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I'm Such a mess. And anxiety is controlling me

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 3/7/2015 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe long. Not sure. So sorry in advance.

I feel like the last 2-3 months have been my living hell. So I was slowly moving into my grandmas house. Me and my husband agreed on divorce. But he would still cuddle me. Which was nice because I needed it. But it was confusing me. He flew to Texas for a job interview. so I took advantage of the fact that he was gone and couldn't interfere with me moving out. So one day I spent cleaning and packing. Next day spent on moving out. I was out before he got home. He quit texting me. I'm sure he was mad/upset I took off while he was gone.

It's been a week since I officially moved out. For the past 2 months I've been feeling so sick with stress and anxiety. Me and this stupid phonia that controls my life. Stress and anxiety affect the stomach so naturally it's making me feel unwell. I been trying to keep muse distracted by cleaning, organizing and sorting. Past 2 days I really over did it and I feel so horrible. I'm nauseated, my body aches, I'm weak. I keep thinking im sick so my anxiety gets worse. I took my anxiety pill and nausea pill and all it did was make my head feel funny.

Well stressor again. My husband had been on a bad side of town recently and making ATM withdrawals. He's an ex addict. I'm Worried he's gotten stressed and went back to it. Found out yesterday he's been getting Vicodin from my dad a lot. He took our boys last night which has me more stressed.

Then to top all my pain off. I was cleaning the garage. And in my dresser was my husbands magazines. They weren't X rated. But close to it. I have really bad low self esteem. so he knows I get upset when he's got those magazines. But to see so many of them just made me so upset and feel so horrible. I feel like such an ugly old hag. Especially to those he likes to look at.

I'm Really losing it. And I hate how I'm scared to throw up. Because I know I easily could right now. I can't even get up and move around. I'm so terrified.
Posted 3/8/2015 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry you're not having a good day, or good month for that matter. I wish I had a magic pill to make it better but I don't, just know that we are here for you and understand how you're feeling. Sending you a {{{HUG}}} cause you sound like you are in need of one.
Posted 3/8/2015 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
prayers going up

don't let those magazines get the best of you...I've been in your situation and have been upset by them but truth be told Women are from Venus and Men from Mars...visual stimulation is their thing and is not a reflection about you

All my best
Posted 3/8/2015 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
Funny about what you said about your self image, if they passed a law that men had to look at themselves
in a mirror when reading those mags they would not be able to bs themselves, we are ugly, lol, Peace

Momma it will pass.

Larry ***
Posted 3/8/2015 5:26 AM (GMT 0)
BKM,

I am really sorry that you are going through this now. :(

Separation/divorce is never easy...even if it is something that you want /know must happen.

Try to pace yourself during this time, to keep yourself healthy body and mind.

I remeber taking really small, baby steps during my divorce...because some days I just felt like shutting down.

Know that we care about you here, and that we are with you in spirit, and sending you thoughts of encouragement and wellness.

S.C
Posted 3/8/2015 10:30 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you. Eventhough I know I had to move on and away it's still hard. But for the first time in a long time I feel like I can breathe. I just hope he didn't go back to using. Sad to say I'm not worried about him using. He's a grown man and knows better. I just worry about our boys being there.

I eventually started to feel a bit better and did some stuff. I haven't been taking care of myself. I look like a bag of bones. I've never seen chest bones till tonight. My doctor gave me Paxil. But I have a couple busy days ahead of me and not feeling like going through new side effects right now.

I have another stressful situation I forgot to post. My grandma left me as beneficiary on her stuff. She had 2 IRA accounts and 2 annuities. I already had a couple financial people lined up. I had just recieved all the paperwork and my grandmas guy calls and says he wants to help me. So he did. The thing I'm stressed about. Is I don't work. I wanted to go to school and get a new trade because doing hair I don't make much money and there isn't many jobs available right now. My husband isn't working. He's blowing money like crazy. Now this guy immediately put one IRA in my name. So I can't touch the money. One annuity was coming in a check. He said don't cash it. Call me when you get it. So he can lock that one away too. But I'm concerned about my financial future right now. I have no income. I just inherited a house that has a lot of things done to it. Plus just every day living and monthly bills. This guy called 3 times this week wanting that check. He called me again today but I didn't answer. I was persistent and got ahold of a CPA I was talking to and told him my situation and how this guy is hounding me for this check that I just recieved yesterday! Just seems fishy. He's making me nervous and I don't want him locking every bit of money away. I'm sure it's for his benefit. Well anyway. I'm stressed over that too. I'm Not good at turning people down. So that also makes me scared. I don't know what to say to this guy. I don't want to deal with him. Yet I have to because he's the one in control over the other account.

I'm such a mess :(
Posted 3/8/2015 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
The most important thing is not to let this inheritance be something your ex can ask for half of....
Posted 3/8/2015 1:08 PM (GMT 0)
Luckily it isn't a crazy amount. Yet a good amount someone like that guy wants to get his hands on to invest. He already invested some. So hopefully I can get an appointment soon with a financial advisor. He's suppose to call Monday.

I slept like 30 minutes and couldn't go back to sleep. This is going to be a loooooong day
Posted 3/8/2015 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Momma, even if you give someone else authority to do things for you, your still the Boss! Peace

Larry ***
Posted 3/9/2015 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
peace to you- keep us posted
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