xanax fear/guilt

hi all-
i am new to the site...i have suffered with anxiety and depression and obsessive thoughts for ohhh about 35 years now, the latest flareup accompanied a very difficult viral illness (mononucleosis at age 40) i contracted this past spring and am still recovering from...

ive also been suffering from near constant daily headaches since the end of june..probably stress related as ive had sinus ct and brain mri and both were clean, saw neurologist and been taking 300 mg gabapentin daily which has helped with the headaches

soo that out of the way..in may i was prescribed .25 mg xanax and twice daily as needed for severe anxiety from my illness (before i was diagnosed with mono i had lost close to 20 pounds in a month, night sweats, not sleeping at all for a week, seriously thought i had a terminal illness)...i took these twice daily for a few weeks..then down to once daily for a couple more weeks, in mid-late july i stopped entirely for about a month but still struggled big time with anxiety and depression (im also taking 75 mg effexor)

in late august i began taking twice daily again to help with my headaches and anxiety, did this for about two weeks and now i am taking once daily at about lunchtime..since ive been taking the med again i feel alot better, i feel like i enjoy life more, am a better husband and father, a kinder person and better employee, my wife says i am like my old self again (a good thing)...i have 2 small kids a demanding job and am still recovering from the mono and the headaches and i feel like this med helps me deal with all of that...i dont feel drunk or high or sedated when i take it, i just feel like a normal human being

sounds great but the problem is well its rep as a "devil drug" and i feel a strong sense of guilt and fear about taking this med daily..i know if you talk to 100 different doctors you will get 100 different answers on this drug and whether its ok to take it every day..i guess im just very very confused on this..i see my psych doc again on the 20th and will definitely discuss with him....does anybody else deal with this darned if you do darned if you dont feeling with xanax? thanks

thanks s.c.
yes i am also in therapy have been weekly for 5 months..ive made pretty good strides from where i was when i started but i would not say i am back at my baseline yet where i feel comfortable

my therapist says i should not feel bad about taking the xanax and that my worrying about taking it is a obsessive thought of which i have struggled with many throughout my life..

my discussion with her was that i prefer to take it daily as a prophylactic rather than as needed as a rescue med... i feel like having it prescribed to me as needed leaves me agonizing and obsessing all day as to whether i should take it or not, whereas if i just take it at a set time every day and go about my day that removes that paralyzing internal debate

having to rely on a med to help me thru the day doesnt feel good to me, but being a nervous wreck feels worse..im sure there is a middle ground somewhere and i hope i can find it

m.d.,

I have no doubt you will find that middle ground...as well as a great recovery! :)

You are doing a fantastic job of pursuing your wellness...and also making good decisions for yourself in order to feel your best.

Be encouraged!...

...and keep posting with us if you find it helpful...support is key!

S.C.

I too have (had!), Xanax guilt for years. I'm 44 & was first prescribed it when I was 22 (1993) & had my first accute bout of anxiety & depression in college.

I took Prozac for 6 months (helped greatly) & I took Xanax very sparingly during the accute phase (2-3 weeks?), bc I was afraid of "drugs."

Fast forward to 2008. I had my 2nd accute bout of anxiety & depression. I tried Prozac again but didn't work (it was generic by 2008. That may have contributed to efficacy). Anyway, also given Xanax & once again, used sparingly bc I had old beliefs still then that it was to be used ONLY in case of emergency. Boy I wish I'd utilized then bc I suffered too much, a lot bc I was still afraid to take the Xanax. After months of suffering, I was put on Cymbalta and it worked real nice within a week or so. I know if I'd used the Xanax as prescribed then, I'd have suffered a lot less. I let my judgements of it get in my way only to suffer!

No issues from 2008 until 2013 when I was having breakthrough anxiety/obsessive health worrying. (Honest to God, still had Xanax from 2008 w/me that had turned to powder lol). I decided to see Psychiatrist. Taken off Cymbalta & put on Zoloft. That was a fail & thus started my hardest bout of anxiety/depression (there were some major outside factors that definitely contributed).

Xanax prescribed plus Gabapentin during my Antidepressant merry go round to find the right one/combo.

The Psych & Psych NP sort of implored I utilize the Xanax as prescribed (2x's daily. .25mg). I thought "omg no, I'll be a drug zombie & be addicted." The Dr said "people forget that this medication is actually useful & HEALING, bc it gives our brains s break from the chaos. Calms it down, which gives it a better environment to heal!" Plus, I don't have addiction issues so he said as long as it's taken as prescribed, erase that worry.

Looking back, I WISHED I'd have utilized it in 2013 & maybe I could have prevented the 2014 chaos w/the medicine merry-go-round. Maybe not, but my point is, do not be afraid or ashamed to utilize the Xanax as prescribed. It gives your brain a chance to chill which promotes healing. I took 1-2 daily for months.

I now use PRN. I still have the slight hesitation on occasion when I take one but have mostly dropped my stigma and take. I've never regretted it bc EVERY time it helps my anxiety & I can get on with things. The more I get on with life keeping intrusive anxiety at bay, the better I stay on the healing path. (Of course in combination with therapy, self help with reframing and challenging negative thoughts, praying, helping others, yoga, etc).

Sorry for the novel, I don't write short posts LOL & I like when ppl give their background so I do with new members.

Too long didn't read version: Take it as prescribed by your Dr., when you need it! It is part of your healing/Maintainence & doesn't mean you'll abuse it or become addicted & it certainly doesn't mean you're weak. That's your ego talking! It's simply one of many helpful tools.

Happy healing!

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough time with everything. I, too, am on Gabapentin, 300mg — twice a day. The reason I'm on it is to help with my anxiety and mild depression! I am also on Zoloft, so I believe it is a combination of the two meds working together.

I wonder (if you get to a point where you don't want to continue on the Xanax) if taking 600mg Gabapentin daily would work for you to manage your anxiety. It definitely works for me! If I don't take it for a few days, my anxiety starts creeping back. BTW I don't recommend doing that. :)

-Cat

Oh good, that would be a great solution. 100mg at a time is the tiniest dose (as you know) so I think going up and seeing how it affects your anxiety would be a great idea. Your neurologist may say there are no withdrawal effects from Gabapentin but she would be wrong. Gabapentin withdrawal is similar to benzo withdrawal. Most doctors don't know about that since most of their patients go on it for life (i.e. chronic pain). My dad is a neurologist and he didn't think there were any withdrawal symptoms!

I was a daily Xanax user for several months (.5 mg 3x daily). When my anxiety started to simmer down, I stared to cut down on the Xanax. I was off with two months with no problems. Only use PRN now.

Have you thought about increasing your Effexor? Seems like 75 mg is on the low end.

yes to clarify the .25 mg of xanax i have been taking daily is not for my headaches and does not help my headaches..it does help me deal with the anxiety that being in pain for most of every day causes..the gabapentin is helping reduce that pain level and since ive started it i have been able to reduce from .5mg xanax per day to .25 and havent felt urge to take more

they are similar but not the same

Thank you bluest. I have been given it for anxiety. Do you happen to know how they differ?

Canada, they differ like Xanax and Ativan differ. They are prescribed for the same thing but their chemical makeup is slightly different. You can probably look it up and find a more scientific answer than I can provide!