Teacher with Panic Disorder at the end of rope

Hey I'm new. I should actually be teaching my class right now, but I had to have someone cover so I could go into my office and ride out my latest attack. The Ativan is finally kicking in and I'm slowly going into zombie mode.

I don't know why I'm reaching out. I don't know if it will make any difference. I guess I just don't want to keep to myself the fact that my life is getting unmanageable.

I lost my first teaching job because I had to go on medical leave for 6 weeks to manage my panic. When I came back they put the microscope on me and fired me at the end of the year.

I've been in a new district for 4 years now and only now have I resorted back to needing people to cover my class when I flip out. I've needed coverage twice in the past two weeks for one of my classes.

I love teaching, but my current school is a mess. There is no discipline, we have an "affective needs" center that is out of control and the school has been designated "turnaround" (aka I lose my job in 2 years no matter what). I can deal with the turnaround situation. I've actually been trying to get a new job since November, but the stress of not knowing where I'm gonna be in August is getting to me, I think.

A positive thing is that admin is fighting to keep me here and my evaluations have been stellar. I'm just so tired. And even though I do want to leave this school, I'm so scared that I'll have a repeat of what happened at my first teaching job.

I was relatively stable for a long time. Now I'm back to having panic attacks every day and my agoraphobia setting in (I'm determined not to let the agoraphobia win and still try to go out as much as I can, but I am so incredibly tired).

I know the answer is therapy. I try to go when I can but teaching makes it so hard. Add to that, I usually am involved with acting in a play (yeah, acting with a panic disorder, go figure). My time is limited and Kaiser does not make it easy to schedule appointments. In short: I go when I can.

Right now, in this moment, all I want to do is give up. I've been battling anxiety since I was a teenager and now I'm almost 30. If this is what life is going to be like (these ups and downs and constant worry about panic) then I don't want to keep living. What is the point of living in fear?

Hi Tri and welcome!

I am so sorry that you are having a rought time currently...but glad that you reached out, as having support and understanding really helps! In fact, I credit being a part of this community for a large part of my recovery.

I am glad to hear that therapy is an option for you! It is really going to help when you can get in for your sessions.

For times when you can't...have you inquired about SKYPE options?

...and have you ever worked a self help program?

If you would like, I can make some suggestions for you....

Also, our Resources here at the top of the main page are filled with great material to check out and put into practice.;)

Great advice and encouragement above as well! Hopefully between all of these ideas, you will find some hope that things can and will get better.

We are here for you...a whole community who understands what you are going though.

Post anytime,

Scaredy Cat