Posted 10/4/2015 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone, hope you are all doing your best!!
So my anxiety has been pretty darn good the past week, I even went out with my parents all day Friday and Saturday. By the end of Saturday though I was really feeling it. My heart was beating faster than normal and a couple of palps slipped through my beta blocker but I was like I have done a lot so whatever just get some sleep and life will be good in the morning.
Not so good. I went to bed at like 10ish and I woke up at 2am with my heart racing and feeling like I hadn't been sleeping the past four hours. I know I had some weird kind of messed up/disturbing dreams... maybe this is why I woke up with heart racing?? Anxiety?? I went back to bed at like 330 but then it happened again at like 530, went to bed at 6 and then woke up at 9ish feeling really horrible, heart still racing along. I don't know the exact heart rate but roughly in the 90-120 area I am guessing based on how I felt. No palps just this racing which I really am not feeling but when I feel my pulse it is noticeable. So to make a long story shorter. I took my beta blocker this morning like I usually do and it seems to keep my rate relatively normal when I am laying down but not when I am sitting or walking. I am extremely anxious today as well. Tingling all over my scalp, lightheaded a bit, nausea, horrible fatigue, racing heart, shaking my legs, tapping my arms, slight headache, muscles sore from being tense.
The doctors say I have fibromyalgia so that could be playing in with the weather and all but I think I just overdid myself maybe and that has triggered this stuff. I don't have any chest discomfort (thank god) or shortness of breath (unless I forget to breath which I am doing to myself and then I catch myself) or anything so I know it isn't my heart plus I have had all the standard heart tests some of them more recent and numerous than others (EKGs, ultrasound, etc) but this little niggling thought is always in my mind saying something is wrong with your heart blah blah blah. Like I managed to be out and about 2 whole days and normally I cannot leave the house without having an anxiety or panic attack so I was feeling pretty good and then BAM!! It is back when I already feel my worst due to the fibro and over doing it. I think I am coping fairly well with the anxiety today but I haven't really gotten out of bed or anything because I am afraid to tax my heart anymore. I just had a shower though and I was totally tense and freaking out, normally that is where I relax the most and enjoy the hot water but nope not today. I know a lot of you are feeling much worse than me but to me right now I think I feel worse than anybody else ever could. UGH!!!
Sorry guys, I don't post often but when I do it is a big long rant about nothing but it helps release the tension and keeps my fingers busy. If I don't keep my fingers busy than I tend to squeeze and rub my hands together to the point of bruising myself, not fun. I know I can vent here without judgement or whatnot so thanks again for listening if you made it this far!!
So now hopefully I can get some solid sleep tonight, I hope that doesn't happen again because that has never happened before... I have had problems falling asleep before and jerking awake, that has seemed to have ebbed away but now this... I just want some quality sleep. No I am not on meds except the beta blocker and plaquenil. I tried cipralex and if you guys read my post on that...not pretty and won't be going near meds for a little while.
So thanks again for listening sorry it is an insanely long rant that doesn't seem to end. Typing seems to be calming my nerves... Maybe I need to start a journal or something, but I don't see a purpose, I know it works for a lot of people but I don't know.
No need to comment, I just needed a vent.