Health Anxiety taking over

haven't been on here in awhile because my anxiety has been manageable till now but im going through a rough spot again. I turned 40 in sept and this has been weighing on me. How now I feel like Im at that age where things can start happening. and of course they are. my periods have started to become a little strange - spotting mid cycle and heavier bleeding with more cramps during my period. then fri night I had sex with my husband and had ALOT of bleeding after with bad cramping the next day. went to dr who saw a blood vessel that had a scrape on it. I have to have a colposcopy jan 4th to remove it. in the meantime im waiting on my pap results. of course I google everything - so I googled blood vessel and cervix and EVERYTHING that came up was about Cancer. I then had the worst panic attack ive had in years. Hysterical crying, hyperventilating, shaking, that whole works. I took a half of Xanax which is now knocking me out and I talked ot my dr again who stated that he didn't see anything that wuld make him think cancer and that he has seen other cases of women with blood vessesls that have broken open during sex and they were not cancer. so that made me feel better. but all this just made me realize how much im not going to be able to handle getting older. I have other issius too that I worry about and haven't gone to the dr for. anyway if anyone wants to chat it would be much appreciated. going to nap now because im getting pretty out of it from the Xanax.

thank you for your response. I like your quotes - they are so true - yet I wish I had the strength. Today my whole day was ruined. I had a horrible morning filled with crying and then I took a Xanax and then I slept on the couch for hours while my little girl watched TV. I swore years ago I wouldn't let them see me this way. but with this real health concern I cant control my anxiety. I don't understand why I am like this. how come other people don't worry about death and illness all the time? and I have all these other issues that I am convinced are something more serious. that they all go together Being tired, pain in my left hip, bloating, very bad gas. oh and I take a very low dose of prednisone daily for chronic uricartia and then I saw how that causes people to be immunosuppressed and can cause cancer. I just cant seem to get myself under control. I have 2 kids - 8 and 4 and I am just so afraid of leaving them. the only thing that does help is talking to others so if you can talk to me more that would be great - or if anyone wants too. I try to talk to my friends and family but they don't understand. and all I keep thinking about is how bad my anxiety is now when I don't even know anything yet - I cant even imagine what I would be like if I was diagnosed with something bad. I couldn't take it.

that's what a lot of people have been telling me too. that it could be perimenopause? How old are you? Have you gone through menopause yet? Its just I had been getting nervous with the spotting I was getting before my period and then when the cramps were getting worse esp this last month really had been worried. so even though the blood after sex ended up coming from my cervix im still having pains in my abdomen. on either side. almost like in my ovaries. and my stomach just feels so bloated. I was really worried about ovarian cancer first and now im worried about both. I almost feeling like this trembling and shaking inside my abdomen too. idk. im trying hard to think about other things. but I put my kids to bed and soon as I did I just lost it. thinking about them growing up without their mother. I don't know how to pretend to be okay around them either. im trying so hard. I went o tmy sons basketball practice tonight and all I could think about was the pain in my abdomen and my hands feeling weak and my legs hurting and my throats sore and how it all must be related and even though I know it sounds ridiculous I just cant calm my thoughts.

He told me to call him on Monday even though he said it wouldn't be a week yet so it would probably still be too soon. I know that my dr was very reassuring but then I think how he didn't look at my ovaries or uterus and he doesn't know whats goin on in there. what kind of issues are you having with perimenopause?

I have not had a chance to look through it yet

Oh...and do call on Monday...the labs could be on the quick side...hopefully! ;)