Doom

All,

Things are just never going to get better.

My dog has two torn ACLs I think. She can barely walk. Surgery could be on the horizon. She's ten years old. My heart is broken. Lifting her is tough for me. That hurts me mentally.

The loneliness I experience is emotionally crippling. My best friend that lived here whom I've only known a year moved to California. I sent him a text earlier and it looks like things are going great for him. I don't I.ow details yet. Am I a bad person for not wanting to hear how well someone else's life is going?

I don't think I can get by without my dad. Nothing seems worth it. The only thing I do to make him proud is doing things when I see they need to be done. I try and do many chores... anything to help make my mom's life easier.

On my shopping trip today, I went primarily gluten-free just to test things out although the surgeon I saw last week for my alleged hernia doesn't think Celiac's Disease is the culprit of my pelvic discomfort.

I've felt what I would call heartburn over the last few days and am having a panic attack as I write this.

Work is tough. I have a co worker telling mistruths about me. It's nothing personal, but is still unnecessary. I have to find it in my character to find a new job... which leads me to my final point.

...what is the point? Most of us don't like our jobs, but spend 40+ hours a week there. People wrong us because they suck. We get sick. There's never enough money. And do I attempt to better myself? Why bother? More money. More hassle. If I get a new job, I'll just be working with other boneheads in another venue. I'm trying to pay my student loans off in three years. ...it's gonna be a rough 36 months.

I just simply cannot deal. My therapy session was good Thursday and I got much off my chest. He can't talk with me 24/7 though.

Smooth,

Sorry about the rough stuff on your list. Some situations are just very hard...and we need to unpack that and acknowledge it of course.

However, making lists of positives to counter the hard things, and help us to see past the negatives is crucial to our soul's survival...and our will to keep going.

We have to literally mine for the happiness sometimes.

I'll grab your hat with the light...you get the pick ax, and let's do this...

(*cough, cough*...I've got the black lung! )

With support always my friend,

S.C.

Just making sure this stays towards the top!

Sophie, thanks for keeping this bumped.

I will write more later.