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The Loss of Joy

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 2/3/2015 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
Excuse my vulgarity, but, darn THIS DISEASE.

Things have been bad these past two days. Anxiety up = Hello IBS! Which is a nice feed back loop rolleyes . I am just miserable. This relapse is supposed to be due to an adjustment in my medication, but my paranoid mind latches on that I have already had three weeks to adjust; so why now? That's not the point though...

One of the things I hate the worst about these states is I feel like they color everything. I lose sight of the joyful and happy moments. All I see are the sad and scared. I have dysthymia, so it is all to easy to point and say "look! You have always been sad!". But that isn't the whole picture. There was happiness there too. There was joy and beauty. It just gets so very hard to see. So very very hard.

Thank you for listening. I hope I am not over posting these past few days.
Posted 2/3/2015 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
J.,

Not at all...that's why we're here!

We were having our internet service lines worked on this morning...so I am getting a late start now catching up since I was off-line for a couple of hours!

It IS very hard to see that there will be good times/joy again when you are down...it's like being in a dark windowless room and only having a tiny candle...you can only see so far...and it's easy to imagine your reality is the small circle of light that you can see.

...but...when your meds and coping skills come together, it's like the overhead light (a big 175 watt one!) is turned on, and then you can see all again!

Be patient with yourself and the process...and keep posting.

We are here to cheer you on and and send encouragement! :)

S.C.
Posted 2/3/2015 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
Jolleg, I feel like that lately.
Actually I need to use these moments to create anchor moments for later use in times of fear and panic, but those fresh happiness moments I need to record them in my mind.

It seems so hard. It's like I am addicted to health anxiety and I need to find a fear, that is gonna feed me (or eat my energy to live, I must say) for a while.
I sometimes feel so hopeless. And When it is mixed with health concerns, x2 anxiousness doesn't feel fun :P

Thank you for sharing how you feel.
Posted 2/4/2015 4:34 AM (GMT 0)
Jolleg, you were so kind to answer my post this morning. (And rrakkma too) You both made my day so much better. I was able to relax and find joy! Now I'm hoping to spread that joy to you!! At the end of the day you can sit back and know you made a difference in someone's life. I hope that puts a big ole grin on your face😁
Posted 2/4/2015 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
I can relate to your feelings. I'm bipolar and when i get lows, I definitely feel the same way. Sending hugs and prayers!
Posted 2/4/2015 12:03 PM (GMT 0)
Aw dear Beth, you dont need to mention. I am very happy that you are feeling better now :)
We are here for each other <3
Posted 2/4/2015 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
I can totally relate to you as well as I am on a medicine change. Just hang in there. I hope you find some comfort today We are here for you.
Posted 2/4/2015 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Rrakkma, Your post really hit home for me this morning. I wanted to share something that it reminded me of. My church has a women's group called "The Anchor". We share stories, worship, sing songs, and remind ourselves that God is always there and there is always hope in Him. Those good times and that hope is our anchor for the other times that aren't so good. When we just feel like we can't go on...we can and we do.

I also totally relate to your comment about being addicted to health anxiety. I told my doctor that yesterday too. I've had anxiety since my early 20s but sometimes I swear there just HAS to be something wrong that isn't caused by anxiety. How can this pain or skipped beats or shortness of breath (and our lists go on) really just be anxiety????? I'm so glad we're all here to support and encourage each other through the good days, the scary times and the ones that feel like we're at the end of our rope.
Posted 2/4/2015 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah I totally agree with you SweetPanda! It is really so strange that it has to be a worry everyday. It's like a curse following us.
I have a strange thing, ongoing for a couple of days now and I try to figure it out according to my CBT knowledge so far.

It is that, I had this worry about a week ago, nodes in my neck but when I touched and checked I couldn't find anything but it felt like there was something there. Sore neck muscles and all... Then My hubby checked it and nothing, I cleared it in my mind.

Then next day I had esophageal cancer worry, because of my reflux symptoms are worrying me lately. But after searching and learning that even though its mostly a fatal one but a very rare condition indeed and I shouldn't worry. I thought at least I can check reflux with dr and get help soon... I cleared it in my mind...

TODAY, I my mind is on my neck again... I thought "What the freakin hell is going onnnnn???" (sorry for the rude language) :(
I checked my neck again and nothing there, again...

It is so strange, I guess the problem comes from our focusing habit... We focus too much on our body. There is a video I found before, actually explain this situation overall for anxiety in general. If I find it I will post <3
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