Posted 6/29/2015 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
6.28.15continued
Well, on my way into town, I realize I had left my medicine at my buddy's house. I should have been able to foresee the anxiety I was going to feel, but didn't. After my uncle's, I made it to the cemetery to see my dad. My uncle says he doesn't go much because it makes him sad even though he is literally a two-minute drive away. He says he has his moments of sadness, but does not allow himself to stay there. I forgot to mention after my buddy and I had Stromboli, he took me out to the cemetery. He stood while I sat on my father's grave. I cried a bit and then the skies opened up, so we had to rush back to his truck. Anyway, back to Sunday. I got back out there and had flowers for three of my grandparents that are buried in the same spot in addition to having flowers for Pop. I probably stayed out there for an hour or so and I cried and cried and cried. I'm unsure what I said, but I talked to him some between my tears. Before leaving, I had to figure out which flowers went where which resulted in another painful phone conversation with Ma. Have I mentioned I have a strong distaste for phone conversations in general, but especially with her? I was eventually on my way after getting that straight. I then went to the other cemetery in town. It isn't quite as popular as the one Pop is at, but I decided I like it better. See, at Pop's site, there are neighborhoods around and cars passing nearby. It just isn't as peaceful. I then put flowers on the graves of my mom's grandparents whom I never met and her uncles, whom I also never met. I never met her father, either. He took his own life around 1969. I held some resentment toward him for a while, but later learned he might have been terminally ill. Another legend states his mother drove him crazy and drove him to do it. Since my mom is an only child, I am not too close with that side of the family. I then went to see my great aunt whom is my late grandfather's sister. She is 87 years old, but you wouldn't know it. I didn't catch her this time, but I did find someone's ID in her driveway which was strange. I think it was around this time my anxiety was beating down the doors of my insides and I was really, really feeling it. On my way away from my aunt's, I got a call from my best friend. Seeing him is a little tougher since he has a child. The aforementioned BUDDY has no children or attachments. I walked over to the police station (lobby was closed), so I chuckled to myself. There was a festival going on that happens every summer that I used to spend a lot of time at in the nineties, but this time it was super lame. I found it comical I didn't even see anyone I didn't like because I didn't know anybody! While on the phone with my best friend, I finally ran into someone I knew and talked to her for a few minutes. She is one of the most beautiful people inside and out that I have ever met, so that was a joy. We caught up for a few minutes and she had to go, so I called the best friend back. His car was parked about 45 minutes away at one of his work locations, so I volunteered to take him so I could spend some time with him. I told him I had plans (to play hockey with my buddy; best friend and buddy don't get along) and he didn't want me to cancel, but it was no problem. I was BADLY in need of a Xanax at this point. When I finally saw the BFF, I apologized if I seemed a bit off because I needed my medication and it was father's day. He understood and initially didn't want to say anything about father's day because he knew I had been through the ringer already. Before we went to get his car, we went into a store to get something for a canker sore I had attained at some point. Those are BRUTAL. lol. It's June 28 now and it's finally starting to go into remission. More about that later. Then we went and got his car. I declined his dinner invitation because I still needed the Xanax. I got in a few more games of hockey with my buddy and we called it a night as he had to be up early for work the next day.
Now we're at June 22. Most Mondays suck, but this one was a little better since I wasn't in hen h3ll for a change. My buddy let me sleep and went to work, so I rounded up my stuff and headed for a restaurant the lady at the funeral home likes to eat at. Since she met me on Saturday, I wanted to show my appreciation, so I got her a gift card to that restaurant. I took the gift card by the funeral home, but she wasn't in yet, so I gave it to another lady I knew to give it to her. This lady is like a second cousin I think and ironically is the mother of the girl I saw at the festival that had grown lame. She insisted on taking a selfie with me which was nice. I figure most people don't want to be seen with me, so it was very thoughtful... moreso than she knows. I bid her adieu and met the BFF for a few minutes. He ended up bringing his kid with him which I wasn't crazy about, but it is what it is. He and I went to see my great aunt that I had tried to visit the day prior. We stayed there for 30 minutes and she is as spry as she ever has been. I think she's healthier than me. Her knee replacement(s) went well, so thank God for that. She tried to get mad at me for not visiting longer, but I told her I TRIED to stop by the day prior. She had been vacuuming and didn't hear me. The BFF had errands to run, so he dropped me off at a Mexican restaurant I love to meet my aunt and godmother. To my surprise, my godfather was there, too, even on short-notice. I loved seeing all them. To make the occasion even more special, I had a gift for my aunt. I had told her I was going to send her a birthday card, but I actually had a picture for her. It was of Pop, her brother, holding her first grandson. Seeing that picture is a little difficult for me because I see how happy he was. Reason it is tough is because he deserved grandchildren and I couldn't cut the mustard. My aunt teared up, then my godmother. It was sweet. We spent most of the time talking about me and my troubles which kind of got me upset, but I got through. My godfather said, "I'm going to be your father here. Get another job before you quit this one." Ma says the same thing and Pop would have, too. The service at the restaurant stunk, but the food was still good. My godfather kindly picked up the bill. My aunt drove me to my car by the funeral home and then I went to my uncle's really fast because I told him I would try to visit again, but I was running out of time. We both agreed Joe Buck stinks (I thought calling golf would be natural for him since he is monotone and lacks talent, but guess not), so I headed to the cemetery to see Pop one more time. The groundskeepers were mowing, so everything looked nice. I made sure his bouquet of flowers was positioned correctly and kind of just went on my way. I had sat on his grave he day prior and felt something poke me in the butt cheek like a sticker bush. I said, "Pop, is this your way of telling me not to sit on ya?" lol. I had mentioned 10+ days ago that I was planning to meet with my buddy's mom (hockey buddy), the clerk, down her way. I spoke with her and she is just as gorgeous as ever. Hey, I'm a guy. lol. She took more time than I expected. I told her everything that is going on with little man and she said she doesn't really know him. Bottom line, she said if any of her girls had a problem, she would want them to come to her. And you know, the whole time I sat there, I didn't hear a peep in that entire office. It was heavenly. I told her she must be good because I haven't seen a job posting in her court in three years. She did say she had several retire a few years ago, but the turnover doesn't appear to be too great. The deputy clerk position is predominantly female, so at times I feel emasculated. I hate to revert to being a caveman, but I need to get out. Her husband's birthday was that day, so she had to go. Then I went to my mom's first boss' house nearby this particular courthouse and was happy to see him and his wife. If you're on my FB, you'll see the picture. He's 85, but you wouldn't know it... kind of like my great aunt. Their land is beautiful. I jokingly told mom later his vast property is why she was underpaid. We talked about me a lot and we decided doing what I'm doing isn't for me. I had spoken to his wife earlier so I could get the address, and she thinks I should be on the radio. I think that would be fun! It doesn't pay much I hear, but I think I'd be happier. Then I got on the road, depression hit per usual, and I made it 'home'. Coming back here kills me a little each time.
...to be continued.