getting out of bed

I really think I am starting to get depressed.

Things are not going well for me at work, and I spend most of my waking hours thinking about it and worrying about it. I have been very successful at work for many years, and now it is falling apart for reasons that are mostly beyond my control. I am trying to address the issues in a practical way, though it is complicated and there's no easy solution. (It is odd for me because I have had lots of challenges in life, but work is the one thing that I always did really well and was totally successful at).

Meanwhile, I feel like the only respite I get is when I sleep. Fortunately, I am able to sleep. And during sleep, I have nice dreams and don't worry or feel depressed about my situation. So I sort of wish I could always sleep!

As soon as I wake up in the morning, I am immediately hit with concern and nervousness about my work situation. I feel every day like I don't want to get out of bed and face the situation. So I lay there awake and worried. I should just force myself to get out of bed and going. And eventually I do. But it takes much more effort than it should.

Maybe I need to go get myself an antidepressant. That won't change the facts, of course. But it may change my perspective, or dull my worry about it. I don't want to do that. But I guess at some point I will conclude there's no other option.

It can be difficult to distinguish between a "situational depression" and clinical depression. On the one hand, I could characterize what I am feeling now as situational depression. On the other hand, I sometimes feel like I go from one "trigger" for depression or anxiety to another -- with some months in between. If it is not one thing, it's another...

I have done some therapy in the past. Not doing it now. Mostly because I am doing marriage counseling and doing two "therapies" at the same time is time consuming and expensive...