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Posted 7/20/2015 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry I said I was healing but I guess I am not. And you know what?! I'm not even going to try to move on anymore. My feelings have not changed a bit. I have moments when I think I have regained strength but it's temporary. And, I don't think I will ever forget or hate him because he never did anything that made me hate him. It's ridiculous. It's stupid to force yourself to stop thinking about someone that has affected you so much. And I feel like an idiot putting a fake smile on my face and acting like I am ok when I'm not. That is NOT who I am. I don't live like this. I don't pretend to be happy when I am not.
So where do I go from here? I DON'T KNOW! This is crazy. Please don't tell me to stay busy because I AM busy everyday and I still think about him all day long wherever I am, whatever I am doing!

I'm so angry right now.
Posted 7/20/2015 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds to me like you are in stage 2 of your grieving process. Anger.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining - which can also be part of step 1, because you keep
thinking of ways it could have worked out.
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but you will get through it, and we are all here for you.
Posted 7/20/2015 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Jake's Mom. I was really angry when I posted it but when I read your reply it made me smile for some reason. Thank you for making my day this is the first time I smiled today.
I love how you listed the stages of the grieving process. I actually already did #3. lol. I may just skip #4 and jump to #5 or maybe I already finished #4 because I was very depressed last week. Wow, it makes me feel much better to know the process. Really appreciate your reply. Thank you!
Posted 7/21/2015 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Melodee,

Even though it probably feels like it has been forever that you've been going through this...

...it's actually been a relatively short time when it comes to a broken heart. You just need time.

It's good your not faking it. Feel all the feels as they say.

Thoughts and prayers,

S.C.
Posted 7/21/2015 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
It's not a broken heart. I already mentioned that it wasn't an official break up. Things abruptly ended because of his profession.. I didn't even get to talk to him.
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