My update

I have been okay, but yesterday I broke down and just vented, cried and then felt a little better. I have had a bad time with my son and dad leaving in a week and a half. They will only be gone 2 nights, but this will be his first time away while my birthday is here. I dont want to celebrate my birthday anymore , too much bad stuff in Feb. Things will be fine with them and me, but as a mom I still worry. I also feel bad that I cant go with my son. Everything is so strange right now and I have so much to do and not a whole lot of time to do it in. My anxiety is good, unless I bottle things up for too long. My depression is out of whack right now. Not a good feeling.

I do not like to celebrate my birthday. I never really have, but the older I get them more I do not want too. I will be 31 this year. I dont like my birthday for so many reason's but the one that hurts the most is the loss of my uncle 5 days before my birthday in 12" I still have times where I can not think of him because I miss him so much.

It has always been my son and I. For 10 years, so it is strange to not have him here is all. The 27th is my b-day so it is a little bit away.

I did have a friend offer to take me out but I am not sure I want to go. I told her I will think about it. This really shouldnt get to me this much. I want him and my dad to have a blast and I feel bad that I feel this way.