Intro, q's about benzos & forum

Hi! This is my first post. I'm trying to find a place to discuss and find support around anxiety and depression (I have both, lucky me!).

Backstory: I've had anxiety since my teens (in my early 40's now). In my teens/early 20's, it was panic disorder, but I have a phobia about being intoxicated and absolutely refused drugs. The panic turned into a mild agoraphobia. So I read every possible thing I could on how to "get over it". I finally managed to get the panic attacks to stop by doing the exact things that scared me, sort of a DIY exposure therapy. Now I just have generalized anxiety disorder. My depression is secondary. I get so upset about the anxiety that I just slip into the tears and grief.

Over the summer, I had a severe anxious and depressive episode following a surgery. Woke up from the anesthesia w a 140bpm heart rate, full anxiety attack...while I was still sedated. Honestly, I didn't even know that was possible. Wound up in an outpatient program for 2 weeks and once I stopped sleeping and eating all together, I finally listened to the psychiatrist and started on Klonopin (1mg a day), Zoloft as well (I'd taken the ssri on and off over the past 15 years), the benzo was new to me tho. And I have to say, I'm beyond grateful for the psychiatrist for being straight up with me and saying, at that point, the benzo was necessary and no longer just an "option", each night without sleep, further down the rabbit hole I fell. My "recovery" from the episode really wouldn't have gotten very far without it.

So now, 6 months later, I'm trying to get off the benzo. I weaned down to .75 mg, then down to .5. Once I get lower than .5, the tension comes back (in the form of chest pains) and it's not too long before the anxiety follows...then I get angry that I'm not "over it" yet after all the work I've done (therapy, reading, meditation, mindfulness, medication, what else is there??). And that leads right back to the weepiness and feelings of being defeated.

So...my question is, has anyone successfully weaned themselves off a benzo? Is the returning massive anxiety just a side effect of withdrawl? Is it something I'll just have to deal with that will lessen after a few days?

Also, if anyone wants to offer advice on the "culture" of the board, do's and don'ts, etc, I'd love the hear them.

Oh, one last thing, my anxiety has been based around different things in the past that I've worked through in therapy. Current, my anxiety is about having anxiety and having another "breakdown". In general, I'm "high functioning" and try not to let the anxiety get in the way of living my life, but sometimes, I just crumble.

Any shared experience would be really appreciated.

Thanks!

Post Edited (Accept) : 1/2/2016 6:46:32 PM (GMT-7)

Scaredy Cat said...
Hello Accept and welcome!
I do think that you may have a temporary time of returning symptoms...but this may be more mental than physical...as getting down past the lowest dose in discontinuation is notoriously the hardest stage.

What kinds of coping skills do you find to be the most helpful? Be sure and draw upon your tools as you go through this transition. t

>>

Thanks SC :) I hadn't heard that getting below .5 is known to be rough, so that gives me hope. If I know it's temporary, I can barrel through, but my anxious mind likes to tell me that I'm going to go crazy and I should take the drugs STAT! For now I'll stay @ .5 and try to wean again when my schedule is back to normal. The holidays really threw me stress wise...like everyone else on the planet ;)

For coping skills, I do guided meditation almost daily (I use the insight timer app, it's free) and self care; exercise, hot baths with home made salt scrubs and "play". When I went through my rough patch, I was watching my daughter hula hooping in the front yard, I grabbed a hoop and we had a contest, I realized that it's really hard to be anxious or depressed when you're hula hooping Just before she went to bed, we we played Just Dance (she whooped my tail) and again, even though today has been really hard, you can't help but laugh when you're doing something so utterly ridiculous

Hi

Welcome to the forum you have had some great input from SC above.

I have weaned off a few benzo's over the years and it's not easy but doable you have to do it really slowly over a couple of weeks or in some case's months.

Benz's work really well at reducing your anxiety so it's normal to see an increase when you stop using them so you need to double up on all your coping skills you learnt during therapy and use them every day to her deal with the extra anxiety.

Keep us posted.

Hibee

Thanks Snoopy! That's great that you were able to stop cold turkey with no side effects. Everytime I decrease the dosage, I get a bit of a headache and anxiety. I know I'll be off of it soon, but I'm just so grateful for the relief it gave me when I needed it. I refused for 20 years and went through some really needless suffering. I totally agree that medication isn't the final answer, but do think it can be a vital part of recovery when combined w skills training and therapy.

NMP:

A benzo is a benzodiazapine: very specific antianxiety drugs, mostly ending in "pam":
Diazepam (Valium)
Alprazolam (Xanax)
Clonazepam (Klonopin)
Lorazepam (Ativan)

Unlike SSRI's, which dr's don't really understand why they work, benzo's work on a very specific brain receptor that (usually) shuts anxiety down quickly. BUT they are sedating and can be habit forming, nothing to take lightly. I refused for 20 years because I was terrified. Now I'm grateful for them.

I have come a long way to be honest. But again, I waged war against the anxiety over the summer, I went back on an SSRI, added a benzo, entered an outpatient program, went back to my thereapist (sometimes several days in a week...and she's not covered by my insurance...I was at the point that I would have mortgaged the house if it would mean I'd feel better), I went to see my regular dr weekly AND talked to a psychiatrist for the first time. I started meditation and focused on self care, doing things that made me feel good just for the sake of feeling good, like taking a hot bath, sitting on the front porch just so I had the sun on my face, listening to every podcast and reading every book I could find. I was just, done.

I'm certainly not cured, I still have set back, but the severity and duration is less intense and subsides quicker.

What are you doing to help yourself?