bad day…so depressed

Hello my friends. well today I woke up at 5am and said todays the day Im gonna change everything. Im gonna start eating well and Im gonna go back to the gym and that what I did. I went to the gym(6am) and put in a good hour on cardio and felt good about it. I ate heathy all day and worked an 11 hour day (on my feet all day). Anyway I started to feel depressed and had all these horrible thoughts running in my mind about how crappy I'm feeling and why why why. When this all happened 10 plus years ago I found peace going for walks and talking to people and relieved that I wasn't the only one dealing with this. This time around Im not getting that feeling. Im having a hard time dealing with this. I don't know how to cope this time around.

In the car on the way home I really wanted to go to the ER I really did I was thinking that maybe I can't take a deep breath cause its asthma and its an asthma attack and not panic….but that panic tho right we think were dying and its all in ours heads and I was talking out loud to myself "you can do this come on" and kinda helping myself that was and it felt and still feels crappy even right now. I really feel like crying but its not coming and my toughest are really all over I can't explain them. i wanna try paxil again but its been 10 years since i was last on them what if they don't work or make me feel worse.

To be honest I feel worthless and lonely. I wish I had a good woman around to ease my and help me with this…rub my back and say its asll gonna be ok but then again what woman would wanna deal with some crap like this. I dont want to give the wrong expression I would never hurt myself I know life is great and all and I guess thats why Im so upset cause I wish it was outta the way so I could live it. Im very lucky to have a great family Im not close with some but we love one another none the less and I have a roof over my head. for example I just found out a woman i work with didn't come to work and it was due to her chest hurting so naturally I asked is she ok??" some co workers said well she had a lung transplant and she also is diabetic and a list of other aliments. I wouldn't in the slightest have any clue what she deals with and still she holds it all together and works and smiles the whole nine. now I don't have anything of that nature and Im BUGGING OUT as if I have it so bad. Thats why I guess it hurts cause I don't know what it is!! its in my mind and I have to figure it out I just don't know how at this point. I dunno if anyone has seen the Sopranos but Tony keeps passing out from panic attacks and they put him on prozac…in one seen he's sitting on the hospital bad and says "I wish this thing was physical so I could just rip it outta me" Thats exactly how I feel. Im sorry for rambling on but just some thoughts Im having and wanted to share. Hopefully Ill start feeling better and can share some good ones but Im sad to say I don't see that happening soon not if I can't figure out how to deal.

Peace and love to all <3

Hi

Sorry to hear you had a rough day yesterday how are you feeling today?

Have a look at our resources for some useful links.

Hibee

Again thanks guys. I had an ok day today and had a little anxiety on the way him driving but I overcame it and now Im good. I haven't checked out the resources yet but will deff do so. I also got a therapist and Im gonna call to set up an appointment hopefully that works out.

peace and love <3

F.,

Yay! Glad today was better for you...great news.:) Good job on overcoming the anxiety that tried to take hold. If you can remember what coping skill you used...and continue to practice it, this would be a great step in your recovery plan.

Good job on seeking to start the self help and therapy too! All these things are going to prove beneficial to you.

Keep us posted so we can keep you in support!

S.C.