Posted 3/20/2015 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Been battling my anxiety since I had my fourth baby well he was about 2 months old. He's now 4 months and I've been to ER, regular dr, cardiologist and they all say I'm fine. But I can't shake the feeling that somethings wrong deep down. Within all this I've lost 25 lbs within 2 wks but I can afford to lose a few pounds. I try to overcome my anxiety naturally but it hard n exhausting I just want to feel n be normal without the fear of dying every time I relax or try to go to sleep. I don't know if my anxiety is so bad because I'm scheduling my first surgery to get fixed bc I've had all my kids back to back. I've never been put to sleep for anything before n I fear if they put me to sleep that I won't wake up. I've managed to get back into working bc being a stay at home mom may have also caused anxiety. I went to psychiatrist n he prescribed klonopin .5 mg but it made me too tired that I hardly forced myself to get up so he said take half a pill for a week then go up to a full pill during week 2 along with klonopin he prescribed tegretol. But, having anxiety caused from my bipolar I looked up stuff on Internet n I've gotten horrible stuff n good stuff about the medicines. Like tegretol ur suppose to get regular blood tests to make sure it's not affecting ur blood count n with both medicines u can get a serious skin rash very unlikely but my mind can't agree with that. I'm scared of taking my medicine bc it's not what I use to be on n that was lithium but I didn't want to use lithium because of the blood tests but lithium helped me tremendously when I was a kid. I've even tried going on what my therapist offered that maybe I can just go to talk therapy n maybe I just need to talk n not have to take mess bc I don't like putting something in my body that's suppose to help but could also hurt u. But, I'm tired, lost, I can't distinguish what's anxiety or what my mind n body is telling me. I lift myself to get better in my small modes like depression that last not very long. I feel like I'm 60 when I'm only about to be 23 next month thinking that if I relax or try to sleep I won't get up or if I passed out the night b4 it scares me bc I feel like I didn't even realize it n that I could've died. I also don't want to rely to much on klonopin bc of the chance of getting addicted. I can usually put anything down without problems except I will admit I'm addicted to cigarettes. But, I've occasionally smoked pot but I can put it down with ease n have an occasional wine cooler but I don't need alcohol every year, month,or day. N I've never tried nor wanted to try any other bad habits. I'm just tired, exhausted, restless. Feel like each day I'm in a dream or "just there". Don't know if I'm in recovery or not from my bad anxiety I was having before with the chest pains n the heart pounding. But, I can't just feel relaxed without feeling like I'm dying. I start to shiver if I'm up around 1 am. I also say to myself most of the week," use got to get sleep b4 u have to get up to get kids to school at 6:40 am, use got to get sleep to feel better n get over anxiety." But I can't get relaxed without being scared n I ask myself will this end? When I know eventually it will but can't find answers. Do I take my medicine? Can I get through this without medicine? How will I know I'm normal again without the feeling of anxiety lurking around the corner n my cycle friend doesn't help one bit....I try to listen to my fiance when he tells me I'm ok nothing is medically wrong. But, my doubts come in n he feels like I don't trust him...