Posted 11/6/2015 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,
Over a month ago I posted and I was doing very poorly. I was stuck in a very bad panic cycle and everything felt just utterly awful physically and mentally. I had just begun seeing a new psych and since then, I feel progress has been made. I am only on Ativan 1mg 2x a day. I cannot take any SSRI's due to bad reactions in the past, so we are treating panic attacks as they come and working on accepting and managing my anxiety. I had a full physically and was reassured that my blood work looked very good.
I had an overall successful month. I was able to actually feel joy and not feel constant fear, panic, and anxiety ...and enjoy some fall fun with my family. It has been very gradual, but I am determined to not beat myself up and acknowledge my success, no matter how small :)
The past few days have been hard, however. In August, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage, which was physically and emotionally devastating. I know that it is a very personal subject, but I have learned through therapy, I was keeping it to myself and it manifested into more and more anxiety. I felt almost shameful and embarrassed that I had lost a baby, felt like my stress and inability to control it may have caused it. I now understand I am not responsible, and I know I;m not alone in dealing with such a tragedy.
Physically, I am still dealing with complications from it and it has been very stressful to my panic and anxiety management and coping methods..I have had pain and several urine tests, all positive for white blood cells. Antibiotics haven't made a difference. So, Tuesday, I'm going back to my doctor for an ultrasound and exam to see what is going on. I'm very nervous, sleep has been very hard. my anxiety is just through the roof. I feel so drowsy from feeling so high strung..I feel as if I could fall asleep sitting up. my health anxiety is taking over, and since I know there could be a problem, I have already set it in my mind, that it is something devastating.
I was making progress and now I feel kind of down on myself for letting this health anxiety get to me. Although, there is a real chance I may have a medical problem is very real this time and not just a worry. So, I can't figure out how to cope with this situation. Tuesday feels years away. Telling myself it's just anxiety or panic isn't working because deep down inside, I know the possibility is very real for me this time.
I feel like my coping methods aren't working and helping me through this, although I was doing so well until a few days ago.. It's just very hard..and maybe I'm just looking for some reassurance that I will get through this, bad news or not. I'll get through it.