New to Depersonalization/Derealization and terrified

I am a senior in high school and aside from very occasional, light drinking I've been a pretty good kid to be completely honest. I had my head on my shoulders and was smart enough to not succumb to peer pressure and to trust my gut, which was usually right. We recently had a two week long holiday break and on December 30th I decided it would be a good idea to smoke ******** for the first time with a friend. Many of my friends had done it before and my mentality was "oh it won't hurt to try it once, it's not like it's anything hard like *substances* or whatever else" which before I continue, yes I realize how stereotypical that probably sounds. Anyways my friend is an avid user so I trusted him to take care of me if anything were to happen. After about 15 minutes I felt no effects of the smoking then all of the sudden everything started moving frame by frame, like a cheap PowerPoint slide transition. I can't recall many of the visuals from that night but mainly just audio/general experiences. I pretty much freaked out, laid down for a bit, ate some food, and everything was good (as in like I just felt what I thought it would be like to begin with) and I want to sleep. I woke up after only 3-4 hours of sleep and went home (around 9am), took a shower and slept from 1-5pm. That night at 7pm was my sister's 21st birthday and her friend and roommate organized a surprise dine r which I went to. The drive there was fine, I felt like my normal self, but the second I stepped out of my car and walked up to the doors of the restaurant it hit me again. The same spaced out, panicky, fatigue-esque feeling as when I smoked. Now at this time I didn't associate it with Depersonalization or anything, I thought it was just effects from smoking. The whole 2 hours I was there I was making frequent trips to the bathroom where I would lose track of time researching "marijuana lasting effects" and "laced weed trips" and stuff along those lines. I told everyone there I just was tired and had a headache but in reality all the stuff going on around me like noise, conversations, smells, movement, etc. we're driving me nuts. After leaving I sat in my car for a good 5 minutes just breathing and listening to low music to keep my head straight then I grindingly headed to a NYE party I had RSVP'd to. The whole night felt like a blur and I felt as if I was numb in a sense and not in control of anything and everything felt...unreal (duh) I supposed. It cleared up for a bit and kept coming and going in waves. I ended up going home after sleeping for about 2 hours where I then showered and crashed for a solid 6 or so hours. The feeling for the rest of that day came and went and I still assumed it was marijuana related (or maybe it being laced with PCP or something). Now it's January 4th, almost 5 days after and I have had irregular sleep patterns and immense feelings of depersonalization. It's usually good for about and hour after I wake up but then the waves start coming and by the time it's been 4 or 5 hours I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I haven't been out of my house since returning on New Years and I usually am doing something everyday. I can resonate with most of the symptoms of depersonalization and derealization and some more physical symptoms I have are minor headaches, eye straining/eye pressure and fatigue.

I was never diagnosed with depression or anxiety as I refused to go see a specialist although I have had symptoms of anxiety and depression for years. I have also had coming and going symptoms of insomnia since I can remember though so the sleep thing is not too weird. I also have a long history with migraines (which I've heard coincide with DP/DR on occasion).

Honestly I just want to k ow if there is a chance for me to feel normal again. I want to live my life and I actually started to be social and happy for once (I was always socially awkward and a downer as a kid). I want to be able to experience the world for everything it is but this is draining me and I have lost motivation to do anything. Please I just want reassurance, advice, help with how to cope, anything really. Help.

EDIT: Sorry for how long this is, I'm just really scared & a writer at heart

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 1/4/2016 9:20:07 PM (GMT-7)

Hi I INC and welcome.

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing currently. It is not unusual for anxiety/panic and their symptoms to be triggered by substance use. What you describe is fairly common actually. ..and alcohol, tobacco and even caffeine can be catalysts. Some of us are just sensitive to how our bodies react with certain stimulants/depressants, ect...

So to answer your question...yes, you can and will feel normal again....you'll just need to learn some tools for managing the anxiety.

In our Resources at the top of the main forum page, you'll find coping skills that help specifically with D/P and D/R...

...as well as other great links for general anxiety and panic management.

Take a look, give them a try and see how you do.

(let me know if you need help finding anything, and I can post direct links for you.)

If you find you need further help...then maybe it is time to consider seeking therapy for the issues that challenge you.

Post with us anytime as well for anxiety support. We understand and care.:)

Scaredy Cat

Sounds like you're having panic attacks...they are incredibly scary at first and have that depersonalization feel to them. They can also start at any time. Since you say you've had a history of anxiety/depression, perhaps that is what is going on.

I had panic attacks as a teenager and then again late in 2014. They can come out of the blue and hang around for a while. How's your sleeping overall (even before this event)? In my case a lack of sleep was exacerbating the attacks. I went on a sleep aid that made a huge difference and also an AD which has really made life better for me.