Kinda blue today

Feeling SAD and sort of worried overall today. I think it's just a hormonal fluctuation, but even so, I feel sorta blue. I keep thinking of all of the things that have scared me over the past 8 months. Fertility treatments, pregnancy, agoraphobia, panic attacks, the end of pregnancy, IBS, polyps, fear of future Cancer, fear of never having more children, fear of not living long enough to watch my current child grow up, fear of never beating panic. Lots of real yucko thoughts today, as well as a strange pain in my front teeth that's making me anxious.

I don't know. I just can't seem to see the light today. I did manage to walk on the treadmill and that was nice, but it agitated my knee, so bummer there.

Geez what a downer post.

I do journal, however I haven't in awhile. I should. Maybe it'll help if I write all this toxic garbage down.

Funny you should mention your join date. Mine is August 2009. That was when I had what you went through the other day, while I was at work. The end all, be all of panic attacks that earned me an ambulance ride to the ER. On a positive note, there was a nice chunk of time in there where panic seemed to not rule my life. At least I think there was. It's hard to remember at this point.

Also, the teeth thing is really bugging me! I don't know why! It's been going on all day and it's these twinges and it feels almost like its shooting up my nose.
Today is clearly not my day.

Park,
It's ok to write these downer posts. It's good to vent about whats going on. The sooner it makes its way out of your head and onto paper (or onto this forum) the better. You can acknowledge it, and then give it to God. Try your best to be present today. Maybe do something with your son, just you two. Take a walk, go to the park, watch a movie together and relish in the moment. You'll be able to see your son grow old and have his own kids. And I bet you'll be a great grandma, too. Maybe even a great, great grandma. As far as the teeth pain, do you grind your teeth? Or clench?

I bet the teeth sensation is from clenching! If you have all the ingredients, sometimes a cup of chamomile tea helps and a few deep breaths. Get yourself back to being in the moment. This too shall pass. I promise.

I do have chamomile. Maybe I have some after dinner. A warm bath might be nice too...

MG - why can we not focus on the words of Larry more often?? The thoughts feel so real.

Haha! No kidding. I'm sure this time of year isn't helping. The gloomy weather and all that. Ugh, I don't know. I have a physical in a few weeks and maybe some health reassurance from my doctor will make me feel a little better. I have a lot of questions for him on improving my health to try and be sure that I'm around for a nice long time.

Thanks Barb. I could definitely use some sun.

My latest mantra is
it's better...better in the Bahamas

Sending you peaceful, tropical vibes

I want to see some snow. Now I'm feeling very left out. ;-( lol. How a trade I will give you all some Santa Ana wind action they are dry noisy and usually whip around my house at 100mph. They constantly howl All night. If I had some snow then I could pile it up around the house and keep the dry hot wind out. And have a goose pond in the spring. I think a trade is in order.
I grind and clench my teeth. The shooting pain up the nose is because that is where the nerves are. When I feel blue I listen to Rolling Stones "paint it black" then you can imitate james brown and say "I feel good" and meditate on pink Floyd's dark side of the moon. Me, I like the blues , moody blues, blue oyster cult , suede shoes, berries, and if smurfs were red it seems just wrong. Don't you think?
Smiles are rainbows we wear on our faces!
I worry to I won't be able to enjoy getting all the kids out of the house. My 12 year old still pouts that I said kids are like termites they get into your house , wander around the neighbor hood, bring home more creatures like them, then when they grow up they bring home their kids.
< awe I remember when they were babies too. You will be around for the invasion of your privacy>

Ps . I have "a" Larry voice in my head. Mine is Larry the cable guy ? Blue collar comedy.
Life is too short. We must laugh. It's good for our souls. And the first person I make fun of everyday is that strange woman who looks like my mother in the mirror.