and will most likely pass soon. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle that, especially in the already unbelievably poor mental state I'm in. The apartment that my girlfriend and I live in changed owners and the rent will be increasing significantly this month. We are having trouble finding a place to move to and don't know what to do on that end. She doesn't make enough money at all to support herself and I have no income other than what my parents give me weekly. I have no goals in my life and my only desire is to be back to my old self. I don't care if I'm a loser that games all the time as long as I'm happy but now nothing seems to bring me joy. I feel like I'm simply existing and not living.

On top of all this is the anxiety. I constantly have been thinking that I'm on my death bed or have some serious fatal/terminal illness or that I'll drop dead suddenly from a blood clot or something. I have no energy and no motivation and constantly feel physically ill. I'm always complaining about something or another that's physically bothering me and worrying about it and seeking reassurance. I can tell that my girlfriend is really tired of me always seeking the same reassurance from her and it never helping or getting through to me. Even as I write this I feel so frustrated, sick, and fed up with myself and my situation. I need help and wants answers. The doctors don't seem to take me seriously, always telling me that I'm physically healthy. Why do I feel so awful then? And even if all this really is just from my head and nothing physical then what? I mean that's good news that nothing is physically wrong with me of course but even if it is depression and anxiety causing me all this anguish does that mean it will never get better or go away? I'm losing hope. I have a cold right now on top of everything else and it is really stressing me out. I feel so awful. I'm tired despite not doing anything at all and have no appetite (which is very weird of me).

Does this sound like depression? Can anyone relate? Is there hope??????? I feel like I'm losing it and going crazy. I feel like no one understands me and that I'm the only person dealing with something like this.
Posted 1/13/2015 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi WW.,

I am sorry that you are currently going through this difficult phase.:( I know that A/D can be challenging...and it's hard to break the negative patterns, once they are established.

I see a few things here that need clarification (for me to fully understand your situation) so I'll ask some questions...and alsl try to make some suggestions and give you some links for self-help you can start on today.

Questions first...

~Do you see a psychiatrist? If not...this may be a good move to make. You mention meds, but not therapy. A P-doc can address both of these for you, as they are a powerful combination when used together.

~What, if any, self-help have you tried thus far?

~Have you tried to re-set your clock, and get back on a regular sleep schedule?

~Are you not able to work due to the A/D, or are there other factors?

Now for the suggestions...

~Self help if you've not tried it...I will post links below. It works, but IS WORK. Put into it, and you will benefit.

~Volunteer. You say you feel bored and lonely? Volunteering and heping others is a 100% antidote! Animal shelters, soup kitchens, environmental groups all need YOUR help. There is no greater way to get outside yourself and your problems.

~Learn a new skill, hobby, join a class or group. Again...expanding your interests...even if it's hard to get going and take the first step...it will pay off in the long run.

Please see about getting into therapy. This is a game changer, period. I can't stress how much this can help. If this isn't possible due to coverage/finances...here is the next best thing...self help. Check these out, and get started as soon as possible.

Anxiety self-help overview:

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm

http://www.counselling.cam.ac.uk/selfhelp/leaflets/anxiety

Self Help site with Anxiety Indications, Self-Help and Worksheets

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp

Free on-line CBT programs:

 

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome


There is help and hope, but you have to make that step out in faith and effort. You can do it!!

Keep us posted as to your progress!

S.C.

Posted 1/13/2015 4:42 PM (GMT 0)

...and for the health anxiety concerns...

Health Anxiety - A Self Help Guide:

 

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/pages/introduction.aspx

Helping health Anxiety

 

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_id=53

Health Anxiety- The Super Scanner

 

http://www.get.gg/docs/SuperScanner.pdf

Best wishes with getting started!

S.C.

Posted 1/15/2015 7:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the reply.

I'm not in therapy but I'm looking into it. It just feels as though I don't have the energy to get up and go; my body feels as though it has weights attached to it.

I see my psychiatrist rarely, preferring to email her than make the drive.

I've read a lot of self-help books but don't really know how to put all the concepts in practice. I don't know if I'm stupid or just plain lazy/lacking in motivation.

I definitely don't get enough sunlight. I've fixed my sleep schedule before but it usually reverts back to pulling all-nighters and sleeping the day away. My motivation is gone too now that my girlfriend is working full time. It's a darned if I do and darned if I don't situation because even if I woke up when my girlfriend did then I'd be lonely and bored all day waiting for her to get back from work. If I keep up what I'm doing now, waking up when she gets home, it doesn't really change the amount of time I get to spend with her. Even when I'm with her it's still hard to stay positive and feel joy because of the depression but it's at least better than watching her sleep while I spend all night searching for answers on my phone in bed next to her sleeping body.

As for work, I don't even brush my teeth regularly anymore for crying out loud. Working seems like an absolute impossibility to me. M

Before this depression struck I was at least able to enjoy playing video games and wasting time. Now, though, nothing is enjoyable. I don't care about being productive, I just want to be happy. Before the depression struck I was dealing with some anxiety still but I think depression is 1000x worse than anxiety. At least when I had anxiety I could still enjoy myself at home.

Can anyone relate to me or am I a special case in my severity? Is there anyone in a similar "complete loser" type of situation? And most importantly, does hope actually honestly really exist?
Posted 1/15/2015 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
For most of us work is a form of therapy, when we dont work we have no access to insurance or money
to just go to a doctor, so we get a double boost from having a job, are you disabled in some manner?

Also i have been where you are and i understand that anxiety and depression can make it impossible to
hold a job, i do wish you good luck and peace,

Larry ***
Posted 1/15/2015 7:41 PM (GMT 0)

Someone asked the same question here this morning regarding hope...here is the link if you'd like to read other's thoughts on this.:)

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=3298066

S.C.

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