Hypohondriac! Finally i get it!

Hello!
My name is Mary and i am in my 30s.
First of all i apolognize my englsh, it's not my home language. But i hope that i will not be problem. I do my best to tell my short-long :) story.

I wanted to share my story with someone who doesn' t know me. And i found this forum and i felt that i want to tell about my life with my illness.

My life has been probably like many of us. Parents divorsed when i was youg teen. Afrer that problems in highschool, i was troubled young girl. Have had bad boyfriends. Have low opinion about my self, how i look. Always worry about what other think and so one...

Now i am happily married for 5 years. I have one year old healty child. My husband is perfect in everyway. My parents are ok. I love my work. Seems like everythig is guite well. And it is, but...

It all started 1,5 years ago, when i was pregnant. I have strong nearsightness and i went to eye doctor. It is important for high myopic women, to be confirmed that they can self give birth. Ok...eyedoctor said that it wold be better to me not to do that. My baby was born with that surgical way ( sry i don't know the right word for that in english). Everything went fine with me and baby. But after that all horror started. I know what are the risks with my eyes. But they are only risks. Something that might happen and might not. Problem was that that eyedoctor said something to me, what but me i a horrible situation. I dont even want to remmember that. I started looking information about my eyes from internet. And after that what i found and thought in my stupid mind, i was thinking that i most certantly go blind. There was enough time to another eyedoctor apoitment, so i lived allmost 6 weeks thinking how i will live as a blind person. I had panic attacks every day. I couldn't sleep. It was for me 24/7 i go blind, i go blind. And the hardest thing was for me that i had 1 month old baby, sweet baby. As mother i did and do well. But thouse i go blind thoughts really gave me hard time. It all went so bad, that i went to hospital. And i was diagnosed with panicattacks and mixed anixety. Ok i started therapy and took AD. Shortly after that i had my new eyedoctor appoitment. And i turned out, that i am high myopic and i have some risks more then other, for example retinal detachment. But its only higer risk, nothing for sure. But everything else is fine with my eyes. Then i was so happy. Everything was ok, even my eyesight felt better then before. Ofcoure i had all the symthoms before that i go blind. But it was all in my head. Now year later everthing is still same with my eyes. They are like they are. They are not sick.

For 2 months i was happy and fine. And then it stared all again. I was worried about my toes ( overlapping toes). Ofcourse they aren't
overlapping, they are perfect. And then i thought that i have melanoma in every birthmark what i have. And then just skincancer, thongue cancer, breast cancer, diabetes and so one...Allways searching answers from internet, looking people if they have something same...big mistake, it only makes things worse. Everyday i fing myself thinking that i have somekind of cancer or something with my eyes. The list is endless. Sometimes i go to doctor, sometimes the one illness is beated with another illness.

I am getting help from my therapist, medicine, from friends and family. I am doing everything to get better or just mantain my anxety in lowest level. Sometimes it works, sometimes it not. The thoughts and fear comes and goes. I am better now, because i know what it is. But it still hunts me. I am healthy and i know everything can happen. But if i am in my bad situation, then all feels like every illness is coming right away. Like steps in room just now in. Sometimes its funny, when i realise that its my mind not body. Oh...and i find out that humor is really good way to me to feel better.
Ok...now its enough. My thoughts about my mental illness are over. Sry again about my letter mistakes.

I hope everyone who has ever felt like me, gets help and feels better.

Take care
Mary.