significant other

My girlfriend of a few months experiences panic attacks. She is being medicated for anxiety but has had bad experiences with therapy. She has panic episodes involving hyperventilation, sobbing, nausea and vommitting. The episodes are caused by any number of things, always relationship-oriented. Something as 'minor' as seeing an old picture of my ex or talk of something I did with her causes a full panic attack with all of the above symptoms that usually lasts hours if not days.

I tend to be very compassionate and consider myself to have a high threshold for negative things in a relationship, but I am having an especially difficult time with this. When a panic attack occurs, I am split.. I want to help her feel better, but I also start to try and think of ways I can get out of the relationship without hurting her. Most of the time things are fine with us, but when an attack occurs I am reminded of the reality that the future of the relationship will contain countless agonizing episodes of the same. I know that she thinks I'm the greatest thing ever and that she loves me deeply, despite only being together for a few months, which makes it all the more difficult to even think about breaking up. I know for certain it would damage her greatly and my conscience can't bear it; however i'm trapped because staying in the relationship seems omenous from the perspective of what I will have to endure if I don't break up. I have always had difficulty putting what I want above the needs of others, and it's finally gotten to the point that I've managed to trap myself in something that becomes less appealing the more I look at it, but even that statement seems so selfish and I hate myself for feeling like this when I know that she will undoubtedly suffer her whole life getting dumped because of her problems... It makes me sick to think about.


I'll listen to any advice or thoughts... I'm not in good shape... Sorry for the essay

Hi L986 and welcome.

I am sorry to hear about your tough situation...I am sure this is difficult for both of you.

However, it sounds as if you may be ready to move on, and that in the long run may be easiest and best for both of you.

Would you want someone to stay with you simply because they were reluctant to hurt you? Most likely not...and as Larry said, being honest is the best and kindest way of approaching the situation...

Utimately her issues are her own to manage, and you can only encourage her to get the help that she needs as a friend.

Staying in a romantic relationship that is not working for you is only going to be misleading.

Wishing the best for both of you!

Scaredy Cat