Need advice

Things just aren't going well.

I pleaded with my supervisor to let me have my ear buds back at work, so she asked her boss that asked her boss and he said no. My supervisor recommended I speak with him. I am the lone male amongst a dozen middle-aged women and cannot focus on my work with all the gossip. Why does he take my privilege away and not their privilege to visit and gossip, personal calls, etc.? There is a company coming out with relatively invisible ear buds. Do I even talk to him or just use those when I get them? If I wasn't a product of male-patterned baldness, I would just grow my hair long. I am unaware of an HR department.

It is a foregone conclusion that I will not be there much longer. Do I wait until the new year to look for something else? See, I want to go to California in October, then November and December and January are loaded with holidays. Or do I bear the burden of this JOB and go get my Masters degree? I feel any job I take would be just that, a job, and the move would be a lateral one. The upward mobility of my current job is limited at best. I guess I need a career. I don't know how to go about getting a Masters. How much does it cost? How long does it take?

I need to lose weight again. That was my GI's recommendation for my pelvic discomfort. He still feels no invasive procedures is the way to go. I will see a dietician soon.

Has anyone here had surgery? How did you get your strength back? Do you heal internal scar tissue by working it out?

I am truly lost and death seems like my only salvation. My beliefs don't allow me to end it myself. I don't understand why having a decent career, a full head of hair, a significant other, and to feel good is too much to ask.

I have some concerts and possibly a California trip to look forward to, but those good times will pass. What then? I am just ready to die.

Wow John, alot going on. First of all, we missed you around here, haven't seen you in a couple weeks. :)

I am sorry about the headphone deal, if it was me I would talk to the head boss that said no and tell him exactly what you told us here, about the woman gossiping, making personal calls and just being loud, tell him you can concentrate better on your work tuning it all out. You have nothing to lose, all he can do is say okay, or no.

I think going back to school for a Master's sounds fabulous, it takes anywhere from 4 to 6 years which sounds like a life time, but what are you doing now? Being miserable where you are working. I can't even guess how much it cost, but there are a ton of grants and scholarships available, not to mention student loans. You could work somewhere part time, while going to school, or stay where you are but fulltime school which is more then I think 12 credits a term is really hard when you are also working fulltime.

As far as surgery goes, I've only had 3 C-sections with each of my boys, I still have scar tissue but it doesn't usually bother me, it's been over 24 years with my last one. I also had carpel tunnel surgery on both wrist, but no scar tissue that I know of. Sorry can't be of more help on this one.

You have your trip to look forward too, so look forward to it and live one day at a time for now. There is no need to make any decisions today, write out a pro and cons list about going back to school, about staying at your current employer, and whatever else you need to decide on. I Love List!!

As far as losing weight, I'm no help there, I'm obese and although I do all the dinner cooking for the whole family ( Live with my parents and 1 brother) and all the shopping and could buy what I want too, certain things are just easier to make and being I"m in pain most the time I take the easy way out, lol.

I do wish you the best, know we are always here for you and we will walk any journey with you that you decide to take. :)

John,

You should definitely somehow seek out a Human Resources department. I worked in HR previously and your anxiety alone is a great reason for them to make an allowance for your ear buds. I'm shocked they're making such a big deal about this.

Have you ever considered a restorative yoga class? A lot of people do this during Cancer treatments, to recover from surgery, etc. It will help you stretch out muscles you maybe haven't used in awhile, as well as rebuild strength. Start slow and go from there.

I also think you could totally look into an online Master's program! That would be a great place to start and you can always transfer credits if you decide you wanna make it a more full time thing.

Ear plugs? Sorry that is all I can think of. If it was me I would for sure be talking to my doctor to get a note from her for my anxiety and taking it to the HR dept, they would have no choice that way.

Lisa, thank you. I'm typically not on a computer in my free time and I cannot type nearly as fast on my tablet as I can a regular keyboard. What you said is all I can really do as far as he goes. To be frank, I'm surprised he had the stones to do it. ...well, he didn't tell me. The one beneath him did because he is a jellyfish. If he still says no, I'll remind him of all I did to help him when he needed to be elected to his position. I work in a courthouse and the Clerk is an elected official. I think I forgot to mention I work across from the probate division which now consists of two people. All they do is complain and I'm tired of hearing that, too. It's bad for my morale as I'm a very impressionable person. I realize their jobs are difficult, but so is mine. Also if he says no, I plan to keep doing what I did Friday. When it got loud, I got up from my desk and left the scene. I imagine I had my lunch hour plus another lunch because I made it a point to disappear for ten minutes every hour. If I have my earbuds, everyone is happy. I typed a two-page letter of notes, let my boss review it, and then showed my mother. Ma recommended I keep my health out of it, but I'm not sure I agree.

I'm glad you did all right with your surgeries and aren't going through what I am. I just want to be the beast I used to be. Most things were not too heavy for me and now I struggle with a gallon of milk.

I want the trip. I NEED the trip. I DESERVE the trip. If memory serves, I've never said I deserve anything. However, we're five months out and I try and muster how I can handle five days. Last week was awful and I didn't even work last Monday. Can I stand waiting until October? If I receive my earbuds back, I probably can.

I suppose a list would not be a bad idea. I cannot think of many positives in regard to remaining with my employer. If I can make it to August 2017, I can become vested with the state... whatever that means. As I already stated, the top position is not guaranteed, as you have to be elected. All other advancements come from within, but I see little reward from being promoted as well. I see what my supervisor, whom is a sweetheart, goes through. I do not have the right temperament for those positions. With school, I need to learn what there is a need for. I couldn't bear taking all this schooling for it to not pay off again. I'm $21K in debt for undergrad. Yay private colleges...

I looked up a walking regimen online which will have me walking for an hour at a time in twelve weeks. All the stretching they recommend prior to walking shocked me. I'm not sure I can physically do what they're asking. As some of you may know, I was walking 2 miles a day for a couple of weeks and then my body betrayed me. Then I just kind of stopped.

Megan, I'm shocked, too. I am absolutely miserable there. If this one woman whom I like personally is going to be there, I know it's going to be a long day. She is the big problem. It's called an inside voice and I don't think she has one. I'm going to go to the big boss and probably just give him an ultimatum; either I get my ear buds back or I confront everyone I have an issue with since he and his underlings won't and alienate myself from the entire office which wouldn't be a far cry from where I am now. Why is it when certain ones complain, things get changed? My complaints are constructive ones and are ignored. I guess I will ask him where HR is and inform him this isn't over when he says no again. I know I'm replaceable, but it would be tough to replace me because my job takes a ton of training and I know they aren't equipped for that. My sweet supervisor can't even handle my job.

Yoga seems like a good idea. Right now, I'm afraid to live, but not afraid of dying. I don't want the discomfort that comes with my lifting things that aren't too heavy. I already have the inguinal hernia, so I feel trapped.

A classroom setting might be best for me. Maybe I can meet some people that way. I wonder where a good place to start is. I just need information.

YES!!!!!!!!! You have been thru enough. Please talk to the boss on Monday, and just see what he says. If the answer is no, I would still talk to the doctor. I know my shrink said he would write a letter for me for anything I needed disability wise, so I think your mom is wrong, sorry no offense to your mom. :) Of course you don't have your doctor write a letter stating you need earphones at work, it needs to be more specific such as you have an anxiety disorder and the use of earbuds helps you concentrate better at work, or something like that. :)

I don't remember if you are in therapy or not? I'm thinking your not at this time, otherwise you can always as your therapist to write a letter too. I hope it all goes good when you talk to the boss, don't forget to update us on what he says.

The finger has never been pointed at me. The ear buds were taken from everyone. However, I feel I'm the one that caused it because I co-worker (one that used ear buds) told me I wasn't as discreet as others. I had them in when I was on the phone, when customers were in front of me, and just when I was walking through the office. Now, I realize that was wrong, but I should have been given a chance to correct it. I felt the need to share this because I'm not an innocent angel in all this.

I think I see my PCP this week and maybe the psychologist next week. Perhaps I can get two letters. The white noise is imperative. When I was on the phone, it was white noise. Not once do I recall the music distracting me so I couldn't help a customer.

Unless I'm really, really tired, I usually need a fan or something to help me sleep, too.

Perhaps another thing I can say could revolve around the old saying, "Whistle while you work." My ear buds whistle for me to make work a more pleasant experience.

I'm going the doctor route for now.

Actually, I'm about to talk to the doc now.

The big boss is an idiot, so I may just force him. He wasn't man enough to talk to me about it, so fine.

Scaredy,

That would be great. Based on the office demographics, that would really annoy some people. :D