Posted 10/30/2015 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
First of all, thank you to everyone who takes the time out to read my posts,
even though lately its just me venting, or letting out my thoughts.
My stomach started bothering me about... 4 days ago or so.
I have GERD, i'm awaiting an Endoscopy on November 13th.
I ate spicy food, stupid thing, I know.
since my stomach started bothering me, my chest has this weird feeling...
I feel like my heart is beating weird, but when I check my pulse, it's beating pretty regular, considering my anxiety has been 24/7 nonstop, even in the middle of the night.
I wake up so often.. whether its the feeling waking me up, or me waking up because i'm worried about my heart, I don't know..
I've had my cardiologist tell me My heart is ok, I've had an echocardiogram. and i'm pretty sure an ultrasound of my heart would tell us if anything was wrong.
my holter monitor was fine the entire time, no tachycardia, no bradycardia. normal the entire time.
I finally go to get my event monitor today, 6 weeks AFTER I was suppose to!
I literally just sat in the bathroom for 20 minutes repeating
"you've had this feeling before, did it take a week or more to go away? yes, but it went away! your cardiologist said your heart is fine, you've been through this before, you'll get through it again. you have to, you cant let this bring you down anymore than it already has, you've got your endoscopy in 2 weeks, you'll figure more out then and deal with that also."
I want to believe it, I really do..
I feel like a bad mother, I don't neglect my kids, but I feel like sometimes my panic attacks take my full 100% attention away from them. i'm only at 95%, and I feel so horrible for that..
Before 7 months ago, I felt so normal!
and now.. half of the time, I don't even know how I feel..
I've been lucky to not be depressed over it, yet.. but I feel like i'm slowly getting to that point.
Texted my husband this morning, and told him i'm hopeless, i'll never get better...
I started taking 20mg Cymbalta again yesterday, after it taking my pharmacy 5 days to refill it!
I stepped down from 30mg, since it seemed to be bothering me,
and the 20mg was working well enough,
not as many panic attacks, and when my stomach bothered me, I kind of blew it off.
anyway,
again, thank you to everyone of you, I seriously don't know what id do without this forum,
my family supports me and for that, im grateful, I've got 2 friends, both have anxiety, but not health anxiety, so I can talk to them, but cant at the same time.