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I need to go out. But I can't leave my room in fear

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Posted 1/15/2015 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
I'm Sorry if I been posting too much lately. But I was supposed to get up today and take my grandmas death certificates out and take care of some business. But I woke up at 6 with nausea. Felt like nerves but my stomach was all messed up. I fell back asleep. And have been laying here an hour thinking about how I felt earlier which is upsetting my stomach again. Now I can't leave in fear I'm going to get sick while I'm out.

I really can't tell anymore if I am or its my nerves.

Yesterday was hard. I had to meet with lawyers to go over my grandmas stuff and her trust. I couldn't breathe. I panicked. I asked if I could run to my car to get a pill and I really needed some air. They didn't want me walking out. I'm assuming because all my papers were laying out.

I can't handle this nausea. It's driving me crazy. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so scared to throw up.
Posted 1/15/2015 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
Mom, i remember what my wife's doctor told her about her agoraphobia he said that what keeps us confined
to the house is worrying about what we will look like having a panic attack in public or embarrassing ourselves in some other manner, it seemed to make a difference to her and over time she was out shopping again,
i wish you Peace

Larry ***
Posted 1/15/2015 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
First, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Second, don't ever feel like you need to apologize for posting, no matter how often it is. That's what we're here for, to support each other however and whenever you need us. I'm a bit curious about your background. Has this happened before when you were experiencing high anxiety? Have you seen your doctor about it? Have you tried any over the counter antacids like Tums or simply try to drink some ginger ale? That can help to settle your stomach. Hang in there and do keep us posted!
Posted 1/15/2015 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
I've been on everything under the sun. Some things work and some don't. Some I can't tolerate the side effects. I haven't had insurance so I haven't been seen since June last year. I have GAD, panic disorder, OCD, agoraphobia and major depressive disorder and my phobia with is exaggerated over all that's wrong.

Thanks Larry. I'm Sorry your wife suffered with this too.
Posted 1/15/2015 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hey BKM,

Try your best to stay in the moment. Here and now.

I couldn't help but note the statement "...laying here thinking about how I felt earlier..."

Try to concentrate of how you feel now. Chances are it is better...and then you can go from here...not that earlier place of feeling yuck!

If you were going to be sick, you would have by now. This is just the understandable stress of your situation manifesting itself in your anxiety achilles heel, so to speak...

...you fear stomach issues, therefore you tend to focus on the effect that anxiety can have on the tummy.

Try to do your best to use your coping skills and stay in the present today.:)

S.C.
Posted 1/16/2015 8:01 AM (GMT 0)
My day turned out to be way more than I bargained for. I didn't get everything I set out to accomplish today done. Start fresh again tomorrow I suppose. I just don't seem to have enough time.

I definitely had to stop focusing on my stomach and how I felt. It's just so hard when that's my main anxiety and panic trigger.

I stopped in to see if I was capable of paying cash to see my old psych doctor but they said no. I asked if he worked outside of kaiser they said no. I have that appointment at the end of the month. But I'm not looking forward. I worked so hard with my last one and he was the only one compassionate about being sympathetic to my phobia. It's so hard to get a relationship with a doctor like that.

Then. I'm guessing my husband found one of my journals. Because he's been acting unusual. Oh well. He doesn't have to like or agree with my feelings. Their mine.
Posted 1/16/2015 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, but it sounds like you did get more done than you thought possible! Good on you...focus on what you were able to do, in spite of how you were feeling.

Keep up the efforts in finding help. You will. Hang in there until your appointment comes up.

You are doing great in the face of tough circumstances. Give yourself a pat on the back, and keep up the good work.

Thougths and prayers!

S.C.
Posted 1/16/2015 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah I know. Woke up again with nervous stomach. Over slept. Spent 45 minutes on the phone with the IRS for them just to tell me to get back on the computer to get the EIN number. So I got it. But my printer won't let me print. I wrote the number down. Supposed to go back to the bank and I need to go to Walmart. Then anxiety kicks in and I don't want to leave again. But I have to. Now my IBS decided to act up. My period is due in 2 days and that always makes me feel bad too. Waiting for anxiety meds to kick in so I can go.

It's so hard. Because I feel horrible. Or I gotta do stuff away from home. My time home is spent trying to pick up because I wasn't home. I haven't been paying much attention to my kids school work because I have so much to do. My husband gets mad because their not getting much done but I have to help them. But I have so much other stuff I gotta do lately that I n to do during the weekday too.

I'm just too overwhelmed. So here I am again stuck in my bed fearing leaving my house. But I Need to 😪😪😪😪😪
Posted 1/16/2015 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
bakomom, I suffer with agoraphobia, and it can really be such a terrible way to live, so afraid to go out because of the "what ifs", what if I have a panic attack......etc.

I've battled it worse this last year than ever before, and I believe that is because my depression has been at its worst this last year.

I try to keep my mind off of things, but to be completely honest my mind doesn't have to be on anything(that I am aware of) to start getting very anxious.

I can really understand your pain and hope you feel better.
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