What will happen with the Ex
not getting back ever - 0.0% - 0 votes
possibility of reconcilliation - 0.0% - 0 votes
just friends - 0.0% - 0 votes
marriage - 0.0% - 0 votes
moving on seperatley - 100.0% - 2 votes
ddubNairb
New Member
Joined : Jan 2016
Posts : 2
Posted 1/21/2016 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
Bear with me its a long post. I dated this woman for 4 years off and on. I have anxiety that does creep in when under more stress. The usual ways I cope is either cover it up w food. Or I use nicotine as my drug of choice. I quit vaping/ smoking for her but relapsed in 2015. Now We have been off and on again 4 4 years with 3 times broken up and back together. She says that I am not treating her special and is mad because she says I have no stress. Im 37 she is 28. I love her dearly but ended the relationship last week because of a gift i got her was not that thoughtful but i thought it was special. but obviously it was not. I have not really worked on the root of my anxiety. I have tons of debt and am alone. Make matters worse I lost my job only after 2 months due to " Not a good fit" for a small family owned company. I never called off, i never was disrespectful , got nothing but good reviews. ITs tough because before then i was in a hostile work environment where i was discharged for privacy breach, but is was minor. I filed workmans comp for an accident i had with the previous employer last april. Now its Almost February last week I broke up w my girlfriend because She said I was a commitment phobe. I just told her I am not I am just trying to get my debt down before I go out and buy an engagement ring. I love her very much but I dont know what to do. God helps very much. Its just hard to get motivated after back to back losses like that in the same week. Just want to get things done get to the root of my issues so i can hoipefully meet somone else special in time. Sad part is , I still love my ex and i think its a mistake i broke it off with her. SHe says she already had 3 guys ready to date this week and told me that we will work on a friendship. She is divided on either letting me go or not. I dont know what to do about that, but I guess I have to focus on the tasks and what i can control
Posted 1/21/2016 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
Perhaps focusing on YOU would be a good idea. You said you haven't addressed the anxiety, maybe look into that. I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time.
medved
Veteran Member
Joined : Nov 2009
Posts : 1341
Posted 1/21/2016 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
That is tough -- two big things at the same time. You are entitled to be feeling pretty bad, so don't expect too much of yourself -- like "why is this dragging me down" -- it would drag pretty much everyone down. I think sometimes we make our situation worse by "being anxious about being anxious" - if you know what I mean.
But the end of what you wrote is really apt -- to focus on what you can control. For example, you can work on your resume, let your friends and contacts know you are looking for work, etc. That will help address one problem. And be open to the friendship with the ex. Who knows where that will lead, but it is good to have friends. And as much as you feel up to it, try to spend time with other people.
If the debt is a really big problem and you are in the US, you could talk with a bankruptcy lawyer. Sometimes it is easier than you might think to get rid of debt. And that might lift a burden off your shoulders.
Best wishes.
Scaredy Cat
Elite Member
Joined : Sep 2006
Posts : 28868
Posted 1/21/2016 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi DN,
I am really sorry to hear about your relationship issues and the job loss. These are both naturally going to challenge you and raise your anxiety. This is difficult, I know.:(
You sound like a very nice guy, who really tried to make it work with your girlfriend. Is it fair to guess that maybe your gf was a bit demanding? When our best is not good enough for our partners, it is often not our shortcoming...but their unrealistic expectations.
I don't know your situation of course...so this is just something to consider when reevaluating your relationship.
As far as anxiety management goes...what have you tried thus far if anything?
Many people find self help, therapy and possibly medication as the main options to consider.
We have a great Resource Guide at the top of the main forum page here with great material to get started on anytime.:) Practicing these coping skills daily will really make a difference!
If you need further help, talking with your doctor would be a wise step, so you can discuss therapy/medication.
Keep talking with us as well. We understand, care and support is key!
Talk soon,
Scaredy Cat
ddubNairb
New Member
Joined : Jan 2016
Posts : 2
Posted 1/21/2016 3:31 AM (GMT 0)
I have exercised, and I have done things to keep my hands busy. But I really havent addressed the issues. Maybe I dont have as much stress as others but It still affects me negatively. I Have been in a depression since October, and this made it even harder lol. But I guess Im getting interviews. Im doing the work. Im spending time each day to work on issues i wrote down that i have to get to the root of. Yet its tough because there is so much pain feeling past mistakes and actually getting through the root. Thoreau always said For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil. There is one striking at the root. So I guess since 21 not really dealing with it head on just medication has really not done anything. So I am just going to have solace in the fact that I CAN work on my own issues. But its so hard when you love somone so much , and its gone to work on the things. Yet I have to remind myself that if I DO work on the roots no matter what happens with my EX and for myself, I will in time be better and learn my lessons from the past. But not dwell and have old tapes playing in my head when im worn down with stress. Easy to say, but judge a tree by its fruits, my fruits are good yet words same thing, actions are what matter. Thanks for listening
medved
Veteran Member
Joined : Nov 2009
Posts : 1341
Posted 1/21/2016 4:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thoreau also wrote "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." I hope you (and all of us) can achieve that.