Posted 3/8/2016 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
Mel, i quit counting at 10,000, I did this so many times when my PAD was at it's worse and i still do it
on occasion, now i just roll over and go back to sleep.
I had a wonderful old doctor years ago, Dr. John E. Johnson, i was wearing my self out running to ER
on this occasion i went to his office, he just looked at me, he said i am going to prove something to you either believe me or get another doctor, Mel i was a basket case of nerves on edge, he said Larry what we often perceive to be real in our bodies is not found to be scientifically true, I can tell by looking at you that your heart is ok. He then proceeded to hook me up to the EKG and when it was over he made me look at it, during the test he asked me to raise my hand when i felt something was wrong, he would mark the graph when i would do this. He said here is every time you felt something was wrong, the result was the graph was normal start to finish, he said Larry i have your ekg's for the last fifteen years and they are all the same, normal for you, this was the day i started to do some serious thinking about my life and health. I learned to use xanax to break this panic and get my feet back under me, then when i felt stronger i would tough a panic attack out, "no it wasent any fun", but i continued to get stronger and a little more confident. Then one day after crawling through a real zinger of an attack, I took my xanax and really thought about the situation, hell the only thing wrong with me is i think i'm dying when i go full panic. I worked up this scenario in my mind, i am home alone resting in my chair and there is a knock on the door, i dont want to get up and i yell whose there, the voice coming through the door was a beautiful female she said Larry come and open the door, I am your mortality and i need to see you, "no thanks im just fine go away", No Larry i will always be here until you face me, i have a message for you! The walk from my chair to the door was a hundred miles and all up hill, i just didnt want to open that door. The voice again, Larrrryyyeee, oh hold on to your wedgie i'm coming. I opened the door and there stood the most beautiful Angel just stunning, we just looked at each other, then she stepped up to me and gave me the biggest wet kiss i ever had in my life, it took my breath away, she stepped back and smiled and said Larry i am going away for now but one day I will be back for you! "Why dont you find something useful to do until then". Mel that was the day i decided to stop dying every time i had a pain or any other scary symptom, I made up my mind that to die once should be enough for anyone, I can wait, but i don't have to live in fear, I can do this without rehearsing for the Grand Finally! I Pray for your Peace.
Larry ***