Agoraphobic in need of help!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know everyone here will be very supportive of you.

I can only imagine how scary this must be for you. I hope that through this you will be able to find your strength, and come out better on the other side.

Keep posting, and we will be here for you.

Can you get on disability?

Thank you all so much for your responses. It does help to have someone to talk to.

As for my husband I called repeatedly and he won't answer. He sent a couple of vague texts. So in a moment of desperation I called his family to find out if they knew what was going on. They played dumb and I broke down and started to cry because I knew they were covering for him. Then his nephew called me back and says he lied to me, he knows my husband left without telling me and he didn't want to be caught in the middle. He said he quit his job and left for Alaska.

After having a major panic attack and near breakdown, the phone rings and it's my very angry husband telling me to stop calling his family. He said he isn't leaving me and he's coming home in a few days. But that's not what his nephew said and since I've been lied to so much I don't believe my husband. I can tell you that my husband did not sound happy to talk to me either. He was irate and said he didn't want to talk to me because I would just get emotional and cry. He kept saying I love you and I'll see you soon.

Why on earth would he be stringing me along like this and not just tell me the truth? Everyone knew he was leaving except me and my daughter. I don't have a therapist because I don't have great health insurance. Also I can't get disabilty, I've tried. I didn't file quickly enough after I left my job and I lost my chance at benefits. I'm truly on my own with this matter and not prepared for what will happen next. I just can't seem to sleep or eat and really need to vent. Thank you guys!

Thank you for your responses. I got a little sleep last night but now that the shock of everything is setting in I just feel really depressed. I reached out to a family member yesterday hoping they would be helpful and settle my fears but they just said they didn't know what to tell me. They were concerned for me but weren't going to help me if in fact he doesn't come home.

Yes, this is a pattern with him. He had several affairs earlier in our marriage, which I think was a major cause of my depression and agoraphobia. Just the stress of it all got to me and I just couldn't get out of bed and go to work anymore. Most of my family passed away many years ago. The only family I have left is an aunt and a half sister who rarely speak to me. I don't know where my dad is and many of my old friends moved away a long time ago. Being agoraphobic I haven't really made any new friends.

The hardest part of all this is knowing that if I were emotionally stable, had a good job, and support from family I wouldn't put up this. Most people when faced with marital problems have the strength to walk away if they have to knowing they will be better off. But all I can see is a broken person with no options and a hard road ahead.

Even if my husband comes home he will resent me for making him stay. Obviously he doesn't want to be a husband and I think he sees me as a burden. His friend in Alaska is single, has a good job, and no attachments so I believe my husband wants a life like that. I'm also really hurt that my in-laws encouraged him to do this and kept this from me. They are a Christian family and I thought they would have told him to go home to his wife and work out whatever he was feeling, not abandon her. But they did just the opposite. I'm just feeling pretty alone right now and wish I didn't have panic attacks or depression. Life would just be simpler.

Please pray for me and my daughter as well. She's taking this hard too. My husband hasn't even tried to talk to her yet, even though I have encouraged him to. Thank you all.

Thank you for your advice. Sorry it took so long to post. I've had such a hard time sleeping due to the anxiety. It feels like I'm suffocating. I'm trying to be as calm as I can in front of my daughter but the stress is wearing me down. It's hard to get out of bed.

I don't have a lawyer and probably can't afford one. Our home is relatively new and we still have 20 years on our mortgage. He is now telling me this trip is just a vacation and he's coming home on Sunday. He said we will figure this all out and he will find another job in our area. He says he isn't abandoning us and that he would never do that. He had me book an airline ticket home for him yesterday, I just hope he gets on the plane.

However, even though he may be coming home my gut tells me he isn't going to stay. I've found out some more things about his trip. I've been told he was telling his cousin he's had the money to fly to Alaska for a couple of weeks. His Alaskan friend sent him a lot of money to get to Alaska. So this was planned and not spur of the moment as he tells me. When I talk to him he says I love you, but if I ask him if he's excited to get home he says "well sort of". If I press him about anything too serious he starts making excuses to get off the phone. He constantly talks about how awesome Alaska is and the scenery is amazing.

Last night he mentioned getting temporary residence in Alaska and getting a mailing address and small bank account there so he can get a hunting and fishing license. I told him that it feels like he's scheming to live in Alaska and I don't want to wake up one morning and find he's gone again. He says he's not. I don't believe him and he obviously thinks I'm an idiot. He told his family not to talk to me about anything because I'll just become hysterical. I don't really see myself as a hysterical person. I guess anyone who cries over being betrayed is hysterical in his eyes.

I've been trying to find some self help articles online but I must not be looking in the right places. Most articles I find are an advertisement to buy a program or the articles are very brief. I'm trying to think of ways to see a cognitive behavioral therapist but may not be able to afford it. I'm just trying to get through each day without having a breakdown. Thank you all very much for the support. You've been very helpful to me.

I am sorry this happened to you, I will say a Prayer for you and your daughter.
My wife was agoraphobic for 17 years and i am not some hero it just didnt occur to me that a man could
just walk away, we had two daughters. I didnt understand a lot of her problems i kept thinking that if she
really loved me she would just get out of bed and start living again. She had PAD and it was tough on all
of us, we went to group therapy because it was cheaper but we both were happy with the results, the group was a self help type and was CBT centered, she is fine now days still needs meds to function but i am glad to have her back. "What really changed my thinking was the day i had my first panic attack", yes enlightenment is awesome! We have been married for 49 years I just want you to realize that there really is a tomorrow and you will be ok, put it in God's Hands, I wish you much Peace~
Larry ***