I'm new here, but needing support

Hi. I've been dealing with anxiety since maybe the middle of last year. I just recently finally told my doctor about it, as I started feeling like these cycles aren't going to get better on their own. Sometimes I'm ok, other times it's triggered by something obvious, or just happens and I don't know why or what causes it. I feel very alone and I really don't think anyone around me would truly understand, and at the same time I don't want to burden anyone with my issues anyway. One close friend knows, and he is pretty helpful. But I know even he doesn't understand it completely. I have been in a cloud for the post two days, isolating myself because that's all I know to do, and feel I need to do when it gets this bad. I start crying randomly and uncontrollably. I shake, I feel helpless. My doctor put me on citalopram (once daily) and alprazolam (as needed). I don't want to become dependent on medication, although I have to admit the calm and relief from the Xanax is very helpful.

I still don't feel like doing anything, I'm just more relaxed. I feel guilty for feeling this way, I'm sure that's normal.. Anxiety about having anxiety. I'm a single mother of two and work a full time job odd hours. I'm very stressed and overwhelmed majority of the time. I remember a time when I felt happy and proud even though things weren't ideal. But it has been quite awhile since I felt that way. I'm pretty sure it's not just anxiety, it's depression too. Which I've dealt with that before too. I know I'm not the only one who struggles every day to exist normally and do normal things, handle my responsibilities, interact with the world, etc. I have been reading through alot of these forums and just hearing other people feel the same things I do is helping me not feel so alone.

I know it'll pass, I also know it'll come back. It really is a cycle for me, and I never really know what level of intensity it's going to be or how long it'll last. That's a really frustrating part.

Any way, glad I stumbled across this board. If anyone has any advice that works for them how to de stress, please let me know :) thank you...

Welcome! Glad you found us. I think you're doing great by being proactive with your doc. Don't be afraid of taking meds as the goal now is for you to be stable and less symptoms so you can enjoy life. I've also struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Depression is more subtle whereas anxiety is right there to smack my face!

Some things I've found helpful:
1. No alcohol;
2. Minimal caffeine;
3. Practicing floating past the discomfort of anxiety (don't fight it as much as let it run its course);
4. Adopt a "who cares" attitude about anxiety (not that I don't care but telling myself this helps take the edge off);
5. Truly believing that anxiety is a total mind game and that all these crazy symptoms are not physical problems (this took a lot of work).

I also read a great book called "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes...she talks about how our nervous system works in good detail and how anxiety sufferers are basically very sensitive. It's good because she goes over how to systematically desensitize yourself.

Hang in there! :)

Thank you all for your advice :) much appreciated.. Realizing I need to try and remember take it one day at a time.

I need to look into that, seeing a therapist. I put it off because I didn't start out having anxiety frequently, it just happened randomly. And I thought after it passed, well I'm ok I don't need to do anything... Wrong.. It's gotten worse and more frequent and I'm realizing I do need help with it. I'm tired of those feelings surfacing more and controlling me. Today I started to feel it, thanks to finding out how much I owe Uncle Sam, and I told myself it's just anxiety, its not me, everything will be ok, I'm smart enough to budget this out. I talk to myself alot anyway, might as well give myself pep talks too. Lol :) I took a week off from work to regroup and get used to the meds. Luckily I can afford to do that right now, I know sometimes we don't have that option so I'm grateful for it. I'm starting to feel more like myself and accomplish things around the house I was putting off. Keeping busy really does help.