Therapy

I know people have different takes on therapy, but it is something I am really trying to do, unfortunately because I have such severe anxiety issues it is to the point that my Psychiatrist believes one of the only ways I maybe able to do better is by going to therapy, being the medication is only helping some what.

I know they say during therapy you can get worse before you get better, its like picking at a wound that isn't healed, but when I came home this Friday from therapy I literally sat down on my bed and cried. I cried throughout the night, with no specific thought in mind, just sadness.

I don't know that this is normal at all, I am seemingly having a tougher time facing my responsibilities and feel very lost.

Has anyone experienced this with therapy at first and if so did it get better.

I seem to ramble a lot during therapy, it is very weird my therapist will ask me a question, a very simple question I will have this long response then I have to ask her "did I even answer your question, and what was the question".....it's as if I lose my train of thought and just start babbling about so many things at one time, I am not sure why.

Thank you Scaredy cat, I have to say this is really bad, I can't even explain to anyone how I am feeling right now, I feel so very lost, my therapist gave me her personal cell phone number if I continue feeling this bad I will have to call her and see what she thinks I should do.

I went from a fully functioning person a few months back, even though I had a lot of anxiety and depression, I could do things, now I can barely do my dishes, I stay in bed most of the day and it is so bad I can't even walk down to my mailbox, I had to force myself to walk down there this morning at like 6:00 am so no one could see me, because they will stop my mail if I leave it for too long, and my box was full.

I just don't know how much more my mind can handle, I just don't know

I think the symptoms came on so gradually that before I knew it, I was deep in despair. I started a medication called proprononlol to help with my anxiety, but after 6 weeks I had a severe allergic reaction and had to quit taking it, after taking a cocktail of steroids, pepcid and benadryl the allergic reaction went away, but my Psychiatrist said I can never take that medication again, so he gave me a new beta blocker to try, but because my body works in such a strange way I have to take it with benadryl....just in case. It seems like as soon as I had to quit this medication I started feeling hopeless again, maybe because it seemed like I finally found something that eased the symptoms of anxiety(like the shaky, sweaty feelings, and I could go out more and didn't seem to worry so much)

I haven't even been able to start the new medication because in the mean time I got a UTI and can't mix medications just in case I have an allergic reaction I won't know which I am allergic to. So I think in some ways because my body is very resistant to medications this is discouraging for me.

I am on the same dose of Zoloft I have been on since the beginning of the year, my Psychiatrist did not want to increase it, he had thought about introducing a mood stabilizer but is scared to do so right now because my body is not normal(not his words mine)

My Psychiatrist said in all the time he has prescribed propranolol not one person had an adverse reaction, so he is kind of in a bad place with knowing what he can give me, as he explained even though propranolol does not have sulpha in it(which I am highly allergic to)a molecular structure in the medication could mimic sulpha and my body is mistaking it for sulpha(that is my layman terms).

I see my therapist again on Tuesday, I am going to try to write down these feelings I am having, so when I do go in to speak with her I don't lose my train of thought. My therapist did say I have so many traumatic events that have happened and I have suppressed them for so long that it can be tough. I am just thinking if medication doesn't work, and we are not sure about therapy...that I have no other options.

I appreciate you taking the time to speak to me, I have a hard time reaching out to anyone because I don't want to bother them, or I feel they just won't understand, or they will think I am crazy. So again thank you, sometimes just knowing someone is listening or can relate in anyway can be helpful.