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Anxious/depressed people and friendships?

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Posted 2/23/2015 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
For years I have found making friendships hard to do.

Do you think anxious and depressed people give off some sort of vibe that says stay away from me, I'm not worthy or I'm too much trouble?

I have to wonder if I chase people away before they even decide if they want to be a friend to me.
Posted 2/23/2015 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Tela,

For me, I realized that others pursued friendships much more than I did...as in boldy asking others to hang out, ect...

When I was younger, I just assumed that if someone wanted to be friends, they would approach me.

Well, it goes both ways, right? If everyone thought that way...no one would be getting together, lol! ;p

Do you actively pursue relationships? Are you the initiator?

If so...how does it work out? Are you met with postive results?

Not 100% of course...everyone is turned down or blown off at times. This has nothing to do with you personally...it is just a fact about being outgoing.


Maybe if you are the one to make the first move, you will find more doors opening in your social life.

If you are nervous about asking just one person face to face...how about using social media to suggest a group get together...something casual, like a coffee date with several aquaintences?

Start with little steps to build your confidence.

I am sure that you are a friend that many people would be blessed to have...

...but you may have to put yourself out there a bit...and risk to get to that place...

Best wishes!

S.C.

Posted 2/23/2015 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
I admit I'm not usually the one to pursue making a new friendship. It's been years of fear that keep me quiet and wait for others to ask me to do things. You are right when you say you have to do that, or at least someone does!

I do have lifelong friends but they have all moved a great distance away so it's more of an email type friendship with once in a great while seeing each other in person.

Just this past year 2 of my nearby friends moved far away. One to a different country even!

In the past 7 years at least 2 people have just left me for reasons I still don't understand and yet I didn't value the friendship enough to ask them why. That's my low self esteem talking!

I am married to a man who could care less if he has any friends in his life so it's hard for me to find a couple to do things with.

I am curious if others have the same issues with making and keeping friends.
Posted 2/23/2015 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
For me I would say that my problem is being an active friend. Because I prefer to be at home with my hubby and son, I tend to decline when I have friends invite me for a girls night out. I also do this because I fear having a panic attack in a small group setting at a place like a restaurant or bar. I'm working very hard on not doing this anymore because I definitely value the friendships I have and don't want to lose them because I'm not an active member in the relationship.

As for meeting new people, neighbors and things like that; I have done an ok job at making new friends, but have found it much easier to initiate if I'm planning a couples dinner or something like that. I had a neighbor invite my son and I for a play date when we first met and it was the most awkward thing ever. It felt more like an interview!

I guess I'm saying I can relate, but sometimes it helps to push ourselves a little bit, because you may make a really great friend by doing so!
Posted 2/23/2015 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
tela,

I think that vibe can be put out there and people can sense it. It's possible. I was told twice last week I need a girlfriend in which I replied, "I don't want to be around me, so why would anyone else?
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