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Posted 3/20/2015 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone,

I really hope you are all well?

Sorry I have not been on here for a while, my consultant advised me to stay away from forums and try not to focus on the depersonlization and the anxiety but I still have it really bad and I am struggling with my mental big time right now.

I had to quit my full time job after trying to go back, I told the consultant I wanted to come off the sleeping tablets and he switched me from Clonzapam to Diazapam as they are longer lasting and will assist me with coming off the sleeping tablets.I have pretty much come off the sleeping tablets and now have a taper plan in place to come off the diazapam 20mg....I made the big mistake of taking around 10 strong codeine per day and although they made me feel nice short term, I am pretty sure that they stop the anti-depressants from doing their job properly. I stopped them two days ago and I feel really not with it, I am so scared I am losing my mind. I have constant worries as I have a gig to do tomorrow but I feel worse than ever and have no idea if I am going to be able to do it.

Sorry to rant on but I just feel so bad and wondered if anyone else had anxiety so bad that they felt so spaced out and like they was going crazy?

I want to go hospital because I feel that low but I have gigs to do and bills to pay and I think if I can get through the next week or so then I may feel bettter.

Sorry to go on....hope everyone is okay since I last spoke to them.
Posted 3/20/2015 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, I was wondering what happened to you!
I'm so sorry that youre still dealing with this.
Maybe it is just your body adjusting to less meds.
How had you been doing prior to reducing? Are you on an antidepressant?
Do you mind me asking what the codeine was for?
Withdrawl from any narcotic can cause you to feel pretty lousy.
I must say, that if you have been struggling this long with no relief, maybe a stay in the hospital is what you need to get sorted out?
I sure hope you feel better sooner than later.
You are definitely not going crazy because you wouldn't be asking that question if you were!!!
Trust me, I've googled it lol!
Be well, Lisa
Posted 3/20/2015 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hey I am so sorry I havent been about, I hope you are okay Lisa?? I felt rude just coming off the site but I was wiling to give anything a try.

I am still on the same anti-depressants - Mirtrizapine & Duluxetine but I really am starting to think they are not right for me. I tried cutting the Mitrizapine in half for a couple of nights but what I forgot is they are more sedative the lower the dose so I just felt like a zombie but a zombie that is clinging on to reality. Anyway I put them back up to normal dose.

Honestly speaking I was taking the codeine for back pain year ago but then I actually just liked the feeling they gave me so I began taking them for no reason but just to get the nice chilled out feeling from them, not good I know but I did that for many years up until when they started me on the Duluxetine because I just had this feeling and had read a couple of things on the net stating that codeine is a depressant and some doctors were saying that their patients only responded to anti-depressants once they stopped the codeine so I just stopped it dead and I didn't have any withdrawals which was lucky.The Duluxetine stopped me from going over the edge and panicking but did not take away the depersonalization.

I try to tell myself I am not going crazy but my thoughts are so mixed up and jumbled and I feel so disconnected from them so its almost impossible to do this on my own.

How are you Lisa? I really hope you are well?

Sean
Posted 3/20/2015 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
hi sean. feel better soon. good 2 c u.

going crazy-nah. i understand about the mixed up stuff. you have self awareness and articulation of your condition.
Posted 3/21/2015 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Well this all makes alot of sense to me now.
You said that you've stopped the codeine two days ago?
I'm pretty sure that this is why you are feeling this way.
Just try and ride it out and you will gradually feel better and better. When my mom quit klonopin cold turkey, she was completely out of sorts, which is totally not normal for her. She had a hard time describing how she felt and had no clue that it was connected to her stopping the klonopin. She thought she had a mild stroke or something!
Once she new what was going on, she knew how to deal with it.
She's all better now, and you will be too!! This I know.
Peace, Lisa
Posted 3/21/2015 5:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi SB and welcome back:)

I am sorry that your counselor advised you from being an active participant here. I had a therapist tell me the same...and while I am not advising going against your professional 's guidance...I can tell you that I did, and glad I did!!

May I ask if your DP coincides with your overuse of the Codeine? I am wondering if there is a connection . I commend you for coming off of them, but wonder if you need a safe schedule for this rather than doing it cold turkey? Codeine is an opiate and abrupt cessation is not advised.

Can you come clean with your doc about this for a gradual weaning plan.?


I really think you are going to a difference in how you feel once your system clears of them.:)

Keep up the good work...and I wish you discernment in whether you continue to post with us.

We are here for you anytime!

S.C.

Posted 3/21/2015 6:37 AM (GMT 0)
yeah, i am glad that i am avid-persistent and or a pain here!! lol. the forums i am on are too important to me.

side note. SC you were one of my first members to say hello. kitt might have been before you. i think karen was first. yeah karen was as i remember the depression forum was my first post.

cool memories, heaps of healing and love from all over the years. still learning and developing, i am a better man for being with you all. so much wisdom is around here. experience, knowledge, compassion and understanding. how can you not continue to learn, heal develop and give back. plus you are all good enough to put up with me!!
Posted 3/21/2015 9:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome back to the forum good to hear from you.

I to have been advised in the past to not use a support forum but choose to continue as I find that I get a lot out of it.

Remember I am not a doctor but I am pretty sure that you are feeling the way you are due to stopping the Codeine cold turkey. Your doctor should of advised you that you need to taper of this opiate slowly to avoid withdrawal effects. I would make an appointment with your doctor and see what he suggests.

I take strong opiates and have done for years due to a chronic pain condition but it does not effect my antidepressants which I take 2 of and as far as I know it is safe to combine these drugs well that's what my psychiatrist told me.

Keep us posted.

Hibee
Posted 3/21/2015 11:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone,

Really good to hear from you all. No I was taking codeine before I ever got DP and it just gave me a nice relaxed feeling but last year, they tried me on all these different anti-depressants and the only ones that started working was the ones I started when I stopped the codeine and they are the ones I am on right now, I think taking the codeine for about 2 months has stopped or reduced the affects the anti-depressants has had on me so I had to stop them again. My consultant didn't even know I was taking the codeine again because he would have advised against it. I have a gig tonight and feel pretty crappy and spaced out, I am on 20 mg of diazapam but I feel that I already have a high tolerance to the diazapam because of how much codeine I used to make.

I just have to see how the next few days go and go from there, I may have to go into hospital for a bit because I feel so low and feel like giving up. I took a couple of low strength codeine last night so its not such a shock to my system.

I think every human has a limit and I have had this depersonlisation for over a year pretty much non stop and I cant take much more :(
Posted 3/21/2015 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
SBS,

If you are getting to that breaking point, then please go in and get some temporary in-patient treatment. Don't wait it out. You need to be safe. I am concerned reading your last post.

Call a friend or family memeber to take you please. There is help and hope, and you have acess to both...and support.

We are here, but I would sure feel better knowing that you made that call. Will you check in soon please and let us know?

With understanding and compassion,

S.C.
Posted 3/22/2015 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

I just got home from doing a gig for a friend, I felt numb throughout but somehow made it through it but I dropped my friend off home and then pretty much cried all the way driving home and I am not even ashamed to say that because this is a living hell. I feel like a zombie and maybe it is because of the codeine having an effect on the anti-depressants so I guess I have to wait for anti-depressants to kick in again but I honestly don't know how I am getting through day to day.

I don't feel like I have any hope right now but I have felt simalar before and I got through it so I have to keep trying. I want to beat this so I can help other people who are suffering with depression and anxiety even if its just voluntary work.

I am so tired I am going to go to sleep as it's like 230am here in London. I hope everyone has had a lovely saturday :) x
Posted 3/22/2015 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for checking in. Sorry you had a rough night. Hopefully you will get some good restorative sleep, and be able to make a good decision tomorrow on how you are going to proceed.

If you are still feeling as you did yesterday, then please reach out and get the help that you need.

We are wishing the best for you and want to see you back on the road to recovery!

S.C.
Posted 3/22/2015 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone,

I had to wake up early to go to the hotel I do most of my gig's at and help them set up a sound system so now I am going back to bed lol.

I was just talking to my friend earlier and I have realised that before I even stopped the codeine, I was getting signs of withdrawing from anti-depressants like brain zaps and vivid dreams and I only ever get those symptoms when I have missed and anti-depressant or are coming off them which further backs up my belief that the codeine was acting as a depressant and cancelling out the anti-depressant. Why am I so stupid that I even go back to the codeine, if there is the slightest chance they could hinder my progress then I just need to leave them alone which I have done now.

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday :)

Sean
Posted 3/22/2015 3:29 PM (GMT 0)
Good realizations SBS! I am glad that you are putting together the pieces of the puzzle...

...that is eventually going to lead to your getting the right mix of the appropiate Rx's for you for your anxiety management!

Keep working on self-help skills as well...and you have a nicely rounded out plan.

Hope you catch up on your rest.

The hubs is a part time rock star as well.:) (he is an packaging engineer/salesman by day) He gigged out 3 x's this week!! Not his usual schedule of course...just a bunch of shows all at once. I believe he is feeling it take its toll today, lol!! ;p

S.C.
Posted 3/22/2015 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks SC,

Wow the hubs a lot busier than I am which is most likely a good thing lol

I think to myself now that would those antidepressants that I was given early last year would have worked because I only stopped the codeine once I started the ones that I am on now and those ones started to work for the anxiety. Would be interesting to know how I would have felt if I hadn't been taking codeine all this time. I am sure that codeine is okay in small doses but not like I was taking around ten a day.

I have definitely learned my lesson and will do whatever it takes to feel better.

Hope everyone is having a nice chilled sunday.

Sean
Posted 3/24/2015 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
Sean-

I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling. I haven't been active here for a few months. I check posts occasionally & always look to see if you or Hawk have posted.

I've been doing better. Still have my moments of low moods/DR but overall, heading in a good direction. Therapy, specifically psychoanalysis, is helping me tremendously. I go once/week.

Please consider coming clean to your consultant about your codeine dependency. They will not judge you. It's important for your recovery to let them know anything you're taking that they aren't aware of or that you're taking more than you're prescribed. How're you getting enough to take up to 10/day if your consultant doesn't know?

You will be setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you cold turkey an opiate. It's physically & mentally not safe. Your body is addicted. You can safely get off of them but you must be honest with yourself and your consultant & have a plan.

I mentioned last summer that codeine/opiates can affect our brains in a big way and not always good. You may have successfully taken them prior to last years mess but like any medication, even AD's, they can stop working as intended.

Opiates affect our brain chemicals and the more you take, prescribed or not, make you chemically dependent, aka addicted. They can screw up your brain chemicals and make you more vulnerable to anxiety & depression which could be a factor why your struggle occurred last Feb & why you're still struggling.

Obviously I am not a doctor- just your friend here who cares a whole lot about you and literally have prayed daily for you since sometime last year.

You can get better. Your brain can heal. It's time to be brutally honest with your consultant. It's going to take more time but I truly feel this could be the breakthrough you've needed (getting honest & getting off the opiates) & have ZERO doubts that things WILL turn around for you.

Will continue to pray for you friend!

Lisa
Posted 3/25/2015 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Sean, good to hear from you.. I too had to take a break because I am doing so much better, but sometimes reading the posts made me feel anxious again. I sure hope you get to feeling better. Good luck and welcome back.
Posted 3/25/2015 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Sean

Good to hear from you but sorry to hear you are still struggling with anxiety and depression I know how hard they are to live with so it is important that you reach out to those around you and speak with your doctor about how you are feeling.

I live in the UK and we are lucky we have the NHS but waiting times to get the appropriate help can be very long. I think CBT would be very helpful for you so maybe something to ask your GP.

I take Dihydrocodeine every day for a chronic pain condition and have found that it does not inter fear with the antidepressants I take so maybe you have not found the right combination?

I hope you get some answers soon and start to feel better keep us posted.

Hibee
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